No Title Entry

I'm feeling a whole lot better and more optimistic this week. I just needed a couple of days off. That was not too much to ask for in life is it??! Amazingly, our last call was relatively light which meant I was able to wash my face, use the bathroom and eat (things that come second to patients in the ER) . . . and my clinic schedule had a few no-shows which meant I got out in time. Perhaps God was looking out for me:) Also, with hubby's help, I rearranged some furnitures at home that's both more functional and feng-shui. Okay, I don't know about the feng-shui part, but it works, okay?!

One thing I haven't managed to fit in my life is study time. I'm suppose to read about my patients every night, do questions for our monthly exam daily, and regularly read the medical journals that come in the mail. Oh yeah, and do research project on the side, as in "outside" of our 80-hr work week. Sometimes, I just meditate on the incredulousness of all the expectations around me. It's all just a little too much for me. I've got the dog, the cat, a husband, a home to take care of after work. I'm already not shopping, exercising and I hardly socialize, yet, I just don't have enough time in a day.

In light of this, a friend asked me recently, "why did you get a dog? how do you have the time?" I so appreciated her question, I thought it was very intuitive of her to ask. With no time for essentials like sleep and pray, why did I get a dog at this time? The simple truth is I had no idea how much it would take to take care of a puppy! Sometimes you learn the lesson after the fact. Luckily, I feel like I've been bailed out. Not only is hubby helping out so much with Hiro, he's a natural at being a dog owner/lover. I appreciate it since it was principally me that wanted to get the dog in the first place. And with Hiro being toilet-trained, that helps out a bunch, too!

It brings up the question in me, if I knew the EXACT consequences of every decision I make, would I still have made those decisions? I wonder how many experiences I'd have missed out on? Should all our decisions be perfect? Should we aspire to a life that always go according to plan? I mean, if I knew how I felt about medicine today, would I still have decided to become pre-med in college? If I knew how marriage is really like on some days, would I still got married? And the puppy, if all the work was revealed to me beforehand, would I have taken him home?

In my opinion, thinking too much is a sure way to kill an experience. It's like being at the mall, if I think too much about a purchase, I probably wouldn't end up buying anything at all. Or if you are skydiving, right before you jump, you start to think about what you're really doing, then how can you jump after that?

I'm not saying we shouldn't think before we proceed, but there are those of us who err on the side of thinking too much. Of course, bad decisions in life are inevitable. But I don't think regret does anyone any good most of the time. I used to know someone who said his goal in life is to have no regrets. That could mean you avoid making decisions so no bad OR good decisions are made, or you learn the art of making lemonade out of lemons in life. Perhaps it's true what they say, "nothing worth having in life comes easy." At end of the day, I'm still glad I'm a doctor, married and a mommy to a puppy. So that's my life in a nutshell. Although I'm constantly trying to fit more in a nutshell than it can hold.