Insomnia is a Bitch

. . .since I can't sleep, I'm gonna blog. I don't know what it is, I haven't had a lick of coffee, didn't take any naps today. . .perhaps it's hubby's very loud snoring. Seriously, snoring is NO small matter, what is the affected spouse to do??! I know it might not be an issue that parallels that of national security, but it honestly is destructive on a personal level, and creates anguish nevertheless! God, are you there?? The squishy pink earplugs from Walgreen's no longer work. Is hubby's snoring actually getting louder or did my ears grow superpower strength? I decline at prodding him, since I know I'm the one that pays no heed to alarm clocks these days while he's the one working 12-hr days. So I let hubby snore, while I type away.

I have several thoughts on my mind:

1. Resurrecting this blog: after a long absence, I'm gonna write here again. It's been a year plus three months since my last post. I stopped because I no longer had time and even less energy. Now I have both back. Also, I'm re-starting this blog with less pressure. Before, I admit, I had an inexplicable pressure to be positive and cheery in my posts, hah, just see the Blog title I came up with. I was beginning to feel like I was putting on a facade for readers who weren't there! Yeah, life is not sunny and puppy love all the time. The truth is, I have plenty of melancholy and it's okay. While I'm at it, screw spell check and correct grammar!! Celebrate life's imperfections and cloudy skies.

2. Oprah Winfrey: I decidedly like her a lot. I've been watching her shows as of late, a perk of my new found leisure time. Unfortunately, just as I've become a fan, she's doing her farewell season! She delves into issues of real substance on her show (unlike say Tyra) and not just the superficial. I love how she was an ugly duckling who transformed into a beautiful goose. She was a homely girl, abused and poor, and NOW, a mogul of worldwide fame. Most of all, I love her motto of "live your best life." What is that Socrates saying I first heard in High School? ---"The unexamined life is not worth living." But, Mark Twain rebuts, "The unexamined life may not be worth living, but the life too closely examined may not be lived at all." I want to live my life somewhere in the middle of those two quotes.

3. One in 4 girls are abused, 1 in 6 boys are abused: Just learned on Oprah today. It is things like these that feeds the melancholy in me. Do I need any more evidence that this world is in the crapper? When I have kids, I might never let them out of my sight. I'll have to do a "why this world sucks" list one day. I'm not someone that can easily shake off news like that. It stays with me, like dandruff that won't go away, reminders that this world is bad, bad, bad. Another example, the Nidal Hassan Fort Hood shotting 1 yr anniversary was today. What else? The war in Middle East, terrorists at large, both of which with no sign of stopping.

4. Bette Midler: I love her! Her music, I should clarify. I just recently found her, too. Also like with Oprah, I feel like I've missed the boat with Bette. Unfortunate for me, she's old, and unlikely to do another live concert or tour, but I'll just love her through iTunes. My favorite song at the moment is "From a Distance." The words alone move me. Unlike pop music, her music is great because of her voice, not the synthetic jumbo-mumbo that hide actual voices and call music these days. She's a singer in the truest sense, her voice and lyrics come through the music. Her voice IS the music, very human, simple and powerful. Sometimes, music is the only place where we can create ideals of love and life whereas the real world is so crappy, like I mentioned above. Yes, I'm a closet pessimist that indulge in the sappy, I mean beautiful. Yes, I like my movies sappy and happy, too --the world is crappy enough, the theme here tonight.

Signing off to catch some ZZZs, I hope.

Walk-Through

We had our walk-through (a.k.a home orientation) today in our soon-to-be-first-house!! Our tourguide to our own house is a guy who calls himself Ant, short for Anthony. He gave us a crash course in how to take care of a house: learned that the new green air con system requires monthly filter change up in the attic (that'll be hubby's job), learned that the sprinklers must be pre-set according to season (it's got cool things like "drip irrigation" and "rain sensor"), learned that the foundation of a house in Texas must be watered religiously (yes, like every Sunday) or it can shrink up to 8 inches, learned that I shall not wear pointy heels on our hard wood floor because it exerts 1000lb of pressure in one small spot and will dent. . .also learned Good Housekeeping seal-worthy tidbits like lemon and ice cubes down the trash disposer is a good way to keep it clean. . . there's so much more (why didn't I take notes?!)

