"If You Can Read This, SMILE"

I have never been a tomboy, never. I was never the girl that climbed trees, caught frogs, or played Nintendo with the boys. This brings up a question, why is that all the girl heroines in the books I read as a child were always portrayed as tomboys as if being a girl and a tomboy is the only natural combination to be? The typical girl heroine was tall and lanky who cared less about what she wore and was always getting in trouble because of her sense of adventure or competitiveness with the boys. That was not me, I was short, curvy and girly to a fault. I would have been completely happy to stay at home, play with my toy kitchen set or play house with my dolls. If I was a character in my childhood books, I would have been the nemesis, you know, the spoiled and snobby cousin of the main heroine. But I was not spoiled nor snobby, but the girly girl was never portrayed in an positive light in those books. But that’s all the age-appropriate reading material an Asian girl could get her hands on in Arkansas public libraries in the 90’s. My theory is that the authors of that generation were in the midst of the feminist movement and they wanted to encourage girls to consider themselves equal with the guys and to know that our options are not limited to the home only but include careers and everything else in the men’s world. So back to me, I remember crying when my mother cut my long hair to a short bob. I have early memories of myself drawing designs of girls dresses and playing the hair on my Barbie for hours. My father, while not feminist-minded, didn’t have a son as I’m his only child, discouraged those girly tendencies and directed me towards more intellectual pursuits. So alas, I grew up role-playing teacher and student and buried my head in books.

But a girl will always be a girl. . . I had my LASIK surgery today! I always wondered why I needed glasses in the first place as neither one of my parents wore them. I started wearing glasses in the sixth grade. Oh gosh I still shudder at the thought of those huge pink plastic framed thing that I picked out for myself at Pearl Vision. What was I thinking?! In high school, contact lenses came to save the day until they became too uncomfortable. Hubby took the plunge and had LASIK last June and it took me a year to finally decide on it. This past year, my glasses have become my constant accessory and how I’ve come to deplore them! Yes, I’m excited about not having to reach for my glasses every morning, and not perpetually sliding my glasses back on my non-existent nose bridge, but the most exciting part for me after LASIK is the new freedom to be more girly! In Asia, I don’t remember seeing a single fashionable girl with glasses and believe me, I people-watched a lot! I attest to the fact that there are no outfit in my closet that looks good with glasses. The very thought of wearing glasses discourages me from putting on make-up or wearing a stylish shirt. You might as well put a bag over my head. It’s as if someone stripped me of my femininity when I put those specs on. I know that might sound extreme, but that’s how I’ve felt. Is that vain? I know I’m already married, so it’s not about impressing others, it’s really about how I feel about myself. I think it’s every girl’s perogative to do whatever it takes within her means to make herself look good and thus feel good about herself. For me today, that was LASIK.

So, I was lying there on a comfy back-tilted operating chair and the words, “If you can read this, SMILE, ” previously unreadable by me, came into focus on the ceiling and I knew it was over! Yes, the results were that instantaneous. I wouldn’t say it’s not a bit frightening to have your eyes propped open by retractors and tape and smelling burned cornea no less, but overall, it was a nearly painless 10 minute experience. I felt a burning and gritty feeling for a few hours afterwards which required shut eyes and a nap, but apparently I’m over it because I’m now typing completely comfortably right now. Knowing me and my skin problems, I worry that I might have complications after LASIK, like keloids growing out of my eyes! Okay, that won’t happen I know, but epithelial regrowth can, on rare occasions, and can lead to blindness requiring corneal transplant and all that good Dr. House stuff. I did visit my dermatologist and another ophthalmologist just to make sure my skin conditions do not preclude me from LASIK. But in case I end up blind, hubby has promised to take care of me for the rest of my life, and with time, I think he’ll even get use to scooping Kitty’s litter box, so for that, I can smile.