What's Next

I received a list of my intern class from the residency coordinator today. There are two classmates from my class, two girls, who also matched at Methodist! One is my good friend M! I knew she was going into internal medicine but because I haven’t talked to her for so long that I didn’t even know she was applying to Methodist. M was one of my closest friends from med school, but we didn’t have a single rotation together in the last two years and I guess we just lost touch. She threw me an awesome bridal shower in second year, and we often made the hour-long trip together to north Dallas where her parents lived and where I visited Paul on the weekends before we were married. She is sweet to a fault, and is serious about her studies. I can’t wait to get in touch with her again as we will be spending the next three years working together. The other girl, A, is an outstanding and outgoing student, being on the dean’s list and an officer in the internal medicine club. I have never spoken to her that I remember of, but I know she’ll be a great co-resident. A is someone that I can see becoming our chief resident in the third year. The rest of my intern class of nine comes from other UT medical schools, New York, Tulane, and South Carolina. There are six of us girls and three guys.

The news of the Match is still sinking in within me. I had every intention of matching into Baylor FM. Once shopping, I even bought a fleece jacket that would match the dark blue scrubs at Baylor! I believed that FP (family practice) was my future. I told everyone who asked that I was going into FP. Hubby and I even started looking for housing in the Garland area! All those talks with Dr.T, the PD (program director) at Baylor, and all that time getting to know the residents, and I came so close to signing a pre-match contract with them! I would be at Baylor now if it weren’t for the fact that they decided not to extend a pre-match offer to me but told me that I’d have a place with them for sure if I go through the match. In a way, I was relieved because in all honesty, I didn’t feel 100% at peace with pre-matching there although I knew I would be happy there once I matched. Does that make sense? So I ranked Baylor second and trusted that I would go there believing that I have only a small chance of getting into my first and more competitive choice, IM at Methodist.

I have been conflicted for a long time about FP vs. IM. I always believed my personality and desired lifestyle fitted with that of a FP doc working 8-5 in an outpatient clinic. (Except I imagined myself working part-time.) And then there’s the life of a hospitalist. In simple terms, I fell in love with the hospital. I love the fact that I get to take care of sicker patients in the hospital setting. I love the role of coordinating care across the spectrum of specialists. I love that during their short stay in the hospital, I help patients get back to their baseline so they can get back to their lives. There are many differences between working in a hospital vs. clinic: continuity of care, patient compliance, levels of sickness, work hours, etc. My ambivalence was not helped by the conflicting advices I received from different doctors. “IM is the way to go.” “You can’t work part-time in IM.” “FP is the most family-friendly specialty.” “FPs are not respected.” “IM docs are just gloried interns/slaves.” “Future of FP is in the hands of mid-level practitioners.” I knew I could never sort out all the pros and cons myself because I don’t know the future and I have my limitations in decision-making as a human being. I’d like to believe that going into IM and matching at Methodist is God’s plan for me. So perhaps not pre-matching with Baylor was meant to be. But I don’t know for sure because who really knows how God works? But I just trust in Him that I am where I’m suppose to be.

So here I am, an internal medicine doctor to-be. I am still trying on this new identity for fit. Like a new pair of shoes, it’s a little awkward at first, but I expect to grow into it. In a short few months, I’ll have a new title (Dr.) before my name and a degree (D.O.) behind it, all embroidered on a long white coat. No longer will I introduce myself as “Linda, the medical student,” but I’ll say “Hi, I’m Dr. C, one of the interns here, and I’ll be taking care of you.” I’ll be writing orders in the charts, signing prescriptions, have nurses page me with questions. Am I ready for all that? The answer is a resounding “No!!” The responsibility to me right now is staggering. But like I said, I will grow into it.

The day I found out I matched, I was baking a cake and looking at blogs on fashion trends! BTW, Yellow cake mix + mashed bananas + milled flaxseed = yummy-ness. Also, wide-leg pants and jumpers are forecasted to be making a comeback. I have been way too indulgent with my time: my countless trips to the mall, obsessions with my clothes, blogging too often etc. While part of me says, “guilty, guilty, guilty,” another part of me justifies it with “if there is ever such a time to indulge in such things, this is the time.” To further exonerate myself, I have been productive by being in charge of cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, etc. In just a short few months, however, everything will change. I have thoroughly enjoyed my time as a home-maker/free person, not to mention hubby has benefited and appreciated my investment. I can even say I wish I could be like this forever, until I have children, of course. In a second life, I would have been perfectly happy to be a full-time, life-time housewife and mother. But I know it’s not to be for me. I have to get back to my first dream. The hospital, not home, will be my world. My daily concerns will not be what to cook for dinner but what treatment is best for a patient. No more indulgences or frivolousness!! My life is about to take on a more serious note. The bottom line is that I want to be a good doctor and the next three years of my life will be largely devoted to that goal. I pray that God will use me in the future and that he’ll give me the wisdom and strength to prepare me for such a purpose.