Blacky II?

One day, Kitty was just sitting outside, perched on her box, taking a nap and watching the world go by like she often does these days in nice weather.

Suddenly, something gets her attention and she perks up. Somewhere far off, a black shadow was lurking.

Aha!! A midnight black cat hides behind the corner and he stares back with his lemon meringue-colored eyes.

The two stranger cats come close. . .hissing and pawing ensues. . .

Kitty: "This is my territory and my throne, you can't come up here!"
Blacky II: "Oh yeah. . .well, I don't want your throne, I just want a girlfriend. Meoooooooow."

Learning is Fun

I have been working on CS cases/scenarios all day. One of those cases was on domestic abuse, and I learned that as a physician I should never tell an abuse victim to leave her husband/lover. I would have failed that one because that’s exactly what I thought of doing! I should only offer support, let her know domestic abuse is illegal, and let her make her own decisions. Well, this is why I’m practicing with these cases so that next Monday I’ll know little details like that.

I have also been reviewing and learning a slew of medical mnemonics today.

To assess domestic abuse: SAFE

S = Safety. Do you feel safe at home or in your relationship?
A = Abused or Afraid. Are you being abused or are you afraid?
F = Family and Friends. Do your family and friends know your relationship problems?
E = Emergency plan. Do you have an emergency escape plan if needed?

To assess a drinking problem: CAGE

C = Have you tried to Cut down on your drinking?
A = Have you been Annoyed by people who criticize your drinking?
G = Do you fedl Guilty about your drinking?
E = Do you need an Eye-opener in the mornings to cure a hangover or steady your nerves?

To assess geriatric ADLS (activities of daily living): DEATH, an unfortunate acronym

D = Dressing. Can you dress yourself?
E = Eating. Can you eat by yourself?
A = Ambulating. Do you have trouble walking?
T = Toileting. Can you go and use the bathroom by yourself?
H = Hygiene. Can you take a shower or bath by yourself?

To assess geriatric IADLS (instrumental activities of daily living): SHAFT

S = Shopping. Can you go shopping by your self?...you get the idea
H = Housekeeping
A = Accounting
F = Food preparation
T = Transportation

And finally, my least favorite one.

To assess depression: SIG E CAPS

S = Sleep. Do you have trouble with your sleep?
I = Interest. Have you lost your interests in life?
G = Guilt. Do you feel guilty?
E = Energy level. Do you feel more tired than usual?
C = Concentration. Do you have difficulty concentrating.
A = Appetite. Has your apetite changed?
P = Psychomotor. Agitation or retardation of movements?
S = Suicide. Do you want to kill yourself? Previous attempts? Plans?

That’s all for now. Back to studying!

TV, why a bad thing?

Anothing ranting of mine. . .

I recently encountered a Christian blog that listed things NOT to do when one wants a full and wholesome life and a couple items included “don’t spend too much time in front of TV” and “don’t turn on the tube at dinner time.” I have to say that hubby and I are ‘guilty’ on both accounts. Okay, I understand the rationale behind these two advices: our precious spare time should be devoted to God or communication with our loved ones and not on hours of meaningless entertainment. Well, that’s just the thing, I don’t think TV is meaningless entertainment. I gain and learn a lot from watching TV.

Take TV sitcoms, I think some shows are hilarious and their value lies in the fact that they make me laugh. We all know laughter is good for the body and soul, and can’t be bought with money. One of the recommendations given to cancer patients is to watch funny TV shows or movies to help them relax and get their minds off of things.

Also, I’ve come to appreciate the smart TV show writers and actors that come up with the comedic stuff. How is it bad to enjoy and appreciate other’s true talent? Yes, I know many of those Hollywood people are non-Christians, and even anti-Christian and their views are sometimes reflected in their work. So, am I supporting anti-Christian messages when I watch TV? If that’s the argument, then I shouldn’t eat at restaurants after church on Sunday so as to not support an establishment full of workers that don’t attend church. And I should never visit Disney World then because we all know the anti-Christian views expressed by the Disney corporation and their subsidiaries. Well, then, also no animated Disney movies or any Hollywood movies just to be consistent. Clearly, I won’t buy that impractical and extreme route of thinking. I’m not a trash can, I don’t just accept anything and everything that is thrown at me. I can take the entertainment and occasionally educational value from TV and leave the dregs where it belongs, outside of my head.

