My Summer Sky

Insomnia is a Bitch

2010-11-06T01:29:00.000-07:00

. . .since I can't sleep, I'm gonna blog. I don't know what it is, I haven't had a lick of coffee, didn't take any naps today. . .perhaps it's hubby's very loud snoring. Seriously, snoring is NO small matter, what is the affected spouse to do??! I know it might not be an issue that parallels that of national security, but it honestly is destructive on a personal level, and creates anguish nevertheless! God, are you there?? The squishy pink earplugs from Walgreen's no longer work. Is hubby's snoring actually getting louder or did my ears grow superpower strength? I decline at prodding him, since I know I'm the one that pays no heed to alarm clocks these days while he's the one working 12-hr days. So I let hubby snore, while I type away.

I have several thoughts on my mind:

1. Resurrecting this blog: after a long absence, I'm gonna write here again. It's been a year plus three months since my last post. I stopped because I no longer had time and even less energy. Now I have both back. Also, I'm re-starting this blog with less pressure. Before, I admit, I had an inexplicable pressure to be positive and cheery in my posts, hah, just see the Blog title I came up with. I was beginning to feel like I was putting on a facade for readers who weren't there! Yeah, life is not sunny and puppy love all the time. The truth is, I have plenty of melancholy and it's okay. While I'm at it, screw spell check and correct grammar!! Celebrate life's imperfections and cloudy skies.

2. Oprah Winfrey: I decidedly like her a lot. I've been watching her shows as of late, a perk of my new found leisure time. Unfortunately, just as I've become a fan, she's doing her farewell season! She delves into issues of real substance on her show (unlike say Tyra) and not just the superficial. I love how she was an ugly duckling who transformed into a beautiful goose. She was a homely girl, abused and poor, and NOW, a mogul of worldwide fame. Most of all, I love her motto of "live your best life." What is that Socrates saying I first heard in High School? ---"The unexamined life is not worth living." But, Mark Twain rebuts, "The unexamined life may not be worth living, but the life too closely examined may not be lived at all." I want to live my life somewhere in the middle of those two quotes.

3. One in 4 girls are abused, 1 in 6 boys are abused: Just learned on Oprah today. It is things like these that feeds the melancholy in me. Do I need any more evidence that this world is in the crapper? When I have kids, I might never let them out of my sight. I'll have to do a "why this world sucks" list one day. I'm not someone that can easily shake off news like that. It stays with me, like dandruff that won't go away, reminders that this world is bad, bad, bad. Another example, the Nidal Hassan Fort Hood shotting 1 yr anniversary was today. What else? The war in Middle East, terrorists at large, both of which with no sign of stopping.

4. Bette Midler: I love her! Her music, I should clarify. I just recently found her, too. Also like with Oprah, I feel like I've missed the boat with Bette. Unfortunate for me, she's old, and unlikely to do another live concert or tour, but I'll just love her through iTunes. My favorite song at the moment is "From a Distance." The words alone move me. Unlike pop music, her music is great because of her voice, not the synthetic jumbo-mumbo that hide actual voices and call music these days. She's a singer in the truest sense, her voice and lyrics come through the music. Her voice IS the music, very human, simple and powerful. Sometimes, music is the only place where we can create ideals of love and life whereas the real world is so crappy, like I mentioned above. Yes, I'm a closet pessimist that indulge in the sappy, I mean beautiful. Yes, I like my movies sappy and happy, too --the world is crappy enough, the theme here tonight.

Signing off to catch some ZZZs, I hope.

Walk-Through

2009-08-18T17:42:00.000-07:00

We had our walk-through (a.k.a home orientation) today in our soon-to-be-first-house!! Our tourguide to our own house is a guy who calls himself Ant, short for Anthony. He gave us a crash course in how to take care of a house: learned that the new green air con system requires monthly filter change up in the attic (that'll be hubby's job), learned that the sprinklers must be pre-set according to season (it's got cool things like "drip irrigation" and "rain sensor"), learned that the foundation of a house in Texas must be watered religiously (yes, like every Sunday) or it can shrink up to 8 inches, learned that I shall not wear pointy heels on our hard wood floor because it exerts 1000lb of pressure in one small spot and will dent. . .also learned Good Housekeeping seal-worthy tidbits like lemon and ice cubes down the trash disposer is a good way to keep it clean. . . there's so much more (why didn't I take notes?!)

At the end of it all, Ant said "maintaining your home is a like a part-time job." Ha ha, I could've laughed and cried, I was thinking to myself, "but I don't want another part-time job, how many part-time jobs outside of full-time jobs can a person have?" But it's too late, it looks like we just about bought ourselves a house. And, I didn't even mention the whole lawn care business, our holly bushes, our Indian hawthornes, knockout roses, and four cute baby trees. . .they look innocent now but wait. . .

Here's an artist rendition of our house.

Dallas

2009-01-28T08:52:00.000-08:00

There's only 2 things to do in Dallas, eat and shop. . .that is why I'm fat and broke.

The Answer to All My Problems. . .

2009-01-13T14:45:00.000-08:00

. . .Ta Daaaa

An elliptical machine. . . yeah, okay, not ALL my problems but a fair amount of them, I hope!:) It's a Sole E55 2009 model. This ginourmous thing arrives in 1 to 2 weeks.

Boudoir

2008-11-19T23:30:00.001-08:00

I have many dreams for my house one day. One of which, as I declared to hubby tonight, is to have my very own "girly room." As it turns out, there's a name for it, the "boudoir." No, I'm not talking about a genre of photography but a type of room! Leave it to the French to know my thoughts and all things feminine! Per Merriam Webster, a "boudoir" is a a woman's dressing room, bedroom, or private sitting room. I envision my boudoir to be a place where my teddy bears can hang out in midst of my clothes, shoes and of course fabulously fun accessories. I want the walls to be some shade of pink and adorned with all things cute. It'll be a place for me to retreat and do my girly things. At first I thought it might just be an over-sized walk-in closet with a generous mirror, but I think I'll have a corner for gift wrapping, and maybe knitting or sewing, too if I ever take these hobbies up. Here are some pics for my future boudoir inspiration.

Dressing room of Carolina Herrera Jr.

The "Princess Room" of Xiaxue.

Girls' Trip

2008-11-18T23:42:00.000-08:00

Here's our very first Girls' Only Trip this year which took place in sunny California. That means, no husbands, boyfriends, babies/children, dogs or pagers. This was our first but I hope not last reunion.

Our "reunion" memorialized in sand, which was soon erased by the ocean wave.

At the Santa Cruz beach. As Laurel said, the ocean waves and vista make one contemplative.

I can't help but dream of living in California one day, but hubby never fails to remind me of the inconvenient threats that come with paradise: earthquakes, forest fires, and tsunamis.

Shadow picture, Shoreh's idea.

With Laurel at Firshermen's Wharf. That's an eyeball flower to the left of me!

The awesome foursome, R to L: Joyce, Shoreh, Laurel, and Linda. We've known each other for 16 years!! My oldest and bestest friends.

Obamamania

2008-11-07T20:01:00.000-08:00

"Rosa Parks sat so Martin Luther King Jr could march, Martin marched so Obama could run."

Hazards of Having a Dog

2008-11-06T18:39:00.000-08:00

In his short life, Hiro has already chewed up and thereby destroyed 5 pairs of our shoes. Something about me is that I love my shoes dearly. Luckily, the shoes that Hiro have preyed upon and killed have been ones I was only half-heartedly attached to, the ones I truly cherish are hidden in safe high spots. Here's my sequential thought process when I discover the useless carcass of a plaything that was once a shoe: 1. "Oh my gosh, I hope Hiro didn't swallow something bad and having internal bleeding." 2. "Oh well, I guess I'll just have to buy more shoes." 3. "Ohhhh, he's so cute, I have to forgive him."

However, it was different when Hiro broke a key off of my laptop! My precious laptop! Let's just say he was in one of his super-charged hopping mad episode (pun intended)... he jumped then landed hard on my laptop which he mistook for my lap since the said item was on my lap. The letter "K" flew off my keyboard like a mini UFO. Luckily, what's left of the key still works, and luckily, the letter "K" is not a often used key (never mind the fact that I just typed it 6 times!). Aggg, he's too cute, I forgive.

Anyone knows how to repair a broken key off of the keyboard?

Inspired to Clean

2008-11-03T18:54:00.000-08:00

This was a very uncharacteristic day in which I came home from work early at 10am due to a scheduling mishap. As if to continue the uncharacteristic theme, I spent the whole day cleaning our home! After getting rid of loads of junk mail and other paper rubbish, dusting off the TV and furnitures, wiping clean the microwave and kitchen counter, washing trash cans (yes, I washed them), organizing my desk and vanity corner, etc., I found myself still with work left and utterly exhausted but wholly satisfied.

If only my hard work will last. . .I'm soo hiring a maid one day when I have more money. Like I said, it's very uncharacteristic for me to get inspired for cleaning.

My Day Off

2008-10-24T15:45:00.001-07:00

The good thing about having weekdays off is that when you visit places like the park or store, it's not overcrowded. The downside is of course going to work on weekends, :( Here's our recent picnic and frolic at White Rock Lake. Yeah, we always go to the same spot.

"Too much sun in my face!"

Car ride home, "I'm pooped". . .

. . .Maybe not.

Once Upon A Wardrobe

2008-10-24T13:44:00.000-07:00

On a whim, I decided to create a new blog dedicated to my inner fashionista and shopoholic tendencies. So from here on out, I will post my wardrobe thrills/experiments at www.onceuponawardrobe.blogspot.com. Unfortunately, "Inside My Closet" as a blog name was taken already, so I came up with a new name.

Actually, I haven't been shopping in a while ( a month or so) since starting my CCU month, but I've got enough fodder in my closet to keep me experimenting for a while. Lovin' the fall weather!

Hiro the Ominvore

2008-10-16T11:13:00.000-07:00

I admit, I have been having fun feeding Hiro various non-dog foods. Not to mention that he seems to love it too. I just feel bad that his main sustenance consist of dried nibblets out of a paper bag. I mean, how natural of a diet is that for a dog? Over the summer, Hiro would devour watermelon with us everyday. Now that watermelon season is over, he's been crunching on apples and Asian pears every time I eat them. He also likes the occasional carrot, boiled eggs and cheese. In fact, he's got a sweet tooth so that makes most of the fruit family. He's not too much a vegetable guy but loves the really special occasion turkey leg bone and pork ankle bone. And our latest bon appetit adventure? Steamed acorn squash! I love it, too, so I'm going out to get some more.

Auto Theft

2008-10-15T10:41:00.000-07:00

There was another announcement from our condo listserver about an recent auto theft. I wonder if that was the night I was woken up by loud car alarm going off. My car was getting conspicuously dirty and had thought to ask Paul to get it washed it for me, but now maybe I won't and the dirtiness of my car will deter the auto theives. You think?

What does Luck have to do with it?

2008-10-07T19:09:00.000-07:00

It was one of those days that started so early that by the time it ended, the morning felt like it whole another a day ago. I was home at night before I remembered the jarring event that started my day. . .I was driving to work in the dark 'cause that's how it is at 5:30 AM in the morning, when I suddenly noticed a bicyclist literally just 20 feet ahead of my SUV! I quickly swerved to the other lane, so LUCKY that there was no car on the other lane, and even LUCKier because I didn't hit the bicyclist who had no reflective gear on him nor the bike! It was impossible to see him on a non-lit street. I wanted to yell out, "you idiot!", "do you want to die?!" but I quickly began thanking God for not allowing me to hurt someone and for bypassing (no pun intended) what could have been a tragedy. I had literally just missed hitting the man by a second! Yes, I felt lucky and grateful.

Now I'm thinking of an exchange of words that happened between my attending and a patient that same day. The conversation went like this,

Dr. B: You husband had a mini stroke and it has since resolved. It turns out he didn't have a full-blown stroke. He's a very lucky man.

Patient's wife: Luck has nothing to do with it, it's BLESSING, that's what it is, BLESSING.

The wife was so emphatic with her answer it reminds me of the mannerisms of a preacher teaching Sunday school or a politician rebutting his opponent.

LUCK and BLESSING?? What are their relationship, if any? Are luck and blessing the different sides of the same coin? Are they the same thing? Or some will say "there is no such thing as luck."

