He Says. . .

Hubby said today:

"I weigh myself every morning, and from that I figure out how much I can eat for the day."
(Hmm, how does that work again?)

"If I have a daughter one day, I want her to be just like you."
(Ahhh, thanks!)

Conflicts

I’m a conflicted person. Let me explain why. I strive to be a learned person, but I also indulge in the ultra frivolous. I really want to be thin, only to be trumped by my love of eating. I desire to be godly but I don’t love God enough. I like to see hubby healthy and long-living but I also want him to enjoy the time he has on earth. I love my husband but I’m ever so critical of him. I’m really fun-loving inside but I’m also the biggest worrier there is. In terms of fun, I think laughter ranks right up there with shopping and the other “s” word but I can cry just as easy. I believe I’m in the best profession there is but I would hate to do it full-time. I can’t wait for retirement but I don’t want to get old. I want to be a fashionista but I end up wearing the same old outfit all the time. I love shopping but that’s complicated by a strong sense of frugality instilled in me by my parents. . .

. . .actually, bargain shopping nicely compromises that last conflict. If there was “bargain shopping” in the Olympics, it would be my event. This weekend is Texas’s tax-free weekend for clothing items and so I took advantage. Here’s a look at the damage done (too guilty to ask hubby to take pics for me):

*CLICK on picture to enlarge*

(most pics will enlarge)

Polka dots!! I recently watched the movie "Because I Said So" and fell in love with polka dots! I bought 3 polka dot items today. Don't know why but I was really drawn to polka dots and the color green today.

I love this green top, so cute with red heart-shaped buttons. It's very urban-Asian, I think. I'm wearing it with black capris and red pumps.

I like this conservative and classic dress. You can't see it very well, but this dress looks perfect with with my string of pearls. I'm wearing it to work next week.

But I can also do fun and flirty, which is what this dress is. It's a really nice silver metallic color. Another shopper at the store told me it would go great with black stilletos and a night of dancing. I agree but since hubby and I are not dancing people, I'll wear it to a nice restaurant.

Cute baby doll shirt with empire waist. Why, oh why did I not discover this trend earlier??! It hides my tummy (esp post-eating) so nicely. I can also wear it for pregnancy one day, hehe.

Another fun, cute shirt to wear with my skinny jeans, which I hope is still "in" this fall.

I can't have fun all the time, here's a new shirt for work. It's crisp and clean with nice ruffling details.

The ever so classic khaki trenchcoat for this coming fall. Like pearls and polk dot dresses, every girl should also have a trenchcoat.

Just Having Fun. . .

Gray tunic dress top, black leggings and matching flats.

Hairstyle borrowed from Heather Graham in the movie, "Gray Matters." A delish small bun in the middle with 2 cute hairpins on the sides.

Pictures (of wedding and Kitty)

There are few events more enjoyable than a wedding. I've regretted the several weddings we were unable to attend this past year due to school, weather, work, travel, graduation, etc. Here's one we were able to attend in Arkansas, James and Melinda's wedding last Saturday.

We are both very cheeky (full cheeks), no?




With the happy couple.



Here is Kitty enjoying a movie. . .it was "Because I Said So."

Borrrrrrrrrinnngg. . .that or I'm just an old cat who needs her sleep.

Ahh, this elective month is great . . .I'm actually getting paid to read EKGs with the cardiologists.

Perspectives

"You can always have your way if your have enough ways."

--Unknown


"If all our misfortunes were laid in one heap whence everyone must take an equal portion, most people would be contented to take their own and depart."

--Socrates


How's that to chew on, or better yet, to ruminate over?

