Thoughts on a Rainy Afternoon

It's a rare rainy weekend in Texas. Unfortuately, it happens on my rare weekend off. Now, I'm inclined to just stay inside and won't be walking the dog, to my chagrin.

My Dad called me on Valentine's Day to say, "happy Valentine's day." He's never done that before! I proceeded to tell him Valentine's Day is no big deal and I'm working anyways, but he said yes it was and I shouldn't let work encroach on having a life. I suppose he's gotten sentimental with age. I was on call that day in the hospital and Paul texted me "happy Valentine's," which I thought was sweet of him. There were chocolates, cookie and cakes every where in the hospital and I gorged plenty on Valentine goodness.

If Feb 14th passed without much fanfare this year, then Chinese New Year did with even less. It's the Year of the Rat!! Again, my parents were aghast at the fact that hubby and I had no celebration plans nor holiday spirit. Holiday traditions are super important to my parents from the Christmas tree every year to the right auspicious food to eat on Chinese New Year's. One day I shall be like that, too, but at this point in my life, it just can't be done.

Certain patients leave an indelible mark on me and I continue to think about them way after my need to. It was this way with this patient of mine that was discharged yesterday. I woke up this morning wondering how she is faring in her new nursing home. In her demented state, she's become like a child, a very cantankerous one, outright indecent, and sometimes bordering on being violent. From knowing her in the past several days, I know she needs just the right type of cajoling and coaxing for her to be properly cared for. I hope it is the way with her at the nursing home. In the process of caring for her in the hospital, I've gotten to know her, her unsavory past, her undesirable present, the bridges she's burned with her family and friends, and her utter lack of insight into her situation. She yelled unprovoked expletives at me and I pitied her even more with a deeper drive to help her which is perhaps only a small bandage to her gaping wound.

On my day off, the going-ons of the hospital is last thing I want on my mind, but sometimes I encounter people who's journey and paths are so drastically different from those of my own life that I can't stop thinking about them. I suppose it makes me extra grateful for my own given life. I realize I'm remarkably normal and functional. This leads to think about the issue of mental health and how disorders like schizophrenia and bipolor wreck havoc on people's wellbeing and their capacity for a meaningful life. I could never be a psychiatrist and be in the middle of these people's broken situations and more often than not, there are no good answers to why or how to "fix" them. My patient is who she is today because of the series of poor decisions she made due to her mental health and its left her in the decrepit state she is in now. Truly, who's to blame, who's responsible? As healthcare workers, we can only do so much. I think about the recent college shooting in North Illinois and the predicable relationship to the mental health of the shooter, or the Virginia Tech shooter and his disturbed mind. I think the nation as a whole is at a lost for answers for how to prevent another tragedy such as these. Is it more gun control? Is it more aggressive or mandatory treatment of people with mental health disorders? Or should we take the lassie fair attitude of one commentator, "we can't change the weather, we can only change our sail."