I wonder what will my patient's wife say to the spouses of the many many patients who have strokes and end up aphasic and paralyzed? Were those patients simply unblessed or damned? Was I blessed or just lucky to have avoided that accident on the road this morning? I certainly felt both lucky and blessed at the same time. Then how do I explain the poignant and tragic interview I saw on Oprah with a grandmother who accidentally ran over her young grandson while backing out of the driveway. Why? Why did I not hit the stupid man on his bike and the grandmother killed her beloved grandson? Does luck or blessing have anything to do with our similar but different scenarios?

The crutch of the problem for me is when one says "I am blessed by God because of such and such" that is to say others who are in opposite situations are NOT blessed by God. Does anyone have such power to make such a statement for God --whom He blesses and whom He doesn't? Yes, there are blessings in disguise which we find out later. But are "blessings in disguise" ever include untimely deaths of loved ones?

Anyways, just some of my thought. Good night.

the black blazer

2008-09-15T14:54:00.000-07:00

Cleanliness is Next to Godliness. . .

2008-09-07T13:32:00.000-07:00

. . .gosh, I need to be working on both. . .

. . .after residency.

Ambulatory Medicine

2008-08-30T13:15:00.001-07:00

This outfit is what I wore to my last day of work this past Friday, I had my white coat over it, of course. Except I wore a pair of wedge-heeled peep-toes instead of these strappy sandles which are not meant for long hours of wear, I learned from one painful experience. Normally I don't wear the likes of this outfit to work because it's too cutsey and more fitting for a garden tea party or something. Yes, why don't someone invite me to a tea party? I'll find a big straw hat to match!

August has been my amublatory medicine month. A non-medicine friend asked me if "ambulatory" had anything to do with ambulances? Actually no, I always thought ambulatory meant that patients are ambulatory or able to walk, so they are walking in and out of the clinic. In any rate, ambulatory medicine is the same as outpatient medicine, as opposed to inpatient medicine where patients for the most part have to stay inhouse and can't be walking in and out.

I have possibly re-discovered my calling, ambulatory/outpatient medicine. What a great month I've had. In a nutshell, 8-5 job, weekends off, no nights. Most people's jobs are like that, but to me, it was a nice respite, a breath of fresh air. For a month, I was not a slave to my pager, I didn't stay at work a mintue past 5pm, and my weekends were my very own. I also loved the pace of outpatient medicine, I felt comfortable, in my element and competent. Our resident clinic has a fantastic bunch. Blanca and Javier (MAs), thanks so much for being always ready to translate, Ada (MA) for making breakfast tacos on my last day, Kathy (head nurse), for being the glue that holds the clinic together, Sim and Bettina (nurse and MA) for catching my documentation mistakes. And of course my two attendings, Dr.H and Dr.M, whom I've learned a lot from, not just strictly about medicine but about mixing life and medicine.

September means goodbye weekends and hello wards (inpatient medicine). In our residency program, being an upper level on wards means working all the weekends, we take our days off during M-F only. I will be on call the very first day of the month. Being a resident on call means cross-covering for the ICU when the ICU team has gone home, supervising interns' work, doing admissions fromt ER, and heading the codes anywhere in the hospital. It's a bit nerve-wracking just typing about it. Then again, I was ever so nervous when I started off as an intern one year ago. Just as I finally got good at being a intern, the bar is raised. I never feel that I'm quite ready or tall enough to reach that bar but somehow it gets done.

The Good, the Bad, and the Misc. . .

2008-08-20T08:17:00.000-07:00

. . .not necessarily in that order.

Don't know if this outfit works at all. Do I look like someone out of Star Trek? This is an oversized "boyfriend" vest with tights and boots.

I found this white cropped jacket I like, but are these jackets still in fashion? I'm not sure but it's cute anyways. The white jacket is hard to match with stuff I already have. I like how the flared top looks with the jacket but the color of the top is just a tid-bit too dark for the bright white jacket. If the orange was a shade lighter, more pastel-like, it'd be perfect.

That same orange top with shorty shorts and my new white bag. I really like the white bag although the picture doesn't show its full details. I love white handbags as an accessory and it's actually not so hard to mix and match. I put together this outfit for the scorching hot Texas sun, but it shows just a little too much skin.

Another summer outfit, don't feel so exposed in this one 'cause the short is a bit longer and my shoulders are covered. I have since returned the big bright blue bag, I've decided the color is just going to be too hard to work with. Although it would look good with a plain black T-shirt now that I'm thinking about it. Oh well, I have enough bags as it is so unless I absolutely love it, I shouldn't keep it. Also, these shoes are called "kung fu" shoes, I just learned, funny huh?

Grown-up outfits

2008-08-19T13:51:00.000-07:00

There's a fear in me these days that I don't dress my age, meaning perhaps most of my outfits are too high-school-ish. Well, more on that later. But these outfits here I put together for work so I'd look professional and stylish, and definitely NOT juvenile.

I love the color and ruffles of this blouse. I will wear it with a pair of grey slacks, too.

I've decided white pants CAN go under a white coat. I really like this sheer top with a camisole unerneath.

There's these shoes that I love

2008-08-10T07:57:00.000-07:00

This pair of shoes caught my attention because it's unique and pretty. I've seen these shoes atleast on 3 different occasions in the stores but I said to myself, "silver shoes?! What am I going to do with silver shoes?" Well, it was not until this lasting shopping trip that I knew. And now it was on sale, too so I had to take it home with me.

Kitten heel slingback in silver by Arturo Chiang. I didn't know how he was, but now I know he's a shoe designer. Definitely will keep my eyes out for his stuff from now on. Here, those shoes are paired with my favorite yellow dress and a long string of pearls. Don't the shoes look dainty?

In it's full glory. Contrary to my prior beliefs, these silver shoes are actually very versatile and will go with a variety of outfits.

Two of the most good-looking things I have! What could be better! Hiro, the uber-cute maltipoo pup. "Good dog, don't chew mommy's shoes."

Olympics 2008

2008-08-08T20:08:00.000-07:00

The Olympics commenced in Beijing China today at 8:08pm on 8/8/08. I enjoyed writing that date all day long. Chinese auspicious number eight!

How to wear a red belt

2008-08-07T07:00:00.000-07:00

I bought this wide red pleather belt last year in the hope to match a black and white polka dotted dress. Well, the belt was too long and the excess material looked bad and I no longer have that black polka dot dress. I was resigned to thinking that this belt is one of those "bad purchases" that'll just retire in the abyss of my closet." BUT, I was looking through Kasmira's blog and she had a post about how to wear just such a excessively long pleather belt like mine!! All I had to do was to take the excess length and feed it through the buckle again in the opposite direction. The result is a uber-cute bow! This is ingenious, wish I was that creative. Take a look:

Red belt with old pieces from my closet. With a hint of 1920's chicness given a modern twist.

A red and white flowery dress. This was a $6 dollar dress because it was missing the orignal waist band/belt it came with but otherwise was in good condition. The dress was a little too big but the belt brings it in. The skirt part is really full and has a second layer. Not shabby for $6, the belt costed more!

Blue plaid dress. Another $6-ish dress. It was also missing it's orginal belt (I know b/c of the empty belt loops). I'm sure it was an older item that the store just couldn't sale, hence the big discount. But these are dresses that will never go out of style. I really like the length of this dress, not too short, not too long and plaid is always a fashion favorite.

Same dress with a grey cardigan and those silver Arturo Chiang shoes. Somewhat of a 60's look?
~

I do love a good deal but yes, it's rare to find such good fitting dresses for so less on the sales rack. I think they were considered damaged goods (belts missing and old items) but they were my treasures to be found. :)

Fashion Blogs.

2008-08-06T08:45:00.000-07:00

There are literally hundreds if not thousands of fashion bloggers out there. Some are devoted to a single fashion item, like denim or purses and other cover all-purpose fashion material. Many have become famous enough to have a strong and loyal fan base and that have garnered them money-making advertisements and free promotions. Pretty cool to be doing what you're passionate about and earning a few bucks. Here's a few that I visit frequently.

1. Ma Petit Chou
http://www.ma-petite-chou.com
The blogger is a Chinese Canadian and she posts all kinds of fashion from couture to everyday. She introduced me to Yesasia and Yesstyle, a Korean on-line shopping place. I don't shop on-line 'cause I have to try on and feel my clothes before I commit but I love Korean fashion so I visit Yesstyle to "window shop".

2. Frugal Fashionista
http://frugal-fashionista.blogspot.com
This site features a different celebrity outfit almost daily. Then it tells you how to copycat the same outfit for much less at affordable prices. This is where I ascertained the fact that skinny jeans are still "in" as evidenced by Nicole Richie and Lindsay Lohan. Okay, these two people are not worthy role models in terms of their personal lives, but they are the vanguard of trendy fashion, hands down.

3. Kasmira's What-I-Wore-Today
http://whatiwore2day.blogspot.com/
Kasmira is a prolific blogger who's been blogging her daily outfits since 2006. She is super creative and have a uncanny sense for colors. Her outfits are always bold in colors and she's not afraid to bend fashion boundaries. In fact, her favorite pair of shoes are yellow pumps! Her svelte figure makes her look good in about eveything she wears although her eyes at times look scarily large to me. I visit her site for insipiration and admiration.

Anthony Boudain

2008-08-02T16:07:00.000-07:00

I don't know why but I feel like writing about Anthony Boudain. He is a chef, a writer, and most notably the host of the show, "Anthony Boudain: No Reservations" on the Travel channel. He travels around the world, dipping his hands and tongue into some of the world's best and most exotic foods. This past week on the Travel channel, they were doing specials on China given the Olympics and all. Both hubby and I love Anthony Boudain's show because he's so entertaining, witty in his speech, and the food looks so delicious that I dream of going to the same places he's been.

Here's a couple of quotes by Anthony while in China:

"Given my relationship with livestock in this life, I might just come back as my favorite snack in the next life. . .the pig."
--While contemplating Tibetan religious beliefs in Lhasa.

"Even if you haven't had Chinese food, you've had Chinese food, whether it's in pasta or dumplings."
--While walking on Tiananmen Square in Beijing, China

A few more caveats about the show. A warning message about offensive material precedes every segment of his show. Yes, he's foul-mouthed but that's all bleeped out. I think they are talking about the actual food that's on the show. All I have to say is that no parts of any genitalias of any animals should ever be eaten, ever. Just my opinion. I consider myself an adventuous eater. I AM Chinese, afterall, so I love the intestines and pig ears and even chicken feet, but after watching the show I realize that unlike Mr. Boudain, I DO have some reservations about what I eat.

It's all in the gray

2008-08-02T07:25:00.000-07:00

What's the difference between "gray" and "grey"? I don't really know, but I do like the color.

Found this cute flowery summery yellow and grey dress. Look at the fringes! Interestingly, it is a size 16, hmm, must be a kiddie size. It fits super well. In kids' size, the shoulder straps are closer together and the chest area is higher up, both things I like. I also have a few camisoles in x-large kids' size from Target. Again they cover more of my chest area and are my essentials for layering. So, back to the topic, this dress is sooo cute in the grey calf-length leggings and the Arturo Chiang shoes. One of my favorite outfits recently by far.

Tokidoki brand clothing. Here's a model wearing a cute pink crewneck sweatshirt in size S from www.karmaloop. This is the first time I've heard of the brand but it features Japanese comic-con like characters.

Here's me wearing it in size M. I thought "cute, cute, cute" when I saw this shirt. But I was a bit hesitant to buy it, the pink is really a really bright baby/powdery pink (almost a "loud" pink, if that makes any sense). Also the style is very teen-ish, no? Call it urban streetwear, whatever. But I love it, especially with my new grey skinny jeans, pair #2.

I did return the purple halter top in exchange for this bluish one, I don't know exactly what color this is but I like it better, and it goes with the white jeans I have. Look at Hiro at the corner, hehee.

Yay or Nay?

2008-07-31T00:00:00.000-07:00

I love layering, color schemes, and putting together the old with the new.

Some cute finds today. A pair of cute red and white striped flats, a pair of Rocketdog shoes (casual but with heels!), and a sparkly yellow scarf.

A $3 dollor dress, no joke! Not sure if the shoes match, but I can atleast wear the dress as a comfy house dress.

Close-up of my new flats. I liked it immediately when I saw it but I don't yet know what to wear with it. I admire these Asian fashionistas who manage to put together an outfit with a rainbow of colors that somehow all fit. I don't have that talent, yet.

Not too imaginative of an outfit, but the shoes add a cutesy flair.