A Look-Back on July

So here’s what’s been going with me. I finished my first month of wards medicine. It’s been a hard month. The excitement and general love of my job did sustain me, though. That doesn’t mean I didn’t complain to hubby quite a bit. Being on call and without sleep for 24 hours is the hardest because I find myself barely able to function or care at the end. By the time I reach home at end of call, I all but collapse and feel like I have the flu every time. It turns out my fellow interns had a tough time of it, too. Many of us have been working over 80 hours per week, which is the limit set by the ACGME. We had a meeting with the program director and she promptly decided to change our schedule. For reasons that are political, we are still having the 30-hour calls Q 5 days but on the days we are not on call, we can go home early, so instead of 12-hour work days on non-call days, it’ll be more manageable at 8-10 hour days.

Now, I’m on cardiology for the month of August. The cardiologists are great, quick to teach and easy-going. I’m enjoying it, so far. This month is suppose to be our “break” with no calls and every weekend off! The other intern who’s on this rotation with me is 10 weeks pregnant. It was an unexpected pregnancy and she’s dealing with nausea and fatigue. I really do sympathize with her. What surprises me, no, astounds me, is that she only plans to take 1 month off for her baby so she doesn’t have to be behind schedule and extend her residency. Yes, it can be done, but as for me, I would want to be solely mommy for a longer time.

On the flipside, I’m experimenting with wearing more fun yet professional clothes to work. I wore this black capri pants with high-heeled sandals on Friday. I actually did okay with walking on high heels all day! The cardiologist we were working with took one look at my shoes and said “hmm, fancy.” He was also the one commented on my “Tiffany” bracelet and “Coach” handbag. Yes, I had on a bracelet and carried a handbag but they were no where close to their descriptors. Hmm, try Target’s and Kohl’s. He was just teasing, I know. No, I’m not the only doctor that wears high heels in the hospital, and yes, this cardiologist likes to tease everyone.

All that aside, I have wanted to get a nice, presentable leather handbag for a long time. I have pretty much given up on having a Louis Vuitton bag. Nor am I aiming for a Coach or Chanel, just something nicer and pricier than what I’m use to. Hubby has promised to venture the mall with me tomorrow and look for a handbag for me. That is a big concession on his part, seeing he doesn’t like to go to the mall for anything!

Other news, Kitty is sick. She’s been vomiting, not eating, and losing weight. I took her to the vet and it turns out she has hyperthyroidism which means she’s at least 10 years old. We are giving her medicine twice a day for the hyperthyroidism. She has stopped vomiting and is eating more. I have given up on the high-quality hard-to-find cat food for her because she would rather starve than eat her old food. But she loves canned Friskies and Fancy Feast from the supermarket which is half the price of her old food anyways!

And finally, a shout out to hubby. He’s simply been great this past month. What would I have done without his support, home-cooked meals, foot messages, evening walks, etc?

People.

Today I learned what truly makes me love my job. People. People like Mr.H and Mrs.A, whom I saw in clinic today. On the flipside, there are people that make me feel the opposite about my profession.

“I’m going to be 83 soon and God hasn’t taken me yet, I guess he just doesn’t have room up there for me yet.” Said Mr. H, who has had his big share of medical problems in his long years including a brain tumor that was removed in open brain surgery.

Full of stories that could only come with years of life, Mr.H said, “After my brain surgery, there would be people that look at me on the streets, sometimes they don’t say anything but I know they are curious and want to ask me what happened to my head and why I have a the scar. I’d say to them, ‘my brain was too big and the doc had to take some out!’ ” Ha ha, I thought that was so funny. I wasn’t following up on his brain surgery today but rather his diabetes, hypertension, etc. He is what we call a very compliant patient, takes his meds and follows up with all his docs, and entertains the staff when he comes to visit the clinic, no less.

Another patient was a woman I first met in the ER and admitted to the hospital. She knew she had diabetes a year ago but decided not to get any treatment. In fact, she hasn’t seen a doctor in over a year. Her blood sugar in the ER was through the roof. We stabilized her and on her day of discharge I gave her my lecture on the importance of getting her diabetes managed by seeing a doctor regularly. “Since you don’t have a PCP (primary care physician), you can come to see me in the clinic.” I told her. As I said this, I hoped she would follow up, but with the population we see in the hospital, I knew it’s a slim chance. But today in clinic, I recognized her name immediately on the schedule. She proudly reported she’s been taking all the medicine I gave her and even came with a pen and notepad to jot down changes I made to her medicines. Mrs.A is on the reserved side and her expression is rather flat most of the time, but today I knew she cared about her health and was ready to do what’s right for herself.