TV shows often reveal very canny insights into the human condition. Take “Sex in the City,” surely one of the most smartly written shows ever! I’m not single, I don’t live in New York, and I believe pre-marital sex is wrong, but I can still appreciate the witty commentaries made on romantic relationships although they don't apply to me. Yes, I agree some characters and personalities are exaggerated and border on the unreal. For example, the husband/father in “According to Jim,” he’s is a fat, beer-chugging, anti-health, anti-sensitive man compared to his hard-working, wise, thin, gorgeous and motherly wife. He just annoys me. I agree with Dr. James Dobson that shows like that give a wrong and skewed portrayal of the husband/father as a weak-minded and insensitive boor, not at all like the head-of-the-house and take-charge type of father-figure espoused by Christianity. There are other examples such as Ray in “Everybody Loves Raymond.” However, I’d like to think I’m smart and mature enough to make that discernment and won't let those wrong characterizations affect me. For example, I would never accept those portrayals of man as what’s real or what my husband should be. I take what I can from those shows, namely that the shows are family-oriented and they do get some things right: the husbands works to support the family, the mothers stay at home, they love each other and their children, and they always strive to work out their problems. And of course, they are funny.

The other argument against TV is that it replaces conversations between family members. I DISagree, in my case, at least. If anything, hubby and I have more to share and talk about because of TV since TV brings up many interesting topics. Sure, they are not always deep or philosophical, but nevertheless, we love to talk about a crime that was reported on the evening news, or discuss an intense basketball game, or debate an investigative report on 20/20, or gossip about the outlandish romances on “Grey’s Anatomy.” Hubby and I simply never run out of things to say to each other, it’s something I’m grateful for. We certainly talk about serious and deep stuff outside of TV, too, to the point where I tell him, “honey, I really have to go to sleep now.” If some people feel like that TV usurps their communication time with their loved one, I venture to say they have a communication problem regardless of the TV. How do they know they won’t just sit in silence at dinner time with the TV off? Or if they force it too much, maybe the conversation will be just too contrived?

Like it or not, TV is here to stay. Which workplace doesn’t have a group of men that gathers around to talk about the latest basketball or football game? I’ve seen hubby do it with friends, it’s good male bonding time. And I have on more than one occasion struck up a conversation with someone on the latest elimination or our favorite contestants on “American Idol.” In a society as diverse as America, TV is something that brings people together. Yes, it’s a rather superficial topic and no friendship can sustain on the commonality of TV alone, but it’s the gateway to get to know your collegeaus and acquaintances better. As for people who are worried about parents not spending enough time with their kids because of TV, then by all means go out and play catch together, go fishing together, read a book together. And plan to watch an hour of your favorite show on TV, too. There’s nothing wrong with that, unless you actually resort to using TV as a babysitter. Then, that’s just wrong!

Finally, there are people that say TV turns your mind to mush, and it’s a waste of time and mind. Well, yes, there are times, I feel like I should have been doing something more productive like studying or cleaning the house or exercising, but by and large I’m on top of my studying, house upkeep and exercise. I’d say TV has provoked me to think more, especially outside of my field. Even commercials have their value although I admit they mostly become too repetitive for my enjoyment or maybe I just watch too much TV! Commercials and TV shows are sometimes a reflection of our popular culture. For example, I have noticed more and more Asian Indian actors and portrayals in both commercials and TV shows. Their portrayals are almost always of first generation immigrants and are not always flattering but they seem to always be funny with a focus on the very distinctive Asian Indian accent. If you are a Simpson’s fan, then you know the Indian character, Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Ph.D, who is a stereotypical convenience store owner. Just today I saw a new Bud Light commerical featuring Asian Indians. How about the character Kelly Kapoor, an all-American Asian Indian on the show, “The Office.” In one episode, at an office party, she was given the “Spicy Curry” Award by her inappropriate boss, and Kelly with her perfect American accent, looks confused and asked,”what’s the Spciy Curry Award?” Although not evident here, but it was really funny on TV. So, my big question is ,why have there been a recent surge Asian Indian characters in the popular media? Is it because the media is appealing to the ever growing Asian Indian population who undoubtedly have a huge spending power? If yes, then why not target the comparably sized Chinese population? I simply don’t see any character portrayals of Chinese-Americans on TV shows and only rarely in commericals. Or is it because the Indian accent strikes more people as funny and is easy to caricature? The Chinese accent just doesn’t seem as comical to imitate. Or perhaps there are more Asian Indian TV show writers and moviemakers and they have pushed to see more representation of their own kind in media? If yes, then where are the Chinese-American script writers, actors, and directors? Don’t tell me they are all becoming Ph.D physicists, restaurant owners, or engineers! Hmm, I wonder whether a communications major or marketing researcher can answer my question. . .