So, here's to my love affair with tights. A grey tunic dress with those grey Rocketdog shoes. Asian girls are so good about wearing everything with tights, I'm just catching on.

Same outfit with a dressy coat that I bought from Taiwan last year.

Brown bubble dress with brown tights and brown ballerina flats. Yeah, the color scheme is not really exciting. I like the dress despite that it's a little youngish and shape-less looking.

With a brown cardigan for layering.

Halter tops are great, stylish with a touch of formal but not too showy. This is one in eggplant color. I'm thinking about taking it back to exchange for a turquoise one since turquoise will match my white jeans. But perhaps I'll just get two since it's only $7 each.

I also like the back detail of the tied bow.

I had a shirt like this as a child, my mom called it "bat wing" shirt. And here's my new white jeans from Express.

Because yellow and black looks good with white.

What do you think of this long cardigan on this outfit, yay or nay? I finally get to do something with these jewlry.

Grey tops go really well with white jeans.

I love it when I pull out different pieces of clothing in my closet and start experimenting. What do you think of this result? Yay or nay?

A close-up. A flower necklace I bought on sale while back.

Perhaps it's an okay outfit. Hubby didn't like the boots, but I was like, "this outfit is all about the boots!"

Yay or nay? I say "nay", the top is a tad too short, it's suppose to be a shirt to wear with jeans.

"Frumpy" comes to mind, but even frumpy can be fashionable when done the right way. I don't know if this is more frump or more fashion, but either way, I know it's a quite comfortable outfit so perhaps it doesn't matter.

With my warm boots if the weather drops a few more degrees. I'm looking forward to cozy fall weather already.

And this concludes another look "Inside My Closet.":)

Down with Step 3

2008-07-29T00:00:00.000-07:00

I'm done, I'm done! Finally, took Step 3 today, a beast of a test that's 400 questions and 8 hours long. Now, there's that dreaded waiting period of "did I pass??!"

Dog as accessory? It's all the rage in Hollywood, just google Paris Hilton, Ashley Tisdale, Rihanna, Blake Lively and on and on. As for Hiro, he's too big, he's no micro mini maltese or teacup poodle, he won't fit into the palm of my hand or handbang. But he's a full 10-pounder piece of lovey-dovey!

Eye Candy

2008-07-28T17:58:00.000-07:00

So, what makes you feel like a kid in a candy store?? Here are my inciting things:

A Louis Vuitton monogram handbag in white muticolor. I don't know this bag's specific name (maybe a Speedy 25 or 30?) but I love the splash of colors on the white canvas, like an artwork. Practically, I wouldn't know how to match it with an outfit, the bag would defnitely have to be the focus while your clothes take a subdued background role. Well, I'm not getting this bag as it would take my whole month salary to pay for it, so luckily, I don't have to worry about what to wear with it!

If a handbag ever took my breath away when I first saw it, this one did! It's a LV Damier Azur Berkeley at around $1,500. I think it's just beautiful. . . the bag, not the price.

The LV Monogram Neverfull. Not sure what size it is, as it comes in 3 sizes. "Neverfull" is a really apt name. This bag purportedly holds upwards of 200 lbs, yeah, my back would break first before this bag does! Sturdy and stylish. Isn't it lovely with the white roses?

Mixin' and Matchin'

2008-07-25T00:01:00.000-07:00

Do you ever look in your closest and say to yourself, "I have nothing to wear!" It must be an universal experience for girls. Well, I've decided I'm going to prove myself wrong next time I feel that way. . .with photo documentation of outfits mixed and matched right out of my closet! Also, this helps me remember what top goes with what bottoms, which I can easily forget and so I end up wearing just two outfits the whole summer. Or sometimes, I end up wearing something outside only to realize later the outfit totally didn't work, then it's just regrets, regrets, which is very unfashionable. I dream of one day having a huge walk-in-closet and on the wall, a cork board full of Polaroid shots of different outfits, then it'd be no more, "I have nothing to wear!" Yep, that's how a fashionista roll, or rather just how a scatter-brained girl stay organized. And lastly, maybe this photo-documentation of my outfits will deter my next shopping binge. . .umm, nahh.

The mini skirt outfit. With my fave black tee this season, seriously, it looks good with every jean/shorts! I like these sandles, too. The mini skirt is not suitable for the conservative crowd, though.

I had to have a pair of white pants, don't you love the look of black stilettos with pants? The white purse is a no-go, a sleek black purse would look better.

Ah ha! A place for my white handbag. Super fun and funky top, is it called a muffin top? --I like how the stretchy waistband hides my tummy. W/ white pants and gold/silver strappy sandles.

Here's my super versatile black tee with my skinny jeans and those cute gladiator-ish sandles. Here's the secret: the cinched bottom of the shirt hides my tummy! Hubby doesn't like the sandles but think the rest of the outfit is simple and stylish, which is more to his taste than the more "adventuous" and colorful otufits here.

I'm trying to incorporate more scarves into my outfits. I was inspired by the Californians I saw on our recent trip, then again, the San Francisco weather lends well to scarves. Also, I want to wear more of these boots, just didn't know how until now.

More laid back Texan style: Something I can just throw on and go.

A casual cool outfit with my other skinny jeans. The outfit would be perfect if only my heather grey cardigan sweater is a little longer. Also, you can't tell how much I'm holding in my tummy in the pic, but I am, gotta lose the bulge before I can wear this Mickey Mouse tee.

Finding new ways to use my new red handbag, which is becoming so versatile, I love it. Also, I dug out this barely worn top and red shoes from my closet.

Another fave summer 2008 outfit b/c it's another throw-on-and-go outfit that's more formal than most. I wore this recently, out to lunch with Paul's school friend and his new wife.

Wore this outfit to San Fran, just wanna document it here so I don't forget it. I'm still very much smitten by the whole footless-tights-wore-under-a-dress phenomenon, but I can't find cute dresses to go with the tights. Only if there were more Asian styles here in Texas.

Another outfit with a scarf. I think the colors match rather nicely, but I could be wrong. Hubby again, does not like the scarf thing but I wore this to the library recently and the scarf saved my cold shoulders from the blasting AC (while it was 103 degrees outside, mind you.) Californians could soo wear this outside. My BFF Shoreh knows what I'm talking about!

I'm Proud of my Country

2008-07-19T09:11:00.000-07:00

I have been having a taste of being a resident this past week. I thought I'd be horrible at giving orders, supervising interns, etc. It's only been what, weeks, since I was the one that had a upper level to fall back on. Suddenly, I'm that fall-back person.

Luckily, my intern is really nice and receptive. He's from India and actually have finished his orthopedics surgery residency there before coming to the states. He's the wide-eyed intern that most people are when they start. He kept saying how nice all the attendings are here and how much he likes this residency program. He has these horrible stories of residency back in India where residents are too scared to even talk to their attendings.

I'm reminded of Michelle Obama's words in a speech recently, "for the first time in my adult life, I'm proud of my country." Her comment makes me go "ummmm," in a bad way. For her to say that is rather ignorant, not to mention unfitting for a presidential candidate's wife. There are people who would leave their home country AND go through grueling residency training all over again just to be in this country. I didn't even have to ask why my intern wants to be an intern again even though he's already a fully licensed doctor in India. I know the answer, a better life. There are so many foreign medical grads that do this every year. It's what my Dad did for me when he left China in the 1980's. Wealth, democracy, equity, human rights. . .no, these things are not perfect in America, but it shouldn't have to take a foreigner to appreciate the privilege of being an American.

So, for Michelle Obama to say that she's never been proud of America until now, well, obviously, she's never been to India, China, or Mexico.

Cool biking pics

2008-07-11T00:38:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Sameer, I downloaded these from his Facebook site.

Now the chronicle of our SF trip is complete.

The Best of San Fran

2008-07-10T18:41:00.000-07:00

Take a short picture tour of San Francisco with me. For more pics, check out my Facebook site. Darn blogger limits my picture memory!

We stayed with David, my BIL, at the Pacific Heights neighborhood in San Francisco. It was within walking distance to almost everything: the Fisherman's Wharf, the beach, and Golden Gate Bridge. Look at that view! The highest incline of any street was up to 31 degrees.

The Golden Gate Bridge in the fog as seen on our ferry tour.

It was so chilly and windy on the ferry, but had beautiful views of the bay city, Alcatraz island, and the Golden Gate Bridge.

The Crookedest St, seriously, that's its name and what it is. See how winding the street is behind us? There's a 5 mph limit. A flower-filled and picturesque place, the Crookedest St is the last part of Lombard St. in the Pacific Heights neighborhood.

Beautiful flowers abound in San Fran.

With my best friend, Shoreh, who just recently migrated from the east coast and is already calling Cali her home. It was so awesome seeing her! We spent the Fourth on the Pier and took a ferry to Sausalito, a city across the bay north of SF.

Another view of the GGB.

Bike the Bridge. Here's David with his roommate, Sameer. On Saturday, the four of us rented bikes and rode along the Pacific ocean, all the way across the GG Bridge, and into Sausalito. We had well-deserved ice cream cones in Sausalito before heading back to SF on a ferry with our bikes. It was a really fun day and awesome way to experience SF.

Stopping for a pic. . . and for me to catch my breath. Biking with 3 guys was hard, being an out-of-shape wimp didn't help either, but I made it!

View of Chinatown at sunset. We had two meals here, different days but same restaurant. It was very good but not anything that Dallas couldn't offer. Some restaurants looked very sketchy to me as in I wouldn't eat there in a million years.

Another day with BFF, Shoreh. Here we are on Sunday at the Fillmore St. Jazz festival where good food is to be had, and one can stroll around with wine or sangria in hand admiring the expensive crafts and brave souls singing karaoke.

Paul and I at the Fillmore St. Jazz Festival.

Food at the festival. Check out the size of those baked oysters! So yummy that I wish I had more.

Caricatures with Shoreh at Fisherman's Wharf. Such a tourist trap, but I don't care!

At the beach at Crissy Fields.

I love the beach, even the unswimmable, chilly beach of San Fran.

Our last meal in San Fran, oysters and clams at the Hog Island Oyster Company.

Oysters on the half shell at the Hog Island Oyster Bar. The best place for fresh oysters in SF. It was uber fresh and full of yumminess. I was never a raw oyster person, but that won my over.

San Francisco was simply wonderful. I am ever so grateful that David is there this summer and had such a awesomely located apartment and cool roommate (Sameer) to boot. We took over David's room and I can only hope the couch didn't do much damage to David's back. I thank Sameer for being so friendly and for letting Paul play with his PS3 every night. Apparently "Call of Duty" is a very addictive game for the guys. It made hubby's vacation that much better.

There are tons of things to do. Of all the touristy things to do, we didn't get to ride the cable cars. The one chance we had, the cable car was full! I would have also loved to take a tour of Alcatraz island, bike to Tiburon, visit Napa Valley, and I can always spend more time at the beach.

It really does take planning to have a good vacation. And I took pains to plan our itinerary and get to know the city beforehand. But no matter how hard one plans, it's always wise to leave a little room for chance. As for my big plans to see the fireworks at the Pier. Well, it didn't pan out. The night got so very cold, so we went home and had take-out Thai food instead, not very patriotic. It turns out the fog was so heavy, even people at the Pier didn't get to see the fireworks. I also wanted to see the adorable sealions at Pier 39, but unknownst to me, they had migrated elsewhere this time of year. Then there are good things that come unplanned, serendipities! While at Sausalito with Shoreh, it was Farmers' Market day so we got to buy the freshest berries and peaches. It was so good!

So, food is definitely a big highlight of of trip. Our first meal was at a hibachi grill place in Japantown, the restaurant (I don't remember the name) turned out to be owned by Rocky Aoki, father of model Devon Aoki. Don't ask me how I know these people, just the random facts I know! The next day, we ate at Scoma's, a nice sit-down dinner at the Wharf where we had large bowl of clams and seafood sautee with prawns, crabs, lobsters, scallops. The dish looked just as beautiful as it tasted, no pic that day 'cause I know hubby would be embarrased if I took a pic then. Then there was the fresh crabs bought from street vendors, clam chowder in a sourdough bread bowl at Boudin's Bakery, dim sum at Chinatown, and oysters at the Hog Island Oyster Bar.