At the end of it all, Ant said "maintaining your home is a like a part-time job." Ha ha, I could've laughed and cried, I was thinking to myself, "but I don't want another part-time job, how many part-time jobs outside of full-time jobs can a person have?" But it's too late, it looks like we just about bought ourselves a house. And, I didn't even mention the whole lawn care business, our holly bushes, our Indian hawthornes, knockout roses, and four cute baby trees. . .they look innocent now but wait. . .

Here's an artist rendition of our house.

Dallas

There's only 2 things to do in Dallas, eat and shop. . .that is why I'm fat and broke.

The Answer to All My Problems. . .

. . .Ta Daaaa



An elliptical machine. . . yeah, okay, not ALL my problems but a fair amount of them, I hope!:) It's a Sole E55 2009 model. This ginourmous thing arrives in 1 to 2 weeks.

Boudoir

I have many dreams for my house one day. One of which, as I declared to hubby tonight, is to have my very own "girly room." As it turns out, there's a name for it, the "boudoir." No, I'm not talking about a genre of photography but a type of room! Leave it to the French to know my thoughts and all things feminine! Per Merriam Webster, a "boudoir" is a a woman's dressing room, bedroom, or private sitting room. I envision my boudoir to be a place where my teddy bears can hang out in midst of my clothes, shoes and of course fabulously fun accessories. I want the walls to be some shade of pink and adorned with all things cute. It'll be a place for me to retreat and do my girly things. At first I thought it might just be an over-sized walk-in closet with a generous mirror, but I think I'll have a corner for gift wrapping, and maybe knitting or sewing, too if I ever take these hobbies up. Here are some pics for my future boudoir inspiration.

Dressing room of Carolina Herrera Jr.

The "Princess Room" of Xiaxue.

Girls' Trip

Here's our very first Girls' Only Trip this year which took place in sunny California. That means, no husbands, boyfriends, babies/children, dogs or pagers. This was our first but I hope not last reunion.

Our "reunion" memorialized in sand, which was soon erased by the ocean wave.

At the Santa Cruz beach. As Laurel said, the ocean waves and vista make one contemplative.

I can't help but dream of living in California one day, but hubby never fails to remind me of the inconvenient threats that come with paradise: earthquakes, forest fires, and tsunamis.

Shadow picture, Shoreh's idea.

With Laurel at Firshermen's Wharf. That's an eyeball flower to the left of me!

The awesome foursome, R to L: Joyce, Shoreh, Laurel, and Linda. We've known each other for 16 years!! My oldest and bestest friends.

Obamamania

"Rosa Parks sat so Martin Luther King Jr could march, Martin marched so Obama could run."

Hazards of Having a Dog

In his short life, Hiro has already chewed up and thereby destroyed 5 pairs of our shoes. Something about me is that I love my shoes dearly. Luckily, the shoes that Hiro have preyed upon and killed have been ones I was only half-heartedly attached to, the ones I truly cherish are hidden in safe high spots. Here's my sequential thought process when I discover the useless carcass of a plaything that was once a shoe: 1. "Oh my gosh, I hope Hiro didn't swallow something bad and having internal bleeding." 2. "Oh well, I guess I'll just have to buy more shoes." 3. "Ohhhh, he's so cute, I have to forgive him."

However, it was different when Hiro broke a key off of my laptop! My precious laptop! Let's just say he was in one of his super-charged hopping mad episode (pun intended)... he jumped then landed hard on my laptop which he mistook for my lap since the said item was on my lap. The letter "K" flew off my keyboard like a mini UFO. Luckily, what's left of the key still works, and luckily, the letter "K" is not a often used key (never mind the fact that I just typed it 6 times!). Aggg, he's too cute, I forgive.

Anyone knows how to repair a broken key off of the keyboard?

Inspired to Clean

This was a very uncharacteristic day in which I came home from work early at 10am due to a scheduling mishap. As if to continue the uncharacteristic theme, I spent the whole day cleaning our home! After getting rid of loads of junk mail and other paper rubbish, dusting off the TV and furnitures, wiping clean the microwave and kitchen counter, washing trash cans (yes, I washed them), organizing my desk and vanity corner, etc., I found myself still with work left and utterly exhausted but wholly satisfied.

If only my hard work will last. . .I'm soo hiring a maid one day when I have more money. Like I said, it's very uncharacteristic for me to get inspired for cleaning.

My Day Off

The good thing about having weekdays off is that when you visit places like the park or store, it's not overcrowded. The downside is of course going to work on weekends, :( Here's our recent picnic and frolic at White Rock Lake. Yeah, we always go to the same spot.

