No Title Entry

I'm feeling a whole lot better and more optimistic this week. I just needed a couple of days off. That was not too much to ask for in life is it??! Amazingly, our last call was relatively light which meant I was able to wash my face, use the bathroom and eat (things that come second to patients in the ER) . . . and my clinic schedule had a few no-shows which meant I got out in time. Perhaps God was looking out for me:) Also, with hubby's help, I rearranged some furnitures at home that's both more functional and feng-shui. Okay, I don't know about the feng-shui part, but it works, okay?!

One thing I haven't managed to fit in my life is study time. I'm suppose to read about my patients every night, do questions for our monthly exam daily, and regularly read the medical journals that come in the mail. Oh yeah, and do research project on the side, as in "outside" of our 80-hr work week. Sometimes, I just meditate on the incredulousness of all the expectations around me. It's all just a little too much for me. I've got the dog, the cat, a husband, a home to take care of after work. I'm already not shopping, exercising and I hardly socialize, yet, I just don't have enough time in a day.

In light of this, a friend asked me recently, "why did you get a dog? how do you have the time?" I so appreciated her question, I thought it was very intuitive of her to ask. With no time for essentials like sleep and pray, why did I get a dog at this time? The simple truth is I had no idea how much it would take to take care of a puppy! Sometimes you learn the lesson after the fact. Luckily, I feel like I've been bailed out. Not only is hubby helping out so much with Hiro, he's a natural at being a dog owner/lover. I appreciate it since it was principally me that wanted to get the dog in the first place. And with Hiro being toilet-trained, that helps out a bunch, too!

It brings up the question in me, if I knew the EXACT consequences of every decision I make, would I still have made those decisions? I wonder how many experiences I'd have missed out on? Should all our decisions be perfect? Should we aspire to a life that always go according to plan? I mean, if I knew how I felt about medicine today, would I still have decided to become pre-med in college? If I knew how marriage is really like on some days, would I still got married? And the puppy, if all the work was revealed to me beforehand, would I have taken him home?

In my opinion, thinking too much is a sure way to kill an experience. It's like being at the mall, if I think too much about a purchase, I probably wouldn't end up buying anything at all. Or if you are skydiving, right before you jump, you start to think about what you're really doing, then how can you jump after that?

I'm not saying we shouldn't think before we proceed, but there are those of us who err on the side of thinking too much. Of course, bad decisions in life are inevitable. But I don't think regret does anyone any good most of the time. I used to know someone who said his goal in life is to have no regrets. That could mean you avoid making decisions so no bad OR good decisions are made, or you learn the art of making lemonade out of lemons in life. Perhaps it's true what they say, "nothing worth having in life comes easy." At end of the day, I'm still glad I'm a doctor, married and a mommy to a puppy. So that's my life in a nutshell. Although I'm constantly trying to fit more in a nutshell than it can hold.

Seriously, this is just for laughs. . .

A resident sent me this, it made me chuckle.

*CLICK on pic to ENLARGE*

Weighed Down

Yes, "weighed down" is exactly how I feel right now. Like a sinking anchor, a balloon that won't stay afloat, a bag too heavy for the back. And maybe even like what a lot of patients often tell me, "it feels like there's an elephant on my chest!" It's only the 3rd week into my 13 weeks straight of ward medicine, and I'm already "weighed down," on the verge of burnout. Ha, can you tell I'm a countdown person? I was at the store the other day, and a singing Christmas tree told me it was 74 days 'til Christmas. But no, I was not quite in the holiday spirit.

I am weighed down by all the patient care duties, all the work hours, demands of my pets at home. The pager calls from the hospital while I'm trying to feed myself and the animals at home, the insanely early wake-up calls, the regularly scheduled sleepless nights, aggg!!! What's worse, I have a BIG test this Friday that's woefully unstudied for and Kitty is getting sicker, quickly spirally out of our ability to take care of her. At work, it's one patient after another, admissions upon admissions. At home, it's books piled high to be read, and Kitty's intestinal mess to be cleaned up day after day. Thank God that Hiro has stepped up and leaving his business for me exactly where I want him to. But Hiro is getting older, and he needs professional obedience training now which I have not yet secured for him.

I've finally spent some time today realizing I'm overwhelmed and coming up with some ideas to fix this. My upcoming free weekend, although already planned full, is so much more needed now. What I need is just a little time off and then get into action:

1. Prioritize my to-do's
2. Cut down on the daily non-essentials
3. Maximize my spare time at home
4. Re-focus on the really important goals.

Ha ha, my life is sounding like a business plan, if only I had come up with a cute acronym. I'll be okay, a concoction of sleep and wise stategizing will do wonders for being "weighed down."

Randomness.

Ahhh, I'm tired, just plain bone-tired. It's like that line from Demi Moore's character on the old movie "St. Elmo's Fire" who says, "I'm so tired, I never thought I would be so tired at 27." It's a great classic movie, BTW, about the coming of age of a group of young people in the 1980's. There are so many good old classic movies that people miss out on because of the constant barrage of new and glittery movies from Hollywood every year. "St.Elmo's Fire", "Fried Green Tomatoes", and "Harold and Maude" are some memorable classics that come to mind.

Finally got home after another 30-hour call. I'm on my stretch of 12 days of work straight without a day off. My "golden" weekend (both Sat and Sun off) is next weekend. Yes, I'm so looking forward to some R&R. Need to straighten up the house, do laundry, clean up doggie's path of destruction, bathe the dog and just plain veggie out.