While we were gone, Hiro boarded at Petite Pooch Chateau. If only dogs could talk, but I assume he had a good stay there. The lady there told me Hiro had a "big personality." Now I wonder if that was her euphemism for "naughty" which is perfectly inline with Hiro's personality. Since I've been touting other commercial venues in this post, I will recommend Petite Pooch to anyone in the Dallas area looking for dog boarding places. This was a first for me and I had no idea where to pick, so I actually visited a few places as well as read online reviews. I liked Petite Pooch because it was clean, had a grassy yard, and only accepted dogs <30lbs.

Lastly, I have to say both Paul and I fell in love with the San Fran weather. We would move there in a heartbeat if it weren't for the outrageous housing prices and oh yeah, the little situation of employment. Coming back, the Dallas heat hit me hard, like hubby said today, Dallas "is next to hell." But home sweet home it still is!

Hiro Turns One

2008-06-27T22:16:00.000-07:00

Different looks of Hiro, chronologically.

Puppy wonder. He was darker colored then.

So small, so cute back then, but sure don't miss the house-training days.

Hiro had "battle signs" (tear stains) underneath the eyes but it disappeared with time.

Getting hairy.

So fuzzy with long floppy ears, like half lamb, half bunny.

After his first grooming at Petco's. Still had those long floppy ears.

Let's never get this haircut again. (2nd grooming at Petsmart's.)

Hiro today. Finally his hair is growing back. Can't wait for those ears to grow again.

Sabotaging my studies by napping on my book.

Hiro turns one today. Hooray!

I Couldn't Resist. . .(PART II)

2008-06-26T12:42:00.000-07:00

nice work dresses. . .

Love this dress: with smart shirt collar, geometric figures in a no non-sense neutral brown/beige color.

Paired with my white coat. So this is what I wear on days I'm not in scrubs or pants.

I Couldn't Resist. . .

2008-06-25T22:25:00.000-07:00

. . .pretty dresses. I simply love dresses, so feminine, cute, comfy and easy. No need to match a top or bottom, just slip on and go. Not all dresses are flattering on all body types, of course, but when I find one that fits me well and looks pretty, I just can't resist. I've been wearing more and more dresses to work these days since it's summer time, most goes well under my white coat. Paired with peep-toe heels, I feel womanly and professional.

Okay, this is NOT a work dress, it's so whimsical. I love the wide red band that ties into a bow at the back.

Paired with a cardigan --because I'm not/rarely a spaghetti-straps-in-public type of person.

A SAK satchel. I have a penchant for red accessories these days, red sandles, red shoes, red satchels.

A GUESS handbag. I'm now a hoarder/collector of handbags, whichever way you choose to look at it!

Said Bye Bye to my Wisdom Teeth

2008-06-21T10:01:00.000-07:00

In case one wonders if I'm watching a tad too much TV, I am. But atleast I've got an excuse of sort. So no, I haven't abandoned my vocation for the TV junkie lifestyle.

I had my wisdom teeth, 3 total, pulled out yesterday. I've been dreading it for years, literally, but finally took the plunge. I could curse myself for not having done so in my college days, but agg, I live and learn. So after fearing nerve damage, dry sockets, pain and swelling, I'm amazingly symptom-free on the post-operative day #1. It's almost a letdown really. I witness a lot of pain in the hospital everyday, it's inevitable, of course. To combat it, we use Tylenol, Motrin, etc for mild pain, for moderate pain, Norco/Lortab come into play and for severe pain, the big guns are Morphine, Dilaudid, etc. In my relatively limited life, I've needed no more than Aleve for my occasional cramps. But yesterday, the oral surgeon gave me Lortab to take for my dental ordeal. Lortab! Good stuff, as some people would say. However, I've had no pain, zilch, nada. I have had just the tiniest bit of bleeding after the surgery, nothing to write home about. The worst part was the numbness in my lower lip and chin afterwards. I was worried it would never go away and I would have permanent mandibular nerve damage, but I woke up this AM happyily unaware of any numbness and heaviness of my lower lip. I was also relieved to not have to page the oral surgeon on a Saturday had my numbness persisted; he did look into my eyes and told me he was on-call 24-7 and that I was to page him with any problems. The second worst part of the whole thing was the pre-surgery fasting. My surgery was at 3:30pm on a Friday afternoon which meant I didn't eat or drink a thing since the last PM. I guess I had enough fat stored for my body to use as alternative fuel as I didn't faint or go into hypoglycemic shock. I've eaten some flan, pudding, and steamed eggs so far. I would like some mashed ptotatoes and split-pea-type soup today.

So back to the TV thing, I was told the Lortab might make me drowsy and dizzy, I was to take it easy and watch some TV. So that I did. Cable and TiVo are wonderful things, I've decided. I still remember actually clearly seeing the Adiddas logo on Carrie Hefernen's pants when I watched "King of Queens" on our big screen for the first time. Our last TV was a second-hand TV that Paul bought 15 years ago!

No more Lortab for me, 'cause I clearly don't need it, and only a drug addict would take pain meds that one doesn't need and I really don't care much for drug addicts. There are too many in my life as is via the ER. So back to the books, I'm studying for Step III for next month. Yikes!!

Zen Master Ceasar Millan for the Dogs

2008-06-20T09:16:00.000-07:00

This guy is my new hero.

We recently got cable for our new big screen TV. Hubby has been TiVoing my would-be new favorite TV shows. Yes, he knows what I like. Two words: Animal Planet!! Victoria Stillwell is a British dog trainer who goes to people's homes and train little spoiled yappers into obedient lapdogs. Her show is aptly called, "It's Me or the Dog." I love her British governess ways and smart training techniques for really bratty dogs.

But what Victoria of Animal Planet does is almost comedic compared to what Ceasar Millan can do. He is the self-proclaimed "Dog Whisperer," which is also the name of his show on the National Geographic channel. This Mexican native has no formal training but had a love for and profound connection with dogs since his childhood. He illegally crossed the Mexican-US border in his 20's, lived on the streets of San Diego for a month before finding a job as a dog groomer. The rest is history, as they say. Today, he owns the Dog Psychology Center in Los Angeles and is the host of a #1 show. His specialty is rehabilitating some of the most violent and troubled dogs from shelters and abused situations. For example, he's worked with pitbulls from dog fight rings and displaced dogs from Katrina. In some instances, he will bring an unsociable dog to his psychology center where a pack of successfully rehabilitated dogs live and let the "power of the pack" do the work. It's amazing watching him handle dogs. Ceasar Millan's techniques are not without controversy, but whatever, I love the show. He's fond of saying "I rehabilitate dogs and train people." It should be no surprise that many dogs are violent, unsociable because of their human counterparts. As one dog lover once told me, "there are no bad dogs, only bad human owners." I believe that, like many other things wrong with our world, humans are usually at the root of the problem.

I'm so grateful for Hiro who has none of the troublesome characteristics of the dogs on the shows. He is just an amazingly happy and lovable little dog without an ounce of aggression or dominance. Sometimes we go on walks and will come cross a dog that wants to jump out of his leash barking at Hiro half a mile way, but all Hiro wants to do is go up and give a nose kiss with a wagging tail. I don't understand why some dogs are one way while others are not. Perhaps we just got lucky with Hiro. Perhaps some of my early rudimentary training to exert myself as pack leader during his puppyhood worked. But Hiro is not perfect, and watching the animal training shows have motivated me to do more training with Hiro. For example, he gets way too excited when visitors come, jumping up and down, and he's not a perfect leash walker, liking to pull on the leash for the amusement of his nose.

I Love Pandas

2008-06-13T19:38:00.000-07:00

Who ever thought watching a Blockbuster movie would bring me so much pleasure. . .I guess it's been a while since I watched a movie, not that I deny myself much because I'm not nearly the deprived-hardworking-feel-sorry-for-me person I oughta be. Just today, I spend hours googling pandas and watching Youtube videos of these other-worldly creatures. I decided I must trek to Chengdu one day and hug a panda. For a small fee ($150 for 5 min), I can touch and hold a panda! Thank goodness the open-minded Chinese havent' sided with the oh-too-sensitive Australians who recently decided that koala bears can no longer receive hugs from their human admirerers due to excessive psychological stress to the cuddly bears. Yes, one day, I shall hug a baby panda. . .okay, I digress.

I enjoy the whole ritual of a home DVD rental, putting on jammies ('cause you can wear that at a BB's), driving to the neighborhood Blockbuster with the dog in toll, browsing through aisles of filmography until one strikes my fancy, brining it home like a little prize, popping it in, then curl up, relax, anticipate and enjoy.

Yes, it's the little (DVD) and giant (panda) things in life that make it worthwhile.

Finally, a Post

2008-06-11T20:23:00.000-07:00

The iconic Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco.

OMG, has it been forever???! Since I blogged here, that is. I'm so excited to say that we are going to San Francisco in 2 weeks!!!! I've been dreaming of a vacation for sooooo long that hubby got tired of hearing me talking about it. My dream place is the beach, ideally Hawaii, then I decided I'd settle for Mexico. Cancun or Puerto Vallarta. Well, between the more-active-than-usual-hurricane-season, the travel alert of American kidnappings by Mexican drug lords, and finally the rise in airfare, I had to give up my dream. But, we are going to San Fransico, given the fact that David my brother-in-law will be there. He's summer-interning for Google.

No doubt I will have my dream beach vacation one day. Ohhh, I could almost feel the warm sand between my toes, the cold pina in my hand. . .oh well, maybe it's better that my rolly-polly self isn't on the Mexican beach since I could be caught in a hurricane or kidnapped by a mustached drug lord, right? No tankini and drinks on the beach but. . . I'll be watching fireworks over Pier 39 on the Fourth of July AND seeing my best bud, Shoreh at Stanford.

Speaking of my rolly-polly self, I've been wearning scrubs for so long, I've forgotten what it's like to wear regular pants. I might never want to give up the pajammy comfy-ness of scrub pants for my jeans, not that I'm sure I can fit into jeans anymore.

Yes, I just got off a month in the CCU (Critical Care Unit). It was great and horrible all at the same time. The exharilation of adrenaline rushing through my veins as epinephrine is running the veins of a cardiac arrested patient during a code blue. The almost intolerable early wee hours as I curse my life in the mornings only to be set straight by the loss of lives on sick beds. The tears of family members that never fail to bring a crack to my voice as I talk to them about withdrawing of life support. Making sense of the latest and coolest in hemodynamic monitoring, calling the shots in a cold blue situation, being stumped by triple acid-base disorders. That's my CCU month in a nutshell. Never a dull moment. But sometimes, I like the dull, I might even be a dull person by some standards, I like the quiet nothingness, no beepers going off, no ventilators alerting an alarm. . .

Now I'm on to ER rotation, much more laid back, believe it or not, but I'm still wearing scrubs.

Shoes and Coffee

2008-04-21T22:14:00.000-07:00

There are days that just start out bad for no reason at all. I woke up in the morning with absolutely no energy and no motivation to go to work. In fact, the only things that got me going were my new shoes and Starbucks coffee. Thank goodness for cute shoes and flavored coffee!

They are patent grey pumps. Got several compliments that day.

Would you believe they're super comfy, too?--thanks to the roomy front for all my toes.

B-day for 'Beautiful day'

2008-04-17T18:37:00.000-07:00

So, got some lovely flowers from hubby on my birthday (roses and irises) but here are some other flowers that caught my attention:

The Poppy flower, the mother of opium and morphine.

Foxglove, or digitalis. Anyone's got a sick heart?

Best friends (born 2 days apart) since over half of our lives ago.

Thanks, Laurel, for visiting and taking me out to the Dallas Arboretum for our birthdays! I had a great time with you and the boys.

Hiro's New 'do

2008-04-15T18:24:00.000-07:00

Obedience.

Don't worry, it'll grow back. . .

No Title

2008-04-08T18:30:00.001-07:00

I realize I love waking up seeing my husband slumbering next me. . .even though I think he takes up more than his share of the bed and I’m pretty sure my REM sleep is decreased because of him.

This Dog of Mine

2008-04-06T18:55:00.000-07:00

Can I have too many peep-toe pumps? I don't know. . .then Hiro chewed up my receipt for some of the shoes. Guess I won't be returning them. A girl can't have too many shoes, right?

Where Was my Head?

2008-03-17T18:09:00.000-07:00

This morning I went to work having left my pager at home. I did, however, remember to take along my lip gloss that matched my blush and outfit. Where was my head? I felt so terrible and irresponsible all day, missing pages from my resident and the nurses. It’s worse than leaving your driver’s license at home which I’m guilty from time to time. Well, I don’t plan to go anywhere without that pager again, it’s as good as glued to my hip.