"Too much sun in my face!"

Car ride home, "I'm pooped". . .

. . .Maybe not.

Once Upon A Wardrobe

On a whim, I decided to create a new blog dedicated to my inner fashionista and shopoholic tendencies. So from here on out, I will post my wardrobe thrills/experiments at www.onceuponawardrobe.blogspot.com. Unfortunately, "Inside My Closet" as a blog name was taken already, so I came up with a new name.

Actually, I haven't been shopping in a while ( a month or so) since starting my CCU month, but I've got enough fodder in my closet to keep me experimenting for a while. Lovin' the fall weather!

Hiro the Ominvore

I admit, I have been having fun feeding Hiro various non-dog foods. Not to mention that he seems to love it too. I just feel bad that his main sustenance consist of dried nibblets out of a paper bag. I mean, how natural of a diet is that for a dog? Over the summer, Hiro would devour watermelon with us everyday. Now that watermelon season is over, he's been crunching on apples and Asian pears every time I eat them. He also likes the occasional carrot, boiled eggs and cheese. In fact, he's got a sweet tooth so that makes most of the fruit family. He's not too much a vegetable guy but loves the really special occasion turkey leg bone and pork ankle bone. And our latest bon appetit adventure? Steamed acorn squash! I love it, too, so I'm going out to get some more.

Auto Theft

There was another announcement from our condo listserver about an recent auto theft. I wonder if that was the night I was woken up by loud car alarm going off. My car was getting conspicuously dirty and had thought to ask Paul to get it washed it for me, but now maybe I won't and the dirtiness of my car will deter the auto theives. You think?

What does Luck have to do with it?

It was one of those days that started so early that by the time it ended, the morning felt like it whole another a day ago. I was home at night before I remembered the jarring event that started my day. . .I was driving to work in the dark 'cause that's how it is at 5:30 AM in the morning, when I suddenly noticed a bicyclist literally just 20 feet ahead of my SUV! I quickly swerved to the other lane, so LUCKY that there was no car on the other lane, and even LUCKier because I didn't hit the bicyclist who had no reflective gear on him nor the bike! It was impossible to see him on a non-lit street. I wanted to yell out, "you idiot!", "do you want to die?!" but I quickly began thanking God for not allowing me to hurt someone and for bypassing (no pun intended) what could have been a tragedy. I had literally just missed hitting the man by a second! Yes, I felt lucky and grateful.

Now I'm thinking of an exchange of words that happened between my attending and a patient that same day. The conversation went like this,

Dr. B: You husband had a mini stroke and it has since resolved. It turns out he didn't have a full-blown stroke. He's a very lucky man.

Patient's wife: Luck has nothing to do with it, it's BLESSING, that's what it is, BLESSING.

The wife was so emphatic with her answer it reminds me of the mannerisms of a preacher teaching Sunday school or a politician rebutting his opponent.

LUCK and BLESSING?? What are their relationship, if any? Are luck and blessing the different sides of the same coin? Are they the same thing? Or some will say "there is no such thing as luck."

I wonder what will my patient's wife say to the spouses of the many many patients who have strokes and end up aphasic and paralyzed? Were those patients simply unblessed or damned? Was I blessed or just lucky to have avoided that accident on the road this morning? I certainly felt both lucky and blessed at the same time. Then how do I explain the poignant and tragic interview I saw on Oprah with a grandmother who accidentally ran over her young grandson while backing out of the driveway. Why? Why did I not hit the stupid man on his bike and the grandmother killed her beloved grandson? Does luck or blessing have anything to do with our similar but different scenarios?

The crutch of the problem for me is when one says "I am blessed by God because of such and such" that is to say others who are in opposite situations are NOT blessed by God. Does anyone have such power to make such a statement for God --whom He blesses and whom He doesn't? Yes, there are blessings in disguise which we find out later. But are "blessings in disguise" ever include untimely deaths of loved ones?

Anyways, just some of my thought. Good night.

the black blazer

Cleanliness is Next to Godliness. . .

. . .gosh, I need to be working on both. . .

. . .after residency.

Ambulatory Medicine

This outfit is what I wore to my last day of work this past Friday, I had my white coat over it, of course. Except I wore a pair of wedge-heeled peep-toes instead of these strappy sandles which are not meant for long hours of wear, I learned from one painful experience. Normally I don't wear the likes of this outfit to work because it's too cutsey and more fitting for a garden tea party or something. Yes, why don't someone invite me to a tea party? I'll find a big straw hat to match!