Okay, so getting back to the original topic at hand. I don’t think TV is a bad thing, at all. I hate any kind of portrayal of violence, so I avoid it like the mosquito, mostly I watch shows that are family-friendl. I know it’s entertainment and not gospel so I certainly don’t practice what TV preaches if there is any preachings at all. I agree, I’m an adult and can make these distinctions but kids often can not. So, I’d definitely curtail if not prohibit outright my kids watching TV until they reach a certain age. For example, if my young son watches “family” sitcoms, he might think being a man means you can act stupid, or if my pre-adolecence daughter watches “America’s Next Top Model,” she might be pressured to think being unhealthily thin should be her life goal.** Or my children will incessantly ask for sugary cereals thanks to endless cartoon commercials. So, yes, I’m keenly aware of these issues, partly because I watch TV. But our family is just hubby and I for now, so TV is in our life and I’m giving it the accolades and place it deserves.

**I have to add here that to Tyra Banks' credit (creator and host of America's Next Top Model), she did do an awesome and empowering show (The Tyra Banks Show) on how women should accept their weight and love their bodies despite the message "thin is beautiful" in our culture and media. She came out and defended herself after the media bashed her for gaining 40 lbs. after retiring from her modeling career. She stood proud and beautiful. You see, TV can be good for women!! She has also added two plus-sized models on ANTM. Yes, I know they are tokens more than anything else, but still I admire this model-turned-TV-mogul's voice into this touchy topic. She is one of my TV role models along with Oprah who also brings important subjects into people's minds.

Inner Melancholy

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them."
---Henry David Thoreau

I like this quote. I first heard it when I was in high school, in my most pensive and introspective time of life. I remembered it again today. Another quote I chanced upon today that is sooooo very true:

"Cancer ends more lives than it ever kills."
--anonymous

More than death, I fear the disruption of life, the pain and suffering and the end of normalcy that comes with cancer news. Two of my mom's friends were found to have cancer this past year. I became very despondent for a while. Cancer, I fear it more than human terrorists. If you think about it, cancer IS terrorism, terrorism of our body and livelihood of the most insidious kind. There should be a mass "war on cancer," except it's a war that's hard to win, not unlike the actual "war on terrorism." No other disease brings on so much fear in me. I'd much rather die of or see my loved ones die of heart disease or stroke or something with a bit of predictability and control. Cancer attacks when you are least expecting it and it attacks with a fierce and silent vengence that no human technology or medicine can combat. That's the definition of terrorism, isn't it? I remember reading and learning about the mechanisms of cancer in medical school and actually feeling really angy about it, real anger like I'd have for someone who violated others. Cancer's very lethality lies in its stealth. Cancer doesn't just hurt the body, it disjoints the whole family, and the family suffers right along with the patient not any worse than the patient. My only solace is that God delievers His promises of peace and love during such horrific times.

What's on the outside

Just another Saturday.

"I loathe narcissism, but I aprove of vanity."

--Diane Vreeland, stylist icon and the late editor of Vogue and Harper's Bazaar

B-School and the Beatitudes

We just received news of Paul’s older brother, David, getting accepted to the Wharton school of business. What great news! We are overjoyed for David. I know it’s been his dream and he worked really hard for it. I have never heard of Wharton until from an episode of “The Apprentice,” I learned that both Donald Trump and his beautiful daughter, Ivanka Trump graduated from Wharton.

