November No More

November would have been a very monotonous month if it weren't for Thanksgiving. You know, work, home, sleep, doggy, husband, etc. We had settled into a perpetual routine, right down to when the dog pees and poops. Then my parents came here for Thanksgiving and broke up the monotony, in a very good way, of course.

Let's see, on Thanksgiving day I was post-call and basically greeted my parents in my jammies and went to bed until dinner. Hubby and my mom cooked our Thanksgiving turkey and untraditional fixings. I gave myself the permission to have the weekend off. I was already off from work, but I let myself off of ALL work. I didn't lift a single finger for the whole weekend. Somehow my family accepted this unspoken agreement of my total laziness and the three of them cooked and served. Not that I think I deserved it in someway, maybe I just took advantage, or maybe I was just tired. Before my parents left, they had cooked enough to stuff full our whole freezer and then some.

Whenever I've been able to get off at a decent time this month, I've been driving to a neighborhood across the highway to take walks with Hiro. It's a bit of hassel to drive off for a walk but somedays it's worth it. I feel like I'm "borrowing" the neighborhood since I don't actually live there. It has to be one of Dallas's most expensive neighborhoods with the prime location, huge houses, lovely old trees, nice seasonal decorations and professionally maintained lawns. There's also a little park with water fountain, ducks, and several inconspicuous stands that dispense disposable doggy poop scoopers. How cool! However, what's not conspicuous is that it's a largely Caucasian neighborhood. Any "foreigners" are the dark-haired nannies on the playgrounds looking after little blonde children and the lawn manicurists driving in their "lawncare" pickups. When I skip across the highway back to my neighborhood, I'll always see people waiting at the bus stop or walking down the sidewalk with grocery bags in hand. My neighborhood is mostly apartments buildings and condos, one of which was a Katrina housing. I see people of all colors here. This is also where we have a homeless man sneaking into our condo building at night and have frequent reports of auto thefts. The other neighborhood has their own police force in SUVs while we have a neighborhood watch group online. Their neighborhood have Oriental rug stores and boutique cookie shops and we have a bar and Condoms To Go store nearby. I only write this because I can't help but notice the differences! So this is America where the racial, social and economical divides are still so evident before my very own eyes. Part of me would like to think that this country has progressed more than this but I'm a bit disappointed to see it's not so. It seems like in America, the rich today tends to be rich tomorrow and the poor stay poor perpetually, Asian immimgrants notwithstanding. Keeping-it-in-the-family style. I really don't have an organized point to make. I'm no social commentator or political scientist so I'm sorry if you think I'm going anywhere deep with this. I'm just a lay person making an observation. Oh yeah, no where near do I see many Asians around me, except for the international students who, like myself, temporarily take up residence where dwelling is affordable and the drive is convenient. By and large, settled Asians like to live in subburbs on the outskirts of Dallas where houses are big, land is abundant and cows are nearby. True Texas style. I am jesting just a bit but ha, joke on me, as hubby and I will probably be one of those people someday. The pull of my ethnicity!

I also want to mention that on my semi-regular walks, I've met some dogs and their owners. For one thing, Hiro is too friendly and insists on greeting every living thing that we pass, both the two-legged and the four-legged. And the other thing, dog owners tend to be friendly and like to stop and chat about their dogs. Funny how we usually exchange dog names but rarely our own. I've met a man and his schnauzer named Drowser, a female nurse with her pomeranian named Dinky, and another lady with a black short-haired mutt named Shadow. I'm grateful for some doggy interaction for Hiro and bits of useful doggy advice for myself.

Bye bye November, until next year.

Doggy Galore

Hiro is now 5 months old.

The sad puppy look.

Playtime is a dog's favorite time!

Hiro is smiling, can you see? I know he doesn't have lips, but that's a smile!

It's like he's a different dog!

Hmmmm

Agggg, almost the last day of November, and only 2 posts??! How did this happen?! No siree, it can't be!! I'll be back with another post tomorrow, as for now, sleep beckons, otherwise I'll be kicking myself as I yawn through the day tomorrow.

The NEW Golden Rule. . .

"Those who have gold rules."

Isn't that terrible?!
Cynicism is infectious, as hubby replied.

November November

I just got off call a few hours ago. My days are no longer known as "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday", etc. To me, my "week" is divided into:

Call Day

Post-call day

Post-post-call day

Pre-pre-call day

Pre-call day

Call day. . .