I came home at 3pm to a nice simple lunch by hubby. As soon as I ate, I konked out on the couch, then zombied over to my bed. (Am I making words up?) I could not get up out of bed after a nap, I thought I could just stay in bed forever. But hubby dragged me out of bed at 6:30pm for our daily walk with Hiro. Yes, Hiro has finally taken his first step outdoors. He's taken to the leash like a child with a bicycle. Training wheels are almost no longer necessary. Speaking of training, he's 90% housetrained!! That is, he knows how to use his indoor tray for pee and poop. This has to be one of the best and surprising news as I feared housetraining would take months.

Then at 7pm, hubby and I had dinner (thanks to hubby again) and watched a movie, one of those forementioned newish Nicolas Cage movies. Kitty sleeping in a tight curl, and Hiro contentedly playing with his chew toy at the side. I'm so pleased to see my animals happy.

Some blogging time, and now time for sleep again. Tomorrow my 10-hour day starts all over again, until the fifth night from now, when I'm back on 30 hour call at the hospital.

I miss a lot of things when being busy, but right now I miss just having time to think about things, big and small, and even better, spending time thinking about nothing at all.

Puppy Love

Who can resist a stubby little tail wagging fiercely solely because you’ve come home at end of the day? I hope Hiro never loses the bounce in his steps, the seriousness he brings to play, the unending curiosity, the Speedy-Gonzalez energy, and of course his puppy adorableness. Check out his one lopsided ear, smallish eyes and Eistein-crazy hair. (I have yet to take him to the groomer's for a proper haircut.)

"No, it wasn't me, mommy!"


"I'm cute but I'm lethal, I can lick you to death if you let me!"

"Those are not bags under my eyes, they're tear-stains, common in my breeds, the maltese and poodle. Mommy can buy some Angel's Eyes to use on me but she hasn't had the time."


ZZZZZ, finally.

I've been wondering what Hiro would look like all grown-up. . .this pic (from the web) might be a close rendition minus the longer ears.

Of Cats and Dogs

Almost perfect: Hubby studying Powerpoint lectures, I'm next to him doing multiple-choice questions with Hiro sleeping at our feet and Kitty napping at a corner. . .all four of us on the same bed. Ahh, what peace, what harmony, the whole family, the “pack” together.

However, just earlier that day, I recall the scene of Hiro dancing ecstatically around Kitty inviting her to play, while Kitty, a grounded statue of calm suddenly break into a hissing fit followed by the rise of a sharp-clawed paw perfected for gauging puppy eyes. Hiro cowers back in such pitiful fear that I had to scoop him up and make sure his black marble eyes were still intact. All day long, I was chasing the cat away from dog food and chastising the puppy for eating cat food. Yes, I’ve got two animals who shows a great deal more interest in each other’s food than their own. In midst of trying to housetrain Hiro, my trusted litterbox-using cat has decided she’s going to pee on carpet, too! In midst of chaos, I am armed with gallons of Nature’s Miracle enzymatic cleaner, bags of doggy treats, and a floorful of chewy dog toys all in the hope of successfully raising a puppy. It’s been a challenge, no doubt. And on top of it all, I’m careful to pay Ms. Kitty extra attention to let her know she’s still special and loved. At least she’s already established her dominance over the puppy after just a few fearsome swats. I admire my cat as she walks with confidence, with a regal slowness befitting a seasoned and rightful queen. The puppy will dart side to side, back and forth, and then halt in his tracks to let the cat pass by.

Everything is new to Hiro, which makes puppyhood all the more refreshing and challenging. I remember the first time he heard my stomach growl, he stopped abruptly in his play and looked at me quizzically. And the day he discovered his own bark. It was a weak sound at first but now it’s a powerful resonance that sometime surprises me as it comes from a mop-headed and teddybear-faced three-pounder. He has decided barking is fine way of communicating with us. Ha, but no, little one! There are so many things to beat out of a dog’s nature before he can be accepted as a “good” pet, it’s a wonder that dogs ever became domesticated and civilized housemates to humans. Cats are much more of a natural fit for house-living. Almost from day one, cats will fit seamlessly into our lives as they come already litterbox-trained a la mode instinct, self-cleaning and odor-free, capable of independent play and has minimal destructive behavior which can be easily controlled with a scratching post from Petsmart. A dog, on the other hand, must discard much of his unacceptable doggy-ness and assiduously re-learn a set of house rules before he’s a free-roaming full-privileged member of the family. To be a good cat owner, one just have to love the cat, and everything else will either come naturally or one will be taught by the cat. To successfully own a dog, however, one better have an arsenal of patience, leadership skills and a hobby degree in canine psychology! It seems to be totally against a dog’s nature to limit his peeing and pooping activity to one area and one area only. Human feet, especially when moving, are chew toys to be reckoned with for a puppy. And unless I establish myself as the “head”, the puppy will attempt to become the “alpha dog” over me by humping my leg and with other deeply ingrained but socially unacceptable canine gestures. It was my fear that I got the dominant puppy of the litter, and I’ve done my darnest to assert my alpha-ness. As I clean up dog poo, prepare dog food, give dog treats, bathe my puppy, and engage in puppy play on all fours, I can’t help but wonder, hmm, who is really the master here? But enriched my life my animals have.

New Phones

The Motorola RIZR phone in blue and rose.

Paul and I finally got some new phones. The paint has come off my old one and I was literally embarassed to take it out in public, and let's just say hubby's old phone was the prototype with black and white screen.