The news got me thinking. How great is this country that everyone’s got a fair shot at their dreams. Take hubby’s family, there are no high-profile or wealthy connections; Paul and David are the first in the family to even get a college degree. David didn’t have a rich father or famous mother or connections to the elite, he only had his own hard work and well-earned accolades behind his belt and he got into the world’s best B-school. Only in America. I love this country. Of course David has got talent, he is fluent in three languages and a shiny career at Panasonic for the last several years to boot. Hubby will add that David’s good looks doesn’t hurt either. But no one can underestimate the simple foundation of his hard work.

Hubby jested, “we’ve got a doctor, an engineer, and businessman in the family, now all we need is a liar.”

“Say what?!” I said.

“Oh, I meant a lawyer.” Ha, ha, funny hubby, he didn’t even mean to make a joke, it was a genuine Freudian slip!

This got me thinking some more. I thought of the lesson that we just had last Saturday on the Beautitudes.

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”
“Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.”

The author, Philip Yancy, challenged us to think, in a world that rewards self-confidence, self-assertiveness, and success, where do these words of Jesus fit? I have been struggling with the answer ever since. Jesus also said, “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.” It would seem the poor and the meek have a inherent advantage over the well-to-do spiritually. While I believe this is true because the poor, the prosecuted, and the meek are often desperate and desperation will turn us to God, but I don’t believe that it is wrong to be self-confident and successful in this world. It might be harder to have both, both practically and psychologically-speaking, but worldly success and godliness are NOT mutually exclusive. But when failure and crisis do come our way, as Christians, we can handle them with gratitude and even joy knowing that God has promised us great things in our troubled times.

So, this is my prayer for David for his future. I pray that no matter what status or money comes his way, he’ll always retain his core of goodness, integrity, and love for God. And this prayer applies to us, too. But for now, I’m just happy for David, happy that he’ll be back in the US once again. And happy, too, that hubby continues to have a close relationship with his one and only brother. That's more valuable than many things on earth, isn't it?

Last Day of. . .

. . .my last rotation as a fourth-year!!! Whoppeee!!! I'm so happy! I loved working with Dr.S, he was sooo laid-back and a really interesting conversationalist. He was one of those people that never seemed to run out of topics to talk about. But I admit the rotation itself was boring. I basically observed him the whole time without doing a thing! It's good I guess when I wanted a super-easy rotation and plus I always get something medical out of a rotation just because I have so much to learn. One of many of Dr.S's quirks is his love for Flamin' Hot Cheetos. He always had a bag on his desk, we had many Cheetos breaks. I should add he also has a gigantic bottle of anacids for those post-Cheeto binging heartburns!

So now I'm devoting the next week to studying for the Clinical Skills exam. I'm freakin' out and stressed about it. I shouldn't have gone to Studentdoctor.net and read about the experiences and rantings of all those who failed!! If I fail, I'll forfeit my actualized dream of starting intern year at Methodist!! Could fate be so cruel??!! I've enlisted hubby to practice with me by acting as the standardized patient. I have a feeling that he'll just make me laugh and lose my professionalism, but hey, I'm desperate!

Sunday BBQ

How many ways are there to say barbecue?? Barbeque, BBQ, Bar-B-Q, they even call it Barbie in Australia! We were invited to one at our friends, KC and Juei's. They have two very cute Shih-Tzu dogs, Charlie and Cindy, who become the center of our attention and source of entertainment at the gathering! Aren't dogs great??

It got windy and bit chilly, so we came indoors.

Charlie, the lap-lover. It doesn't take much for this guy to jump on your lap!


Hmm, an outfit of my own making. Last year's gaucho pants, shoes:ballerina flats, and a matching headband b/c I didn't wash my hair today. Peek-a-boo Kitty.

Kitty doing the "catwalk." I think you're gorgeous, Kitty!