It's Novemeber already! It's been almost four months since internship started for me. It felt like just yesterday that I started as an wide-eyed intern, and yet we are already one week into interview week for next year's intern class!



And lovely weather it's been. Perfect weather for walking Hiro, who's getting a lot of ohhh's and ahhh's from people he meet. One lady was driving, stopped her car, and got out to ask me what kind of dog Hiro is and the "if you don't mind me asking, how much. . ." Paul and I both have taken up training Hiro, mainly fun tricks and commands. He is half poodle and the circus-performer in him is coming out! He can sit and shake hands (his paw, my hand) on command, he stands on his hind legs when asked, and just yesterday (while I was gone), he mastered "roll over." Next up: play dead and bark on command. Since we are doing amatuerishly okay with training Hiro, it's making me think twice about taking the time and money out to get professional dog-training. I am going to take some new pictures of Hiro soon as he is growing up so fast!



This is also a sad month for us. My little Kitty is no longer with us. We finally made the decision to put her down. The decision was no short of a Sophie's choice for me. We had made up our mind on a date to take her in but at the last moment, I backed out. I just needed more time. I felt part relief and part grief when it was finally over with. I still remember the day she tentatively walked into our door onone cold December night and then soon decided she wasn't ever going to leave again. She was a little hapless stray but our sweet serendipity.

No Title Entry

I'm feeling a whole lot better and more optimistic this week. I just needed a couple of days off. That was not too much to ask for in life is it??! Amazingly, our last call was relatively light which meant I was able to wash my face, use the bathroom and eat (things that come second to patients in the ER) . . . and my clinic schedule had a few no-shows which meant I got out in time. Perhaps God was looking out for me:) Also, with hubby's help, I rearranged some furnitures at home that's both more functional and feng-shui. Okay, I don't know about the feng-shui part, but it works, okay?!

One thing I haven't managed to fit in my life is study time. I'm suppose to read about my patients every night, do questions for our monthly exam daily, and regularly read the medical journals that come in the mail. Oh yeah, and do research project on the side, as in "outside" of our 80-hr work week. Sometimes, I just meditate on the incredulousness of all the expectations around me. It's all just a little too much for me. I've got the dog, the cat, a husband, a home to take care of after work. I'm already not shopping, exercising and I hardly socialize, yet, I just don't have enough time in a day.

In light of this, a friend asked me recently, "why did you get a dog? how do you have the time?" I so appreciated her question, I thought it was very intuitive of her to ask. With no time for essentials like sleep and pray, why did I get a dog at this time? The simple truth is I had no idea how much it would take to take care of a puppy! Sometimes you learn the lesson after the fact. Luckily, I feel like I've been bailed out. Not only is hubby helping out so much with Hiro, he's a natural at being a dog owner/lover. I appreciate it since it was principally me that wanted to get the dog in the first place. And with Hiro being toilet-trained, that helps out a bunch, too!

It brings up the question in me, if I knew the EXACT consequences of every decision I make, would I still have made those decisions? I wonder how many experiences I'd have missed out on? Should all our decisions be perfect? Should we aspire to a life that always go according to plan? I mean, if I knew how I felt about medicine today, would I still have decided to become pre-med in college? If I knew how marriage is really like on some days, would I still got married? And the puppy, if all the work was revealed to me beforehand, would I have taken him home?

In my opinion, thinking too much is a sure way to kill an experience. It's like being at the mall, if I think too much about a purchase, I probably wouldn't end up buying anything at all. Or if you are skydiving, right before you jump, you start to think about what you're really doing, then how can you jump after that?

I'm not saying we shouldn't think before we proceed, but there are those of us who err on the side of thinking too much. Of course, bad decisions in life are inevitable. But I don't think regret does anyone any good most of the time. I used to know someone who said his goal in life is to have no regrets. That could mean you avoid making decisions so no bad OR good decisions are made, or you learn the art of making lemonade out of lemons in life. Perhaps it's true what they say, "nothing worth having in life comes easy." At end of the day, I'm still glad I'm a doctor, married and a mommy to a puppy. So that's my life in a nutshell. Although I'm constantly trying to fit more in a nutshell than it can hold.

Seriously, this is just for laughs. . .

A resident sent me this, it made me chuckle.