St. Patty's Saturday

2008-03-16T19:33:00.000-07:00

I had this Saturday off from work. I woke up to a to-do list of running errands and household chores. Such a beautiful day, I just couldn't bring myself to go to Target and buy Drano for our clogged drain and other such things. I digress but did you know there are different Dranos for standing clogs (water won't go down) vs. slow drains (water drains too slowly)? Anyways, I balked at my list of to-dos. Here's what hubby and I did instead on Saturday:

Hiro, off-leash. Bet you can't outrun him.

At the dog park, Hiro met many new friends.

Dogs take no time to get to know each other.

Run like the wind, free as the birds.

Our picnic by White Rock Lake. I wore Green for St.Patty's Day.

It was a enjoyable day.

The Devil Wears Prada

2008-03-07T15:37:00.000-08:00

Ever since the death of my last phone by roadkill, I've been asking hubby to look for a new phone for me. He's the one with the tech savvy, afterall. He did the research and picked one out but kept it a secret until it arrived. Imagine my surprise when I saw it's a LG Prada phone! "It's high fashion, " said hubby. It's not what I expected, I was thinking along the line of a Motorola Razr, but apparently "that's so yesterday." The Prada phone is almost too cool for me but it is black and sleek and I like it! It has a touch screen! And too many gadgets that I'll have to learn to use later like camera, videocam, MP3 player, radio, Bluetooth, etc. The Devil wears Prada and now I do, too. Heehe.

Thoughts on a Rainy Afternoon

2008-02-16T12:07:00.000-08:00

It's a rare rainy weekend in Texas. Unfortuately, it happens on my rare weekend off. Now, I'm inclined to just stay inside and won't be walking the dog, to my chagrin.

My Dad called me on Valentine's Day to say, "happy Valentine's day." He's never done that before! I proceeded to tell him Valentine's Day is no big deal and I'm working anyways, but he said yes it was and I shouldn't let work encroach on having a life. I suppose he's gotten sentimental with age. I was on call that day in the hospital and Paul texted me "happy Valentine's," which I thought was sweet of him. There were chocolates, cookie and cakes every where in the hospital and I gorged plenty on Valentine goodness.

If Feb 14th passed without much fanfare this year, then Chinese New Year did with even less. It's the Year of the Rat!! Again, my parents were aghast at the fact that hubby and I had no celebration plans nor holiday spirit. Holiday traditions are super important to my parents from the Christmas tree every year to the right auspicious food to eat on Chinese New Year's. One day I shall be like that, too, but at this point in my life, it just can't be done.

Certain patients leave an indelible mark on me and I continue to think about them way after my need to. It was this way with this patient of mine that was discharged yesterday. I woke up this morning wondering how she is faring in her new nursing home. In her demented state, she's become like a child, a very cantankerous one, outright indecent, and sometimes bordering on being violent. From knowing her in the past several days, I know she needs just the right type of cajoling and coaxing for her to be properly cared for. I hope it is the way with her at the nursing home. In the process of caring for her in the hospital, I've gotten to know her, her unsavory past, her undesirable present, the bridges she's burned with her family and friends, and her utter lack of insight into her situation. She yelled unprovoked expletives at me and I pitied her even more with a deeper drive to help her which is perhaps only a small bandage to her gaping wound.

On my day off, the going-ons of the hospital is last thing I want on my mind, but sometimes I encounter people who's journey and paths are so drastically different from those of my own life that I can't stop thinking about them. I suppose it makes me extra grateful for my own given life. I realize I'm remarkably normal and functional. This leads to think about the issue of mental health and how disorders like schizophrenia and bipolor wreck havoc on people's wellbeing and their capacity for a meaningful life. I could never be a psychiatrist and be in the middle of these people's broken situations and more often than not, there are no good answers to why or how to "fix" them. My patient is who she is today because of the series of poor decisions she made due to her mental health and its left her in the decrepit state she is in now. Truly, who's to blame, who's responsible? As healthcare workers, we can only do so much. I think about the recent college shooting in North Illinois and the predicable relationship to the mental health of the shooter, or the Virginia Tech shooter and his disturbed mind. I think the nation as a whole is at a lost for answers for how to prevent another tragedy such as these. Is it more gun control? Is it more aggressive or mandatory treatment of people with mental health disorders? Or should we take the lassie fair attitude of one commentator, "we can't change the weather, we can only change our sail."

Medicine and Religion

2008-02-15T14:41:00.000-08:00

Should Doctors Pray for their Patients?

I haven’t read much on this topic to know the consensus agreement or the schools of thought on this out there, but this issue was brought up to me recently and I have some thoughts on it.

Someone at Bible Study wanted to know if I prayed for my patients? I said no, it is not my habit to do so. He proceeded to say something along the line of “well, you can only act in accordance with your conscience. . . without our conscience, then we have nothing.” I didn’t answer him back but just nodded, but now I am a wee bit incensed. Here’s my response to this.

While I don’t pray for my patients in the strict sense, I do have compassion and think about my patients often, many times long after I’ve come home and it is not just because my beeper from the hospital goes off. So to the best of my “conscience,” I feel like this is the right thing to do, praying or not. I am still at the beginning of my medical training, while having compassion for my patients come naturally to me, having a comprehensive arsenal of medical knowledge and know-how doesn’t and it is that latter tool I seek to sharpen everyday. I don’t doubt prayers for patients are important but I don’t believe it is my role as a doctor. There are chaplains for every religion and denomination in the hospital, there are community resources just for the spiritual needs of the sick. And of course there are family members and friends. If it was me on the other side of the sick bed, I would ask and expect all my friends to pray for my loved one. But as a doctor, what I do pray about regularly is that I don’t hurt people under my care and that God would give me the strength to do what I need to do to become the doctor the patients need. So, no I don’t pray for my patients directly. I believe what they need from me is competent medical practice and advice. Prayers help people but they don’t always treat or cure diseases, medicine and surgery do. If prayers had the track records that cardiac catherization has on heart attacks or surgery has on an infected gallbladder, then medical professionals would be taught on the mechanisms and practice of praying along with pharmacology and pathology. The fact remains, God chooses to answer very few of the human prayers for delivering people from illness. That is simply not His way. Our limited human-ness can’t understand why but that is just the way it is. What praying lacks, medicine picks up with drugs and technology. No, medical science does not cure spiritual ills, but then again it wasn’t meant to do that nor was I trained to so. I’m glad there are special gifted people who become chaplains or prayer warriors that tend to patients' spiritual needs which arguably is on par with a person’s physical needs.

Unlike my friend at Bible study, I don’t look at everyone I meet or every situation I encounter through spiritually-colored lenses. Perhaps I should, perhaps this is a mark of my spiritual immaturity, but nevertheless, it is my station in life now. Perhaps one day I will reach new heights spiritually and have a completely different view but right now I’m just not there yet.

This same said friend expressed his concern that I was becoming a back-sliding Christian and wanted to know if hubby and I could meet an extra day on a weekday with them (since I can make it on weekends only seldomly), to help me back on track, so to speak. In his usual subtle-ness, he basically said we are all busy people and if we are truly dedicated, then time wouldn’t be an excuse. Yes, I agree we are all busy, I don’t degrade their busy-ness beneath me but I also know myself and what I’m able to do and not do. I agree I don’t always use my time wisely, definitely too much time Googling such non-sense as lop-sided bunnies and watching Cashmere Mafia on-line. However, it is my winding down time and I probably won’t become disciplined enough to change. I whole-hearted am grateful for their concern for my spiritual health. They are wonderful friends to count on and to have. However, I can’t imagine adding on another regularly scheduled activity onto my plate since I’m not evening doing well with the ones already on it! What I’d love is for them to pray for me and of course their understanding for the fact that this is a demanding and exciting time in my life.

You know what else I really need? A maid!! Seriously, I’m looking for one and in the process of deciding whether we can afford one or not.

To be honest, I am most concerned these days with becoming a competent physician, most other things have taken a back burner in life. Such is the season in my life, and like other seasons, it’ll come to pass. I still know too little to be where I need to be one day but I know enough to know medical errors happen and can hurt or kill patients and I never want that to happen to me. One of the many cited drawbacks of medicine by physician themselves is the tremendous liability that we have on my minds and backs. Medical errors kill thousands of patients every year. For me, the issue can’t be overemphasized or overstated. Even as a lowly intern, because I have the power to prescribe, the treatment or medications I order or didn’t order can have detrimental effects on people. We are all human and human errors happen but I hope to never become too jaded or too careless to make such a fatal mistake.

That’s my rant.

Doggone Days

2008-02-03T20:11:00.000-08:00

Here's our Sunday excursion to the nearby walking/jogging trail that I discovered yesterday.

Hiro meet the duckies. They are bigger than you!

Hmm, Hiro not as interested in duckies as hubby.

We walked for over a hour.. . and there were still energy left in the little guy!

Hiro, the maltipoo at 7 months old.

Today was also Superbowel Sunday. I was not very invested in it, but go New York Giants!!

One with Many Labels

2008-02-02T13:46:00.000-08:00

My first fake nails!

I got my nails done last weekend. The picture is not an actual picture of my real nails as I'm too lazy to get the camera and take a pic, but my nails look just like that. I was convinced I wanted the new gel overlay french manicure but the Vietnamese lady convinced me acrylic tips would be stronger and longer lasting. The truth is, not many people are experienced enough to do gel overlays which takes longer and costs more. After a week, I'm happy to say my nails still look like they were just done, not even a scratch! They really stand up to any activity you put your nails through. Acrylics rule!! It's nice because because only the very tip of every nail is glued on, the rest of the nails are my own, albeit reinforced with a a very strong yet clear layer of acrylic mixture. Ingenious! I love how my nails look so feminine and clean! So, they should last about 3 weeks until new nails grow out after which I have to spend oodles of money again and get them re-filled.

January is gone for good. It's been a good month in the sense I was on Pulmonary and had my weekends off, but the bad side is my days were 12-13 hour days. I rarely saw the sun since I left home in the darkness of dawn and returned to an already darkened sky. Not a schedule I liked at all, but it's over for now. I'm back on wards, yes, I'll have to spend some nights in the hospital but atleast the other days I get to come home at a decent hour.

But boy did I make up for lack of sun today! It was a beautifully sunny day and I took Hiro out for a much needed walk. No amount of begging could deter hubby's resolve to study for his exam on Monday (can you believe it?), so I went out alone with Hiro. I discovered a great walking/jogging trail nestled in a nearby apartment property! How happy I was to get away from the hustle and noise of street cars and enter the sanctuary of quiet squirrels and ducks! A rather unfortunate thing happened, though, I lost my phone along the way. When I found it, it was already ran over by a car!:( Looks like I will be shopping for a new phone tomorrow.

Of course anyone would agree, there are a lot of depressing things in the hospital, but to me, people on dialysis and people on ventilators have to be some of the most depressing. It's just a feeling I get when I step into the hemodialysis quarter or the ICU. Sometimes I step back and think, how far medicine has come to be able to take over the function of a whole organ system, like the kidneys and lungs, when they fail. It's a bit unnatural and awe-inspiring at the same time. Anyways, just some of my random thoughts.

I was warned about Dr. H, the pulmonologist, before I started working with him in January. "He will pimp you to death, " is his reputation. He deeply humbled me into realizing how much I don't know. Most of the time, I had no pride to be hurt because the way I see it, everytime I find out I don't know something is an opportunity to patch up that gap in my medical knowledge. Dr .H is not a natural-born American (he's South American, I believe) so he has a peculiar way of being honest and probing. Like when he talks to patients who are smokers, "so, are you going to stop smoking, or is that too much to ask?", he would say with a straight poker face. To this question, the patient would usually give a laugh and pause. Then Dr. H would continue, " I just want to know because I don't want to waste my time." The other thing he likes to do is to calculate for patients how much their smoking has cost them, monetary-wise. "Oh my, you could have bought a house!" or "for that much money, you could take a vacation in Hawaii. . .with your daughter." Somehow, Dr. H has a way of sizing you up and do it unapologetically. I have only seen that kind of straightforwardness and honesty in foreigners. Americans are very big on political correctness and politeness, a kind of fakeness that we get comfortable with and expect from strangers and professionals. Hmm, just another observation.

Another random observatin of mine: I can't believe skinny jeans are still in!! Makes me want to go and buy another pair! Should I or not? Decisions, decisions. . .