What's Next

I received a list of my intern class from the residency coordinator today. There are two classmates from my class, two girls, who also matched at Methodist! One is my good friend M! I knew she was going into internal medicine but because I haven’t talked to her for so long that I didn’t even know she was applying to Methodist. M was one of my closest friends from med school, but we didn’t have a single rotation together in the last two years and I guess we just lost touch. She threw me an awesome bridal shower in second year, and we often made the hour-long trip together to north Dallas where her parents lived and where I visited Paul on the weekends before we were married. She is sweet to a fault, and is serious about her studies. I can’t wait to get in touch with her again as we will be spending the next three years working together. The other girl, A, is an outstanding and outgoing student, being on the dean’s list and an officer in the internal medicine club. I have never spoken to her that I remember of, but I know she’ll be a great co-resident. A is someone that I can see becoming our chief resident in the third year. The rest of my intern class of nine comes from other UT medical schools, New York, Tulane, and South Carolina. There are six of us girls and three guys.

The news of the Match is still sinking in within me. I had every intention of matching into Baylor FM. Once shopping, I even bought a fleece jacket that would match the dark blue scrubs at Baylor! I believed that FP (family practice) was my future. I told everyone who asked that I was going into FP. Hubby and I even started looking for housing in the Garland area! All those talks with Dr.T, the PD (program director) at Baylor, and all that time getting to know the residents, and I came so close to signing a pre-match contract with them! I would be at Baylor now if it weren’t for the fact that they decided not to extend a pre-match offer to me but told me that I’d have a place with them for sure if I go through the match. In a way, I was relieved because in all honesty, I didn’t feel 100% at peace with pre-matching there although I knew I would be happy there once I matched. Does that make sense? So I ranked Baylor second and trusted that I would go there believing that I have only a small chance of getting into my first and more competitive choice, IM at Methodist.

I have been conflicted for a long time about FP vs. IM. I always believed my personality and desired lifestyle fitted with that of a FP doc working 8-5 in an outpatient clinic. (Except I imagined myself working part-time.) And then there’s the life of a hospitalist. In simple terms, I fell in love with the hospital. I love the fact that I get to take care of sicker patients in the hospital setting. I love the role of coordinating care across the spectrum of specialists. I love that during their short stay in the hospital, I help patients get back to their baseline so they can get back to their lives. There are many differences between working in a hospital vs. clinic: continuity of care, patient compliance, levels of sickness, work hours, etc. My ambivalence was not helped by the conflicting advices I received from different doctors. “IM is the way to go.” “You can’t work part-time in IM.” “FP is the most family-friendly specialty.” “FPs are not respected.” “IM docs are just gloried interns/slaves.” “Future of FP is in the hands of mid-level practitioners.” I knew I could never sort out all the pros and cons myself because I don’t know the future and I have my limitations in decision-making as a human being. I’d like to believe that going into IM and matching at Methodist is God’s plan for me. So perhaps not pre-matching with Baylor was meant to be. But I don’t know for sure because who really knows how God works? But I just trust in Him that I am where I’m suppose to be.

So here I am, an internal medicine doctor to-be. I am still trying on this new identity for fit. Like a new pair of shoes, it’s a little awkward at first, but I expect to grow into it. In a short few months, I’ll have a new title (Dr.) before my name and a degree (D.O.) behind it, all embroidered on a long white coat. No longer will I introduce myself as “Linda, the medical student,” but I’ll say “Hi, I’m Dr. C, one of the interns here, and I’ll be taking care of you.” I’ll be writing orders in the charts, signing prescriptions, have nurses page me with questions. Am I ready for all that? The answer is a resounding “No!!” The responsibility to me right now is staggering. But like I said, I will grow into it.

The day I found out I matched, I was baking a cake and looking at blogs on fashion trends! BTW, Yellow cake mix + mashed bananas + milled flaxseed = yummy-ness. Also, wide-leg pants and jumpers are forecasted to be making a comeback. I have been way too indulgent with my time: my countless trips to the mall, obsessions with my clothes, blogging too often etc. While part of me says, “guilty, guilty, guilty,” another part of me justifies it with “if there is ever such a time to indulge in such things, this is the time.” To further exonerate myself, I have been productive by being in charge of cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, etc. In just a short few months, however, everything will change. I have thoroughly enjoyed my time as a home-maker/free person, not to mention hubby has benefited and appreciated my investment. I can even say I wish I could be like this forever, until I have children, of course. In a second life, I would have been perfectly happy to be a full-time, life-time housewife and mother. But I know it’s not to be for me. I have to get back to my first dream. The hospital, not home, will be my world. My daily concerns will not be what to cook for dinner but what treatment is best for a patient. No more indulgences or frivolousness!! My life is about to take on a more serious note. The bottom line is that I want to be a good doctor and the next three years of my life will be largely devoted to that goal. I pray that God will use me in the future and that he’ll give me the wisdom and strength to prepare me for such a purpose.