*CLICK on pic to ENLARGE*

Weighed Down

Yes, "weighed down" is exactly how I feel right now. Like a sinking anchor, a balloon that won't stay afloat, a bag too heavy for the back. And maybe even like what a lot of patients often tell me, "it feels like there's an elephant on my chest!" It's only the 3rd week into my 13 weeks straight of ward medicine, and I'm already "weighed down," on the verge of burnout. Ha, can you tell I'm a countdown person? I was at the store the other day, and a singing Christmas tree told me it was 74 days 'til Christmas. But no, I was not quite in the holiday spirit.

I am weighed down by all the patient care duties, all the work hours, demands of my pets at home. The pager calls from the hospital while I'm trying to feed myself and the animals at home, the insanely early wake-up calls, the regularly scheduled sleepless nights, aggg!!! What's worse, I have a BIG test this Friday that's woefully unstudied for and Kitty is getting sicker, quickly spirally out of our ability to take care of her. At work, it's one patient after another, admissions upon admissions. At home, it's books piled high to be read, and Kitty's intestinal mess to be cleaned up day after day. Thank God that Hiro has stepped up and leaving his business for me exactly where I want him to. But Hiro is getting older, and he needs professional obedience training now which I have not yet secured for him.

I've finally spent some time today realizing I'm overwhelmed and coming up with some ideas to fix this. My upcoming free weekend, although already planned full, is so much more needed now. What I need is just a little time off and then get into action:

1. Prioritize my to-do's
2. Cut down on the daily non-essentials
3. Maximize my spare time at home
4. Re-focus on the really important goals.

Ha ha, my life is sounding like a business plan, if only I had come up with a cute acronym. I'll be okay, a concoction of sleep and wise stategizing will do wonders for being "weighed down."

Randomness.

Ahhh, I'm tired, just plain bone-tired. It's like that line from Demi Moore's character on the old movie "St. Elmo's Fire" who says, "I'm so tired, I never thought I would be so tired at 27." It's a great classic movie, BTW, about the coming of age of a group of young people in the 1980's. There are so many good old classic movies that people miss out on because of the constant barrage of new and glittery movies from Hollywood every year. "St.Elmo's Fire", "Fried Green Tomatoes", and "Harold and Maude" are some memorable classics that come to mind.

Finally got home after another 30-hour call. I'm on my stretch of 12 days of work straight without a day off. My "golden" weekend (both Sat and Sun off) is next weekend. Yes, I'm so looking forward to some R&R. Need to straighten up the house, do laundry, clean up doggie's path of destruction, bathe the dog and just plain veggie out.

I came home at 3pm to a nice simple lunch by hubby. As soon as I ate, I konked out on the couch, then zombied over to my bed. (Am I making words up?) I could not get up out of bed after a nap, I thought I could just stay in bed forever. But hubby dragged me out of bed at 6:30pm for our daily walk with Hiro. Yes, Hiro has finally taken his first step outdoors. He's taken to the leash like a child with a bicycle. Training wheels are almost no longer necessary. Speaking of training, he's 90% housetrained!! That is, he knows how to use his indoor tray for pee and poop. This has to be one of the best and surprising news as I feared housetraining would take months.

Then at 7pm, hubby and I had dinner (thanks to hubby again) and watched a movie, one of those forementioned newish Nicolas Cage movies. Kitty sleeping in a tight curl, and Hiro contentedly playing with his chew toy at the side. I'm so pleased to see my animals happy.

Some blogging time, and now time for sleep again. Tomorrow my 10-hour day starts all over again, until the fifth night from now, when I'm back on 30 hour call at the hospital.

I miss a lot of things when being busy, but right now I miss just having time to think about things, big and small, and even better, spending time thinking about nothing at all.

Puppy Love

Who can resist a stubby little tail wagging fiercely solely because you’ve come home at end of the day? I hope Hiro never loses the bounce in his steps, the seriousness he brings to play, the unending curiosity, the Speedy-Gonzalez energy, and of course his puppy adorableness. Check out his one lopsided ear, smallish eyes and Eistein-crazy hair. (I have yet to take him to the groomer's for a proper haircut.)

"No, it wasn't me, mommy!"


"I'm cute but I'm lethal, I can lick you to death if you let me!"

"Those are not bags under my eyes, they're tear-stains, common in my breeds, the maltese and poodle. Mommy can buy some Angel's Eyes to use on me but she hasn't had the time."


ZZZZZ, finally.

I've been wondering what Hiro would look like all grown-up. . .this pic (from the web) might be a close rendition minus the longer ears.