August has been my amublatory medicine month. A non-medicine friend asked me if "ambulatory" had anything to do with ambulances? Actually no, I always thought ambulatory meant that patients are ambulatory or able to walk, so they are walking in and out of the clinic. In any rate, ambulatory medicine is the same as outpatient medicine, as opposed to inpatient medicine where patients for the most part have to stay inhouse and can't be walking in and out.

I have possibly re-discovered my calling, ambulatory/outpatient medicine. What a great month I've had. In a nutshell, 8-5 job, weekends off, no nights. Most people's jobs are like that, but to me, it was a nice respite, a breath of fresh air. For a month, I was not a slave to my pager, I didn't stay at work a mintue past 5pm, and my weekends were my very own. I also loved the pace of outpatient medicine, I felt comfortable, in my element and competent. Our resident clinic has a fantastic bunch. Blanca and Javier (MAs), thanks so much for being always ready to translate, Ada (MA) for making breakfast tacos on my last day, Kathy (head nurse), for being the glue that holds the clinic together, Sim and Bettina (nurse and MA) for catching my documentation mistakes. And of course my two attendings, Dr.H and Dr.M, whom I've learned a lot from, not just strictly about medicine but about mixing life and medicine.

September means goodbye weekends and hello wards (inpatient medicine). In our residency program, being an upper level on wards means working all the weekends, we take our days off during M-F only. I will be on call the very first day of the month. Being a resident on call means cross-covering for the ICU when the ICU team has gone home, supervising interns' work, doing admissions fromt ER, and heading the codes anywhere in the hospital. It's a bit nerve-wracking just typing about it. Then again, I was ever so nervous when I started off as an intern one year ago. Just as I finally got good at being a intern, the bar is raised. I never feel that I'm quite ready or tall enough to reach that bar but somehow it gets done.

The Good, the Bad, and the Misc. . .

. . .not necessarily in that order.

Don't know if this outfit works at all. Do I look like someone out of Star Trek? This is an oversized "boyfriend" vest with tights and boots.

I found this white cropped jacket I like, but are these jackets still in fashion? I'm not sure but it's cute anyways. The white jacket is hard to match with stuff I already have. I like how the flared top looks with the jacket but the color of the top is just a tid-bit too dark for the bright white jacket. If the orange was a shade lighter, more pastel-like, it'd be perfect.

That same orange top with shorty shorts and my new white bag. I really like the white bag although the picture doesn't show its full details. I love white handbags as an accessory and it's actually not so hard to mix and match. I put together this outfit for the scorching hot Texas sun, but it shows just a little too much skin.

Another summer outfit, don't feel so exposed in this one 'cause the short is a bit longer and my shoulders are covered. I have since returned the big bright blue bag, I've decided the color is just going to be too hard to work with. Although it would look good with a plain black T-shirt now that I'm thinking about it. Oh well, I have enough bags as it is so unless I absolutely love it, I shouldn't keep it. Also, these shoes are called "kung fu" shoes, I just learned, funny huh?

Grown-up outfits

There's a fear in me these days that I don't dress my age, meaning perhaps most of my outfits are too high-school-ish. Well, more on that later. But these outfits here I put together for work so I'd look professional and stylish, and definitely NOT juvenile.

I love the color and ruffles of this blouse. I will wear it with a pair of grey slacks, too.

I've decided white pants CAN go under a white coat. I really like this sheer top with a camisole unerneath.

There's these shoes that I love

This pair of shoes caught my attention because it's unique and pretty. I've seen these shoes atleast on 3 different occasions in the stores but I said to myself, "silver shoes?! What am I going to do with silver shoes?" Well, it was not until this lasting shopping trip that I knew. And now it was on sale, too so I had to take it home with me.

Kitten heel slingback in silver by Arturo Chiang. I didn't know how he was, but now I know he's a shoe designer. Definitely will keep my eyes out for his stuff from now on. Here, those shoes are paired with my favorite yellow dress and a long string of pearls. Don't the shoes look dainty?

In it's full glory. Contrary to my prior beliefs, these silver shoes are actually very versatile and will go with a variety of outfits.

Two of the most good-looking things I have! What could be better! Hiro, the uber-cute maltipoo pup. "Good dog, don't chew mommy's shoes."