Match Day Revealed!!

News came to me this morning that I matched into Methodist Medical Center Internal Medicine program, my first choice!! I still can't believe it, I'm shaking a little, in fact!!

Nikenpoop and TV

I have a new favorite word, nikenpoop. Doesn't it sound funny?? I heard it on TV today. The meaning of nikenpoop according to www.urbandictionary.com is "a word used to describe someone in a bad way. If they are being annoying or dumb, you call them a ninkenpoop."

Thanks to TV, nikenpoop is now in my vocabulary! TV can be entertaining in more than one way! I know friends that have renounced TV for the simpler or less trashy life, perhpas. I, for one, am a TV-lover. These days especially, I have been watching a lot of TV. My first two years of medical school, I lived without one, and will probably do so again out of necessity once internship starts. But for now, I love TV. It is a companion while I wash dishes and fold laundry and resting and eating, etc. My habit of TV-watching has come in handy this month with Dr.S. There's a lot of down time with him in the clinic and we often turn to the topic of TV shows. One of his regulars is "House," and we had a somewhate "educational" discussion of it today. Since TV is unabashedly a big part of my life, here's a list of some shows I'm a big fan of these days:

1. Kings and Queens (TV couples don't get funnier than these two!)
2. Gilmore Girls (love their witty fast talks)
3. America's Next Top Model (fashionistas and Tyra!)
4. Grey's Anatomy (getting a little less appealing, unfortunately)
5. Ugly Betty (she could be my best friend!)
6. Brothers and Sisters (makes me wants to have a lot of babies and make a BIG family)
7. Heros (hmm, mainly watch with hubby)
8. House (I could potentially get into this, maybe I'll rent the DVDs)

I Matched!!!

So now, on Thursday I found out where!

What Did You Say?

Had this conversation with hubby recently:

P: "Did you know that cats in the wild eat dirt to kill themselves when they get sick?"

L: "Eww, that's horrible! Don't tell me that!"

P: "Horrible, why is it horrible?! I think that's pretty smart of them."

L: "Smart?! I don't want to hear about cats dying. . ."

After a few confused rounds, I finally realized what hubby had actually said was, "Did you know that cats in the wild eat herbs to heal theselves when they get sick?"

Ha, ha, I thought that was funny.

Our Saturday.

We had lunch in a small Taiwanese eatery in Chinatown today. If you can get over the rather offensive odor of stinky tofu that is served there, the food is really yummy and authentic. After lunch, Paul played badminton while I settled with a book for a few hours at Texins, the activity center for TIers. And I brought my camera along just for kicks. Later that evening, we went to our usual small group Bible study where we had some rather lively discussions and conversations.

Hubby's favorite sport and favorite time of the week: badminton.

Here's me outside of Texins.

My spring outfit: comfy t-shirt, skinny jeans, and wedge peep-toe shoes. It's my only day to dress up in fun clothes as I'm either wearing unflattering scrubs or boring house clothes during the week.

A Good Day

I had a thoroughly good day today. I was home all day, nothing extraordinary or particularly wonderful happened, just a typical laid back day filled with mundane activities. But I really appreciate the "everyday" day, the expected and the normal. I appreciate what's not in my day (stress and work) as much as I appreciate what is in it. I can call my own shots, do things on my own schedule, and work as hard or as little as I like. I love it!

I had an early doctor's appointment. Then I came home and started my day as a slave in the kitchen, a willing slave, I might add. It's our turn to bring the food for Bible study tomorrow night. I got into my head to pre-make baozi for the group. I tripled the batch this time. While the yeast dough was rising for three hours, I took a nap with Kitty and then went jogging for 45 minutes. What a beautiful sunny day it was!