I'm working with another nice resident this month, wohoo!! He is giving us five days off, one extra day than usual!:) My attending, however, is one I would rather not work with, and I will just say that much. But oh will, sometimes we win, sometimes we lose.

I will end this post with this quote:

" Happiness in life is nothing more than a good health

and a bad memory."

Whatnots

2008-01-07T16:16:00.000-08:00

As my vacation is drawing to an end, I'm a little sad, anxious and depressed all rolled into one at the prospect of going back to work. Speaking with another resident, I know this is not uncommon. I do like my work, I do, but being at home is ever so nice. Ahhh. . .

And what is up with the weather??! It's 70 degrees out there!! It's lovely if only Global Warming wasn't so menacing.

Hiro just got back from his neuter surgery. Poor little guy, his testicles (both) were undescended and the doctor had to make a wider incision and go exploring in his abdomen. Hiro is getting some much needed rest while I'm on the computer. If I go about my chores around the house, he'll be awake and attempt to follow me everywhere so I'm doing computer work so he can rest.

I went out to watch "I am Legend" last night with hubby. I go to the movies like once or twice a year and I wish I hadn't done so this time. It was the scariest movie I've ever seen in a long time. It was something about the darkness and rabies-crazed humans that just struck a wrong chord with me. Hubby, on the other hand, enjoyed it much. However, I loved "Evan Almighty", which we watched at home a few days ago. Funny and positive, just like movies should be. I know I'm corny and boring.

Yes, I really did have a good week off, albeit too short. I had quite a few people advising me and hubby to take a trip for this break. "You HAVE to go somewhere", "Get away", "If you don't do it now, you'll regret it after you have a baby." For a short while, we even contemplated a short Mexico or Carribean cruise, but now thinking back, I don't think I would have changed my vacation a bit. Movies in bed with hubby, savoring my mom's steamed pork buns, highlights in my hair, finding that perfect velour hoodie/pant set at Macy's, meeting friends' brand new 2-week old baby, seeing old friends, etc.

Hairy business

2008-01-05T21:56:00.000-08:00

Hiro got his first professional grooming session shortly before New Year's. And he really needed it, just look at his before/after pictures. Apparently he was a very problematic client for the groomer. He was squirming, biting, and fighting every step of the way. The groomer had to put a muzzle on him and a usual 30-minute affair turned into a 3-hour ordeal. I suppose it's very hard to make a puppy understand why someone has to clip his toenails, pluck hair out of his ears and all the while he has to stay still. But again, he will get use to this particular quirk of human domination like other unnatural habits and tricks he's now accustomed to.

BEFORE.

AFTER.

Hiro's poodle-ness really comes through, not so much maltese.

And guess who else got a hair cut? Moi!! I was getting so tired of the ponytail hairstyle I've had for ages. Only in the last two years I've adopted side swept bangs. I liked my last hair cut and perm in Taiwain in May of 2007, but since then the perm has grown out. For the first time in my life, I got my hair highlighted. Actually, there are "lowlights", too, but I have no idea what the difference is. You can't tell from the picture, but there are blonde to light brown to red highlights/lowlights in my hair. Hubby calls it my "New York haircut." I suppose he's not used to anything but a conservative undyed pulled back hair on me. Now I understand the craze of Asian girls with colored hair. It's so neat to see the color variations in your hair. Like many other sought-after things in life, it breaks up the monotony. I'm definitely in love with the salon. I went to the Toni & Guy salon in North Park mall.

Before.

After.

I'm so over curls (for now) in pursuit of sleek straight hair. I had a self-tutorial in flat irons over the internet and purchased one. I got the Solia brand as it had the best reveiws. I can't wait for it to arrive! And then there's leave-in conditioners and thermal protectants for the hair. I can't believe how much there is I don't know about beauty products and hair care. There are middle-school girls posting on Youtube about the use of flat irons! I'm such a virgin at this, but I get a feeling that my shampoo-and-air-dry days are over. But if work ever gets too hairy (a pun!), I'll have my pony-tail to fall back on.

In search of beauty knowledge, I came across gel overlay French manicure. Now I'm dreaming of getting a full set. What is that? Before yesterday, I didn't know either but it's the newest technology in artificial nails using dental-grade material, a step above the old acrylic nails. And I haven't even entered the world of facials and spas. I think I've opened a Pandora's box!

I was just pondering of the sheer expense of being a woman in the pursuit of beauty and vanity. By habit and by upbringing, I was the "au naturale" girl, but now I definitely see the light of "artificial" beauty. It's not all about superficiality. I believe the confidence boost we get from a new hairdo or putting on make-up carries over to our family life and our workplace. We all have our boundary of what is too much and each woman need to make that decision for herself and hopefully not judge others for making different choices. Some women draw the line at using a little lip gloss and other women draw the line at getting breast implants. The common denominator is, as women, we need to feel good about ourselves and be proud of our femininity. As the Revlon slogan says (and this is in no way kowtowing to the commercial industry but simplying plucking a kernal of truth from a message), "because you're worth it.

This Christmas

2007-12-29T20:01:00.000-08:00

I did not expect much from Christmas this year. In fact, I was even avoiding and dreading it since I know it'll be just another work day for me. I had no Christmas cards to send, no gifts to give, no gatherings to attend and our home was totally void of holiday decor. But Christmas turned out to be special anyway. I came home early from work since all non-essential activities were cancelled at the hospital. Hubby and I ate at Tokyo One for lunch. Then we took Hiro to othe dog park and had a long walk around White Rock Lake. So, I'd say we had a rather untraditional Christmas, but it was so nice anyways. In the future, I'd love to totally immerse myself in the Christmas spirit. The Christmas tree, the holiday photo cards, gifts for friends, holiday parties, Christmas church service. . . eggnog, mistole, tinsels, etc., the whole nine yards.

~*~

Christmas day was a gloriously sunny day, a gift from God. Here are some pictures taken around our apartment. Yes, I know the pictures to follow are so canine-centric, but Hiro in his Santa suit is the only holiday effort we have to show for.

Hiro all aglow

"I'm flying!" Look at his ears all up like a rabbit!

It's fun to run.

Santa sighting.

Today is the first day of my week-long vacation. I was so happy getting off work today, like, singing a silly song, swimming in bed, and chasing the dog for no reason -happy. I look forward to visiting Arkansas, shopping a ton, sleeping in, spending time with my mom, watching movies, taking pictures, meeting friends' new baby, playing with dog. . .oh gosh, I wish I had more days off.

This Cursed Monday!

2007-12-10T18:03:00.001-08:00

Bad things happen in threesomes, I am convinced. . .

1. I was stuck in a traffic jam for 3 hours on my 15 minute commute home!

2. Hiro pooped on the carpet!? Okay, so he's 98% housetrained.

3. Found out I can't attend the resident Christmas party because I'm on call that evening.

I am still fuming. . .

Cute, cute, way too cute!!

2007-12-06T19:06:00.000-08:00

"If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. *clap, clap* If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. . ."

Okay, but if you're not happy, forget the song and claps, skip on over to www.cuteoverload.com. I'm on call tomorrow, :( but I was cheered up once I saw these pictures.

Ahhh, seeing pictures of cats make me really really want one. I'd love to have the meow of a cat around the house again, their small paws making biscuits on my stomach and their purring putting me to sleep. I told hubby tonight that as soon as we buy a house I'm getting a cat again.

Also check out http://www.stuffonmycat.com and www.stuffonmymutt.com. If these pictures don't make you laugh then hmm, I don't know what to say except something's seriously wrong with you!

New Month, New Moments

2007-12-01T13:17:00.000-08:00

A new month also means a new team, new resident, new co-intern and new attending. And this month promises to be a very promising one. First of all, I love my co-intern, an anesthesia intern whom I worked with in October as well. When I think of S, I think of calm. She's African-American with a great sense of style and a head of hair to envy. She must live with a hairstylist or something because her hair is always amazing. One day she comes in with dreadlocks, another day with a bun, then the next with a updo in a head wrap. As for me, my hair is always the same, tied back with a rubber band. I must get to the bottom of what's her tress-rific secret. Ha, I love that pun!

Second of all, my resident in December is the super-great CK. I worked with her in July, yep, she was my very first resident in my very first month of internship. I couldn't have asked for a better resident during the overwhelming "First Month." What's more, CK gave S and I the day off today!!! Just like that, CK said, "we are on call on Sunday, so why don't you take Saturday off and I'll see all the patients." Oh my gosh, I had to ask, "are you sure?!" I was afraid if I said too much, CK would change her mind!

I hardly knew what to do with myself today. I slept in, of course. After hubby went to his Saturday class and usual date with badminton, I went shopping --just for work clothes. (Any new clothes in photos are loot from earlier shopping trips of months past). I picked up a couple of new sets of scrubs and a new white coat. When it comes to scrubs, there are name-brands, you know the Calvin Kleins of medical wear, and then there are the no-name brands of the Target variety. Even Grey's Anatomy and Katherine Heigle now have their own lines of scrubs and white coats!! Back in summer, Malini and I visited this little uniform shop (Scrubs-N-Chef Uniform Depot on N. Stemmons) hidden in a half-abandoned shopping center. The store owners are an old Indian/Pakistani couple. Although not a glamorous place to shop, but for only $16.99/set, I have discovered that the scrubs I bought there fit very well and have stood up to the test of time and frequent visits in the laundry machine. So today I went back for more and also picked up a generic 37" white coat. I have discovered that the life of a white coat for an intern/resident is 6 months, at most. My white coat is my single most frequently worn piece of clothing and after several months, it just won't wash clean anymore. It's rather nasty looking and probably colonized with every hospital germ there is. So I was really glad to see a new whiter than white white coat today and decided to get my name and speciality embroidered on it in the store. Unfortunately it was seriously botched!! The lines are lope-sided and a little too high. I didn't realize this until I came home. Maybe that's why the Indian lady gave me some free scrunchies!

As for what I did rest of the day. . .I cleaned up our home a bit and took some frivolous photos.

Mixing the old with the new:

Cropped black jacket with 3/4 sleeves and ankle boots are these seasons trends, but the tee and jeans are last years.

Black n' white jumper dress, black tights and ankle boots.

My new tan cold-weather boots with last year's jacket and jeans. These boots have been "in" for the last couple of years, but I love them, perfect for the snow days.

My new favorite outfit these days b/c it's super comfy: mini jean skirt with black leggings, and black flats.

New work clothes: the ever popular ciel blue scrubs and my new crisp white coat. Even in this poor picture, you can see the screwed up embroidery.

November No More

2007-11-29T17:44:00.000-08:00

November would have been a very monotonous month if it weren't for Thanksgiving. You know, work, home, sleep, doggy, husband, etc. We had settled into a perpetual routine, right down to when the dog pees and poops. Then my parents came here for Thanksgiving and broke up the monotony, in a very good way, of course.

Let's see, on Thanksgiving day I was post-call and basically greeted my parents in my jammies and went to bed until dinner. Hubby and my mom cooked our Thanksgiving turkey and untraditional fixings. I gave myself the permission to have the weekend off. I was already off from work, but I let myself off of ALL work. I didn't lift a single finger for the whole weekend. Somehow my family accepted this unspoken agreement of my total laziness and the three of them cooked and served. Not that I think I deserved it in someway, maybe I just took advantage, or maybe I was just tired. Before my parents left, they had cooked enough to stuff full our whole freezer and then some.