Those two patients are bright examples of what makes me love my job. They take control of their own health and are in partnership with their doctors. When I encounter people like that, I don’t mind taking that extra step or coming early and stay late in the hospital for them. The patients are in the driver’s seat, I can only give them directions. It’s up to them to get themselves from point A to point B, where they should be. Sometimes, it’s that very point that makes medicine so hard and makes me wonder if I would have gone into medicine 8 years ago knowing what I know now. Take Mr. D.

Mr.D was the last patient that I admitted on a 32 hour call (from 8am on Sunday to 4pm on Monday). I haven’t had dinner, didn’t have breakfast the next morning, and of course no sleep. On top of that, I had all the nervousness of trying my hand at placing my first central line on a patient in the ICU that night. Before that, a patient of mine coded and after 40 minutes of CPR, drugs, and shocks, the patient expired. The whole family was there, crying and bawling, the chaplain came, we told them we did everything we could. It’s was a bad night. Then came Mr.D at 3am, a 40-something homeless cocaine abuser who had abused his heart all the way into failure. He was barely alert enough to answer my questions. I thought, “If it weren’t for you, mister, I would be getting a couple hours of much needed sleep right now instead of trying to talk to you.” I was genuinely miffed, but I took care of him the best my groggy brain and hands would allow me. What’s more upsetting is this fact: Mr. A, this relatively young guy who has no other health problems except for cocaine-induced heart failure gets hundreds of thousands of dollars in procedures and treatment, free, because he’s penniless and all the while another patient of mine who’s responsible and has a job doesn’t get the same life-saving heart catherization that Mr. D received all because she happens to work and makes a little too much to qualify for government assistance but not enough to pay for the procedure. She is saving up her money for a heart cath while Mr.D will likely go back on the street tomorrow and shoot cocaine and abuse his heart. Okay, it begs the question, where does Mr.D get his money for his drug habit?! Yes, this is the kind of system that I learned that our country has, the system that I work under. “Unfair” doesn’t seem to begin to cover it.

All in all, I choose to focus on lovely people like my two patients in the clinic. They show me that I am working 80-plus-hour weeks, sleep deprived, and bone-tired for good reasons. At least most of the time.

A Grand Ol' Day. . .

. . .is having a day off, taking a walk with hubby in cool breeze to Central Market and buying some yummy bread pudding. . .

(New) Facts of (My) Life.

1. Eight-hour work days are my short/part-time days. Those days are rare.

2. If I don't write it down, it doesn't get done. I've become a religious list-maker.

3. There is such a thing as being too busy to eat. . .or to answer other calls of nature.

4. Holidays are not an entitlement, it's a privilege. . .a privilege I didn't have for Fourth of July, nor will have for Thanksgiving and Christmas. That goes for weekends and nights, too.

5. I love my job, so far.

6. Patients don't get well on medicine alone. Only half of my job is about knowing why a patient is sick and what treatment he/she needs. The other half is social medicine: figuring out what medicine a patient can or can't afford, calling family members to check that they are ready for their loved one to come home, making sure patients get home health or nursing home care after discharge, etc.

Random Blurb

The day starts out with good intentions: I'd put on mascara, and my pointy-toed pumps that go clikety-clack down the hospital halls. By end of the day, the white coat weighted down by PDA, stethscope, books, papers, pens, cell phone, and pager feels like a potato sack on my back. My cute heels have become little torture chambers for my feet. Worst of all, I come home and realize my face has turned greasy in 13 hours and the mascara has made a panda of me!

Yes, tomorrow I go without (embellished) lashes and I wear my Dansko (funny) clogs.