After the baozi was made, I started on dinner for hubby. After dinner and cleaning up the kitchen, I made daikon and pork rib soup for tomorrow's dinner. Then I tripled-washed a couple of times what seemed like an insane amount of spinach, also for tomorrow night. We all know how much spinach shrink with cooking so I hope it's enough for 8 people! Finally, I double-tasked TV watching and dish washing to finish the day off. I was really tired after all that. But it was a 'good' tired, like I can sit back on the couch without guilt and just enjoy the soreness of my muscles knowing its there for a good reason. There is still laundry that need to be folded, but no problem, there's tomorrow, I have no deadline to meet and no boss to answer to! I still have several pages in "The Jesus I Never Knew" to read for tomorrow's lesson, and that shall be my last task of the night. Meanwhile hubby is studying through the night.

I have decided to postpone my scarf-knitting 'til next month because I realize I'm getting too busy. It's enough that I initiated myself into the art of knitting for now. Here's my weekly schedule this month: spending roughly 20 hours at "work," exercising (jogging and aerobics classes) 2-3 times a week, cooking dinner and washing dishes daily, doing laundry, grocery shopping and other things that a housewife do to keep the home functioning. I am behind in studying for my CS exam, and I really need to step up thereby the decision to postpone my scarf-making. In fact, I'll celebrate the end of the exam with shopping for yarn in April.

Kitty has been sleeping what seemed like all day today. She sleeps a lot already, so more than usual for her means I have hardly seen her move. In fact, she only went out once. I would wake her up by picking her up, and when I put her down somewhere, she would go right back to sleep. Just today, she has slept on the bed, on the couch, on a chair, on the carpet, on the tile, in the closet, and in her "hole." Hubby surmised that she might have a fever. She's had her usual good appetite today so I'm not too worried that she's sick, but still, why sleep so much, Kitty?? I wish I could just ask her! I Googled "cat with fever" for enlightenment. BTW, I have been increasing my knowledge of veterinary medicine, but of course that's the natural thing to do when you're a pet owner.

I know one day Kitty will get sick and beyond help and she'll leave us. It'll be an upsetting time indeed. I think about this often, is that strange of me? But at the same time, I always feel a bout of elation when I see her knowing she is healthy for now. I can never take my loved ones' health for granted because I know it can be gone tomorrow. Yes I know that sounds trite, but it's a very potent truth to me. Fortunately, the ones on Earth I love the most, my husband and my parents, are all in good health right now. But I know one day, soon or late, their health will fail them and I will be faced with the reality of losing them. It is my single greatest fear, but I know God and friends will help me get through it when the time comes. Still, it is my fear, and I can only hope I'll handle it well when that day dawns on me. I'm not scared for my own health, however. I think it's much easier to be the sick one and have your loved ones next to you than being the healthy one taking care of a sick family member. Perhaps this is selfish, but when you're sick, you can concentrate on being sick and you know when you die, heaven awaits. I think it's much harder to worry about a loved one, to watch them suffer and then try to pick up the pieces in this world alone after they die. Hubby and I often jest with each other about who will die first. To my deep chagrin, he believes he will, but I secretly hope I will. Afterall, who will take care of me in my dying days after he's gone? Simply, there isn't anyone else I love as much and connects with as much as him. Dying without him next to me will be very lonely. Okay, one can say his spirit will be with me, but that's hardly the same thing! Is this morbid? Well, it's what's in my head. Perhaps it's not so morbid given that I deal with the sick, the suffering, or the dying on a nearly daily basis. I have had time to think about these things, and prepare myself for them. So often, I see very sick patients in the hospital and their families all around them. Truly, I don't know who suffers more, often I find myself really feeling for the family. In moments like those, I always feel grateful knowing my hubby is sleeping and well at home. Or when I get a call from my parents and they have no bad news, I always take a moment to be happy for the absence of disease in them. Yes, I'm always on the guard for bad news regarding my husband and parents. I think one day when the bad news come, I won't even be very surprised. It's way of protecting myself, you see. If I expect it, I'm not so defeated by it when it comes. It's a fear in me but also an armor around me. It's this mentality that enables me to fully appreciate a simple day like today. When we have our health, we are already rich and blessed many times over without anything else. Know that days like today are numbered and are to be treasured.