Whenever I've been able to get off at a decent time this month, I've been driving to a neighborhood across the highway to take walks with Hiro. It's a bit of hassel to drive off for a walk but somedays it's worth it. I feel like I'm "borrowing" the neighborhood since I don't actually live there. It has to be one of Dallas's most expensive neighborhoods with the prime location, huge houses, lovely old trees, nice seasonal decorations and professionally maintained lawns. There's also a little park with water fountain, ducks, and several inconspicuous stands that dispense disposable doggy poop scoopers. How cool! However, what's not conspicuous is that it's a largely Caucasian neighborhood. Any "foreigners" are the dark-haired nannies on the playgrounds looking after little blonde children and the lawn manicurists driving in their "lawncare" pickups. When I skip across the highway back to my neighborhood, I'll always see people waiting at the bus stop or walking down the sidewalk with grocery bags in hand. My neighborhood is mostly apartments buildings and condos, one of which was a Katrina housing. I see people of all colors here. This is also where we have a homeless man sneaking into our condo building at night and have frequent reports of auto thefts. The other neighborhood has their own police force in SUVs while we have a neighborhood watch group online. Their neighborhood have Oriental rug stores and boutique cookie shops and we have a bar and Condoms To Go store nearby. I only write this because I can't help but notice the differences! So this is America where the racial, social and economical divides are still so evident before my very own eyes. Part of me would like to think that this country has progressed more than this but I'm a bit disappointed to see it's not so. It seems like in America, the rich today tends to be rich tomorrow and the poor stay poor perpetually, Asian immimgrants notwithstanding. Keeping-it-in-the-family style. I really don't have an organized point to make. I'm no social commentator or political scientist so I'm sorry if you think I'm going anywhere deep with this. I'm just a lay person making an observation. Oh yeah, no where near do I see many Asians around me, except for the international students who, like myself, temporarily take up residence where dwelling is affordable and the drive is convenient. By and large, settled Asians like to live in subburbs on the outskirts of Dallas where houses are big, land is abundant and cows are nearby. True Texas style. I am jesting just a bit but ha, joke on me, as hubby and I will probably be one of those people someday. The pull of my ethnicity!

I also want to mention that on my semi-regular walks, I've met some dogs and their owners. For one thing, Hiro is too friendly and insists on greeting every living thing that we pass, both the two-legged and the four-legged. And the other thing, dog owners tend to be friendly and like to stop and chat about their dogs. Funny how we usually exchange dog names but rarely our own. I've met a man and his schnauzer named Drowser, a female nurse with her pomeranian named Dinky, and another lady with a black short-haired mutt named Shadow. I'm grateful for some doggy interaction for Hiro and bits of useful doggy advice for myself.

Bye bye November, until next year.

Doggy Galore

2007-11-29T16:50:00.000-08:00

Hiro is now 5 months old.

The sad puppy look.

Playtime is a dog's favorite time!

Hiro is smiling, can you see? I know he doesn't have lips, but that's a smile!

It's like he's a different dog!

Hmmmm

2007-11-28T20:27:00.000-08:00

Agggg, almost the last day of November, and only 2 posts??! How did this happen?! No siree, it can't be!! I'll be back with another post tomorrow, as for now, sleep beckons, otherwise I'll be kicking myself as I yawn through the day tomorrow.

The NEW Golden Rule. . .

2007-11-11T10:10:00.000-08:00

"Those who have gold rules."

Isn't that terrible?!
Cynicism is infectious, as hubby replied.

November November

2007-11-07T16:09:00.000-08:00

I just got off call a few hours ago. My days are no longer known as "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday", etc. To me, my "week" is divided into:

Call Day

Post-call day

Post-post-call day

Pre-pre-call day

Pre-call day

Call day. . .

It's Novemeber already! It's been almost four months since internship started for me. It felt like just yesterday that I started as an wide-eyed intern, and yet we are already one week into interview week for next year's intern class!

And lovely weather it's been. Perfect weather for walking Hiro, who's getting a lot of ohhh's and ahhh's from people he meet. One lady was driving, stopped her car, and got out to ask me what kind of dog Hiro is and the "if you don't mind me asking, how much. . ." Paul and I both have taken up training Hiro, mainly fun tricks and commands. He is half poodle and the circus-performer in him is coming out! He can sit and shake hands (his paw, my hand) on command, he stands on his hind legs when asked, and just yesterday (while I was gone), he mastered "roll over." Next up: play dead and bark on command. Since we are doing amatuerishly okay with training Hiro, it's making me think twice about taking the time and money out to get professional dog-training. I am going to take some new pictures of Hiro soon as he is growing up so fast!

This is also a sad month for us. My little Kitty is no longer with us. We finally made the decision to put her down. The decision was no short of a Sophie's choice for me. We had made up our mind on a date to take her in but at the last moment, I backed out. I just needed more time. I felt part relief and part grief when it was finally over with. I still remember the day she tentatively walked into our door onone cold December night and then soon decided she wasn't ever going to leave again. She was a little hapless stray but our sweet serendipity.

No Title Entry

2007-10-26T20:18:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling a whole lot better and more optimistic this week. I just needed a couple of days off. That was not too much to ask for in life is it??! Amazingly, our last call was relatively light which meant I was able to wash my face, use the bathroom and eat (things that come second to patients in the ER) . . . and my clinic schedule had a few no-shows which meant I got out in time. Perhaps God was looking out for me:) Also, with hubby's help, I rearranged some furnitures at home that's both more functional and feng-shui. Okay, I don't know about the feng-shui part, but it works, okay?!

One thing I haven't managed to fit in my life is study time. I'm suppose to read about my patients every night, do questions for our monthly exam daily, and regularly read the medical journals that come in the mail. Oh yeah, and do research project on the side, as in "outside" of our 80-hr work week. Sometimes, I just meditate on the incredulousness of all the expectations around me. It's all just a little too much for me. I've got the dog, the cat, a husband, a home to take care of after work. I'm already not shopping, exercising and I hardly socialize, yet, I just don't have enough time in a day.

In light of this, a friend asked me recently, "why did you get a dog? how do you have the time?" I so appreciated her question, I thought it was very intuitive of her to ask. With no time for essentials like sleep and pray, why did I get a dog at this time? The simple truth is I had no idea how much it would take to take care of a puppy! Sometimes you learn the lesson after the fact. Luckily, I feel like I've been bailed out. Not only is hubby helping out so much with Hiro, he's a natural at being a dog owner/lover. I appreciate it since it was principally me that wanted to get the dog in the first place. And with Hiro being toilet-trained, that helps out a bunch, too!

It brings up the question in me, if I knew the EXACT consequences of every decision I make, would I still have made those decisions? I wonder how many experiences I'd have missed out on? Should all our decisions be perfect? Should we aspire to a life that always go according to plan? I mean, if I knew how I felt about medicine today, would I still have decided to become pre-med in college? If I knew how marriage is really like on some days, would I still got married? And the puppy, if all the work was revealed to me beforehand, would I have taken him home?

In my opinion, thinking too much is a sure way to kill an experience. It's like being at the mall, if I think too much about a purchase, I probably wouldn't end up buying anything at all. Or if you are skydiving, right before you jump, you start to think about what you're really doing, then how can you jump after that?

I'm not saying we shouldn't think before we proceed, but there are those of us who err on the side of thinking too much. Of course, bad decisions in life are inevitable. But I don't think regret does anyone any good most of the time. I used to know someone who said his goal in life is to have no regrets. That could mean you avoid making decisions so no bad OR good decisions are made, or you learn the art of making lemonade out of lemons in life. Perhaps it's true what they say, "nothing worth having in life comes easy." At end of the day, I'm still glad I'm a doctor, married and a mommy to a puppy. So that's my life in a nutshell. Although I'm constantly trying to fit more in a nutshell than it can hold.

Seriously, this is just for laughs. . .

2007-10-22T18:58:00.000-07:00

A resident sent me this, it made me chuckle.

*CLICK on pic to ENLARGE*

Weighed Down

2007-10-17T19:23:00.000-07:00

Yes, "weighed down" is exactly how I feel right now. Like a sinking anchor, a balloon that won't stay afloat, a bag too heavy for the back. And maybe even like what a lot of patients often tell me, "it feels like there's an elephant on my chest!" It's only the 3rd week into my 13 weeks straight of ward medicine, and I'm already "weighed down," on the verge of burnout. Ha, can you tell I'm a countdown person? I was at the store the other day, and a singing Christmas tree told me it was 74 days 'til Christmas. But no, I was not quite in the holiday spirit.

I am weighed down by all the patient care duties, all the work hours, demands of my pets at home. The pager calls from the hospital while I'm trying to feed myself and the animals at home, the insanely early wake-up calls, the regularly scheduled sleepless nights, aggg!!! What's worse, I have a BIG test this Friday that's woefully unstudied for and Kitty is getting sicker, quickly spirally out of our ability to take care of her. At work, it's one patient after another, admissions upon admissions. At home, it's books piled high to be read, and Kitty's intestinal mess to be cleaned up day after day. Thank God that Hiro has stepped up and leaving his business for me exactly where I want him to. But Hiro is getting older, and he needs professional obedience training now which I have not yet secured for him.

I've finally spent some time today realizing I'm overwhelmed and coming up with some ideas to fix this. My upcoming free weekend, although already planned full, is so much more needed now. What I need is just a little time off and then get into action:

1. Prioritize my to-do's
2. Cut down on the daily non-essentials
3. Maximize my spare time at home
4. Re-focus on the really important goals.

Ha ha, my life is sounding like a business plan, if only I had come up with a cute acronym. I'll be okay, a concoction of sleep and wise stategizing will do wonders for being "weighed down."

Randomness.

2007-10-14T19:36:00.000-07:00

Ahhh, I'm tired, just plain bone-tired. It's like that line from Demi Moore's character on the old movie "St. Elmo's Fire" who says, "I'm so tired, I never thought I would be so tired at 27." It's a great classic movie, BTW, about the coming of age of a group of young people in the 1980's. There are so many good old classic movies that people miss out on because of the constant barrage of new and glittery movies from Hollywood every year. "St.Elmo's Fire", "Fried Green Tomatoes", and "Harold and Maude" are some memorable classics that come to mind.

Finally got home after another 30-hour call. I'm on my stretch of 12 days of work straight without a day off. My "golden" weekend (both Sat and Sun off) is next weekend. Yes, I'm so looking forward to some R&R. Need to straighten up the house, do laundry, clean up doggie's path of destruction, bathe the dog and just plain veggie out.

I came home at 3pm to a nice simple lunch by hubby. As soon as I ate, I konked out on the couch, then zombied over to my bed. (Am I making words up?) I could not get up out of bed after a nap, I thought I could just stay in bed forever. But hubby dragged me out of bed at 6:30pm for our daily walk with Hiro. Yes, Hiro has finally taken his first step outdoors. He's taken to the leash like a child with a bicycle. Training wheels are almost no longer necessary. Speaking of training, he's 90% housetrained!! That is, he knows how to use his indoor tray for pee and poop. This has to be one of the best and surprising news as I feared housetraining would take months.

Then at 7pm, hubby and I had dinner (thanks to hubby again) and watched a movie, one of those forementioned newish Nicolas Cage movies. Kitty sleeping in a tight curl, and Hiro contentedly playing with his chew toy at the side. I'm so pleased to see my animals happy.

Some blogging time, and now time for sleep again. Tomorrow my 10-hour day starts all over again, until the fifth night from now, when I'm back on 30 hour call at the hospital.

I miss a lot of things when being busy, but right now I miss just having time to think about things, big and small, and even better, spending time thinking about nothing at all.

Puppy Love

2007-10-06T19:26:00.001-07:00

Who can resist a stubby little tail wagging fiercely solely because you’ve come home at end of the day? I hope Hiro never loses the bounce in his steps, the seriousness he brings to play, the unending curiosity, the Speedy-Gonzalez energy, and of course his puppy adorableness. Check out his one lopsided ear, smallish eyes and Eistein-crazy hair. (I have yet to take him to the groomer's for a proper haircut.)

"No, it wasn't me, mommy!"

"I'm cute but I'm lethal, I can lick you to death if you let me!"

"Those are not bags under my eyes, they're tear-stains, common in my breeds, the maltese and poodle. Mommy can buy some Angel's Eyes to use on me but she hasn't had the time."

ZZZZZ, finally.

I've been wondering what Hiro would look like all grown-up. . .this pic (from the web) might be a close rendition minus the longer ears.

Of Cats and Dogs

2007-10-04T18:48:00.000-07:00

Almost perfect: Hubby studying Powerpoint lectures, I'm next to him doing multiple-choice questions with Hiro sleeping at our feet and Kitty napping at a corner. . .all four of us on the same bed. Ahh, what peace, what harmony, the whole family, the “pack” together.

However, just earlier that day, I recall the scene of Hiro dancing ecstatically around Kitty inviting her to play, while Kitty, a grounded statue of calm suddenly break into a hissing fit followed by the rise of a sharp-clawed paw perfected for gauging puppy eyes. Hiro cowers back in such pitiful fear that I had to scoop him up and make sure his black marble eyes were still intact. All day long, I was chasing the cat away from dog food and chastising the puppy for eating cat food. Yes, I’ve got two animals who shows a great deal more interest in each other’s food than their own. In midst of trying to housetrain Hiro, my trusted litterbox-using cat has decided she’s going to pee on carpet, too! In midst of chaos, I am armed with gallons of Nature’s Miracle enzymatic cleaner, bags of doggy treats, and a floorful of chewy dog toys all in the hope of successfully raising a puppy. It’s been a challenge, no doubt. And on top of it all, I’m careful to pay Ms. Kitty extra attention to let her know she’s still special and loved. At least she’s already established her dominance over the puppy after just a few fearsome swats. I admire my cat as she walks with confidence, with a regal slowness befitting a seasoned and rightful queen. The puppy will dart side to side, back and forth, and then halt in his tracks to let the cat pass by.