Signs of Spring

1. Pretty white blossoms on trees.

2. Shaving my legs again.

3. Flowery skirts and matching flipflops.

4. Kitty spending more time outdoors.

5. Being awakened by super chirpy birds in the mornings.

6. A happy and airy feeling.

Knitting Novice

I started knitting yesterday thanks to LeeLee. She gave me a CD, "Knitting Made Easy", which came with yarn and needles. I've been learning new words like "worsted", "skene", and "purl." Isn't it interesting how every area of speciality has its own technical language or jargon? I took a look at hubby's textbook today and here's what I saw:

I know that for as long as I live, I will never come to understand what those diagrams, equations, and coded words are saying to me.

Here's what I have to show for several hours into knitting. I "accidentally" switched to a different pattern for a few rows in the middle before switching back. Don't ask me what this is, it's just practice. I hope to knit a real colorful scarf soon.

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I really love knitting so far. I love the repitition of it. I have never meditated but maybe knitting has the same result as humming one word over and over again, a state of relaxation. After all, knitting and meditation share the same elements of focus and repitition. In actuality, knitting can be quite complicated and requires attention and thought. I saw my friend Laurel's half-knitted stocking this weekend, it has personlized letterings, Christmas motifs and multiple colors. It's a work of architectual capacity with designs, patterns, and plans!! All I was doing was knitting alternate rows of the basic knit and the purl over and over again. I made several mistakes creating holes/gaps although you can't see it in the picture. Also, I was creating extra stitching/loops with every row I knit so that the edge is jagged. I'm going to hash out these questions with my knitting guru friends on the weekend.

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The process is a little magical to me. I can't tell you how the steps leads to the organization and elongation of a created "thing." Yes, I'm creating something! I don't know how but I just know going through the motions of needling the loop, wrapping the yarn, and looping out will create something. These are just the thoughts of a novice knitter.

Spring Cleaning and Eating Hot Pot

Today was a major cleaning day for me, the kind that comes once a year. From 10am to 5pm I worked but I did have the occasional breaks. Aside from the usual laundry, sweeping and vacuuming, I also dusted off the TV, wiped all the nooks and crannies, cleaned the fridge, and even managed to wash our queen- size, dry-clean-only comforter in the washer! I didn't think I was able to wash the comforter, but it fit, barely, into our washer and dryer and came out good as new!

When a cat sleeps with you, the comforter needs to be washed often!

Later today in the evening, the "Twonafish" family came to town and we ate "huoguo" or Chinese hot pot/steamboat together.

Time

I love time and having LOTZ and LOTZ of it . What a difference having time makes! I wish I had the fate of being a bum, I would totally love it, given my hubby will sponsor me! Of course, I'd choose to be a bum that have productive days or hours, like cleaning out my e-mail inbox, organizing my pantries, keeping the house presentable, googling about cats or fashion, volunteering at the church, reading books just for fun. . .ahhh, I could go on and on. . . Here's all that I appreciated about my day:

Making the bed in the morning.

Running errands during a weekday.

Waiting in a long line at the ID place yet be in total peace.

Waking up late.

Sleeping late.

Naps during the day.

Playing with Kitty all I want.

Jogging along the sidewalk while passing by the evening traffic.

Cooking 3 dishes for hubby for dinner and being praised by him.

Looking up Shabu Shabu/Chinese hot pot recipes (my next conquest).

Blogging about my day.

So, the biggest part of my day was driving to the nearest army base 45 minutes away to have my military ID renewed. Afterwards, I went to military clothing and bought a pack of ACU T-shirt. Then I went the AFFES exchange store and bought a civilian T-shirt and matching necklace which I totally didn't need but they were on sale and I didn't have to pay tax since I'm on base so I indulged. Later, I ate a Cinnabon, another indulgence. I looked up the calorie content of a Cinnabon, it's too scary to record here!

The word on the shirt is "LUXURY" and that's what having time is!

Cinnabon. It should be rightfully called a "sin-a-bun"!!