Everything is new to Hiro, which makes puppyhood all the more refreshing and challenging. I remember the first time he heard my stomach growl, he stopped abruptly in his play and looked at me quizzically. And the day he discovered his own bark. It was a weak sound at first but now it’s a powerful resonance that sometime surprises me as it comes from a mop-headed and teddybear-faced three-pounder. He has decided barking is fine way of communicating with us. Ha, but no, little one! There are so many things to beat out of a dog’s nature before he can be accepted as a “good” pet, it’s a wonder that dogs ever became domesticated and civilized housemates to humans. Cats are much more of a natural fit for house-living. Almost from day one, cats will fit seamlessly into our lives as they come already litterbox-trained a la mode instinct, self-cleaning and odor-free, capable of independent play and has minimal destructive behavior which can be easily controlled with a scratching post from Petsmart. A dog, on the other hand, must discard much of his unacceptable doggy-ness and assiduously re-learn a set of house rules before he’s a free-roaming full-privileged member of the family. To be a good cat owner, one just have to love the cat, and everything else will either come naturally or one will be taught by the cat. To successfully own a dog, however, one better have an arsenal of patience, leadership skills and a hobby degree in canine psychology! It seems to be totally against a dog’s nature to limit his peeing and pooping activity to one area and one area only. Human feet, especially when moving, are chew toys to be reckoned with for a puppy. And unless I establish myself as the “head”, the puppy will attempt to become the “alpha dog” over me by humping my leg and with other deeply ingrained but socially unacceptable canine gestures. It was my fear that I got the dominant puppy of the litter, and I’ve done my darnest to assert my alpha-ness. As I clean up dog poo, prepare dog food, give dog treats, bathe my puppy, and engage in puppy play on all fours, I can’t help but wonder, hmm, who is really the master here? But enriched my life my animals have.

New Phones

2007-10-03T19:57:00.000-07:00

The Motorola RIZR phone in blue and rose.

Paul and I finally got some new phones. The paint has come off my old one and I was literally embarassed to take it out in public, and let's just say hubby's old phone was the prototype with black and white screen.

LIttle Devil in Angel's Disguise

2007-09-21T15:01:00.000-07:00

Meet our little puppy, Hiro, a 11-week old, 2.5 lbs apricot-colored male maltipoo. Sometimes, I think he came straight from hell and not the other place I got him, but other times, he's simply the most adorable thing there is.

Dog Names

2007-09-10T19:21:00.000-07:00

Hiro*
Lucky*
Hachi ("good luck" in Japanese)
CoCo
Xiao Bai ("little white" in Chinese)
P. Bear

I met a little puppy this weekend. He might become mine!! They are reviewing the four-page application, calling my vets and friends for references, no doubt. So far, we like the first two names the best, partly because they are the only two Paul and I can agree on. We'll see.

As Luck Would Have It

2007-09-04T23:15:00.000-07:00

Last week this time, I was preparing myself mentally for the onset of another month of wards, but at the last minute, the chief switched my schedule. So instead of doing calls and 80-hr weeks in September, I'm on my easiest month of the year (elective) with a week of mandatory vacation at the end. I was quite upset. You see, it means I will have 3 months of wards back to back, (Oct to Dec). I was also hoping to "save" my week of vacation when I really need it, a.k.a. burnout time. I had thought (and told all family and interested friends) that the worst schedule I have to get through this year is wards medicine 2 months at a time. But now, it's actually three months of calls with nearly no weekends all at once, which sounds soul-wrenching! The feeling I had was like being handed an unfair prison sentence.

They say every cloud has a silver lining. . .and in this case, it's actually true, just have to look at the bright side. Here are my silver linings:

1. I had my one holiday of the year off, Labor Day! And I enjoyed it thoroughly, although I didn't step out of my door and mostly cleaned.

2. Also, my car broke down so I was able to take a day off from my ultral-light schedule and get it serviced. I just imagine if I was on wards and discovered my car was not working one early morning, I think I would just break down myself and cry. Car problems should not happen to people with stressful jobs! (That would be a law if I ever become Queen of the Land). As luck would have it, I was able to spend a leisure day at Starbucks sipping a pumpking spice frappacino while my car was being fixed next door. BTW, the PS frap was good, nothing like it to welcome fall!

3. "Linda, I think you dodged a bullet on this one." This was the response I got from an intern after I told her I wasn't on wards with a certain resident in September. Apparently, this said resident is very difficult to work with. After hearing a few horror stories from this poor intern who had to work with this resident, I was completely convinced that I, indeed, got very lucky. Your upper level (aka resident), at best, is a good boss, and at worst, a slave-driver.

4. Lastly, I was able to hang out with Malini at a rather posh shopping area in Plano on this free weekend of mine. We walked around the boutique shops, chatted our way through aisles of hand-made jewlry and overpriced but unique T-shirts and then headed to Stonebriar Mall to actually purchase stuff from Macy's big Labor Day Sale. It was so good to catch up with Malini. Even though we see each other at the hospital almost everyday, we hardly get to talk. It's always running to this and that, body and mind running to several different directions all at once. We are bonded by a common experience, something that I just don't share with anyone else in my life. It's an exciting and trying time, intern year is. She totally gets me when I tell her about a particularly difficult attending I had. I can't sympathize more when she shares the story of how the night before her last call of the month, she sat down with her mom to have a good talk. "It was like preparing for war, I had to get some strength and encouragment from my mom."

So, all that is to say I'm very grateful at this turn of event even though it means I will suffer a little deeper later on. Happy Fall!

It's Timeless, it's Lovely, It's LV handbags

2007-09-03T19:05:00.000-07:00

Then. . .

and now. . .

BTW, that's Audrey Hepburn circa 1960's and Hillary Duff (TV and movie actress) circa 2005.

Saturday Night Gathering

2007-08-26T11:55:00.000-07:00

Here's at some friends' house all the way in Fort Worth on Saturday night.

The three of them all showed up wearing pink tees and khaki capris! What are the chances of that happening?!

He Says. . .

2007-08-19T17:28:00.000-07:00

Hubby said today:

"I weigh myself every morning, and from that I figure out how much I can eat for the day."
(Hmm, how does that work again?)

"If I have a daughter one day, I want her to be just like you."
(Ahhh, thanks!)

Conflicts

2007-08-18T15:29:00.000-07:00

I’m a conflicted person. Let me explain why. I strive to be a learned person, but I also indulge in the ultra frivolous. I really want to be thin, only to be trumped by my love of eating. I desire to be godly but I don’t love God enough. I like to see hubby healthy and long-living but I also want him to enjoy the time he has on earth. I love my husband but I’m ever so critical of him. I’m really fun-loving inside but I’m also the biggest worrier there is. In terms of fun, I think laughter ranks right up there with shopping and the other “s” word but I can cry just as easy. I believe I’m in the best profession there is but I would hate to do it full-time. I can’t wait for retirement but I don’t want to get old. I want to be a fashionista but I end up wearing the same old outfit all the time. I love shopping but that’s complicated by a strong sense of frugality instilled in me by my parents. . .

. . .actually, bargain shopping nicely compromises that last conflict. If there was “bargain shopping” in the Olympics, it would be my event. This weekend is Texas’s tax-free weekend for clothing items and so I took advantage. Here’s a look at the damage done (too guilty to ask hubby to take pics for me):

*CLICK on picture to enlarge*

(most pics will enlarge)

Polka dots!! I recently watched the movie "Because I Said So" and fell in love with polka dots! I bought 3 polka dot items today. Don't know why but I was really drawn to polka dots and the color green today.

I love this green top, so cute with red heart-shaped buttons. It's very urban-Asian, I think. I'm wearing it with black capris and red pumps.

I like this conservative and classic dress. You can't see it very well, but this dress looks perfect with with my string of pearls. I'm wearing it to work next week.

But I can also do fun and flirty, which is what this dress is. It's a really nice silver metallic color. Another shopper at the store told me it would go great with black stilletos and a night of dancing. I agree but since hubby and I are not dancing people, I'll wear it to a nice restaurant.

Cute baby doll shirt with empire waist. Why, oh why did I not discover this trend earlier??! It hides my tummy (esp post-eating) so nicely. I can also wear it for pregnancy one day, hehe.

Another fun, cute shirt to wear with my skinny jeans, which I hope is still "in" this fall.

I can't have fun all the time, here's a new shirt for work. It's crisp and clean with nice ruffling details.

The ever so classic khaki trenchcoat for this coming fall. Like pearls and polk dot dresses, every girl should also have a trenchcoat.

Just Having Fun. . .

2007-08-17T11:37:00.000-07:00

Gray tunic dress top, black leggings and matching flats.

Hairstyle borrowed from Heather Graham in the movie, "Gray Matters." A delish small bun in the middle with 2 cute hairpins on the sides.

Pictures (of wedding and Kitty)

2007-08-16T20:56:00.000-07:00

There are few events more enjoyable than a wedding. I've regretted the several weddings we were unable to attend this past year due to school, weather, work, travel, graduation, etc. Here's one we were able to attend in Arkansas, James and Melinda's wedding last Saturday.

We are both very cheeky (full cheeks), no?

With the happy couple.

Here is Kitty enjoying a movie. . .it was "Because I Said So."

Borrrrrrrrrinnngg. . .that or I'm just an old cat who needs her sleep.

Ahh, this elective month is great . . .I'm actually getting paid to read EKGs with the cardiologists.

Perspectives

2007-08-15T21:30:00.000-07:00

"You can always have your way if your have enough ways."

--Unknown

"If all our misfortunes were laid in one heap whence everyone must take an equal portion, most people would be contented to take their own and depart."

--Socrates

How's that to chew on, or better yet, to ruminate over?

A Look-Back on July

2007-08-04T09:49:00.000-07:00

So here’s what’s been going with me. I finished my first month of wards medicine. It’s been a hard month. The excitement and general love of my job did sustain me, though. That doesn’t mean I didn’t complain to hubby quite a bit. Being on call and without sleep for 24 hours is the hardest because I find myself barely able to function or care at the end. By the time I reach home at end of call, I all but collapse and feel like I have the flu every time. It turns out my fellow interns had a tough time of it, too. Many of us have been working over 80 hours per week, which is the limit set by the ACGME. We had a meeting with the program director and she promptly decided to change our schedule. For reasons that are political, we are still having the 30-hour calls Q 5 days but on the days we are not on call, we can go home early, so instead of 12-hour work days on non-call days, it’ll be more manageable at 8-10 hour days.

Now, I’m on cardiology for the month of August. The cardiologists are great, quick to teach and easy-going. I’m enjoying it, so far. This month is suppose to be our “break” with no calls and every weekend off! The other intern who’s on this rotation with me is 10 weeks pregnant. It was an unexpected pregnancy and she’s dealing with nausea and fatigue. I really do sympathize with her. What surprises me, no, astounds me, is that she only plans to take 1 month off for her baby so she doesn’t have to be behind schedule and extend her residency. Yes, it can be done, but as for me, I would want to be solely mommy for a longer time.

On the flipside, I’m experimenting with wearing more fun yet professional clothes to work. I wore this black capri pants with high-heeled sandals on Friday. I actually did okay with walking on high heels all day! The cardiologist we were working with took one look at my shoes and said “hmm, fancy.” He was also the one commented on my “Tiffany” bracelet and “Coach” handbag. Yes, I had on a bracelet and carried a handbag but they were no where close to their descriptors. Hmm, try Target’s and Kohl’s. He was just teasing, I know. No, I’m not the only doctor that wears high heels in the hospital, and yes, this cardiologist likes to tease everyone.

All that aside, I have wanted to get a nice, presentable leather handbag for a long time. I have pretty much given up on having a Louis Vuitton bag. Nor am I aiming for a Coach or Chanel, just something nicer and pricier than what I’m use to. Hubby has promised to venture the mall with me tomorrow and look for a handbag for me. That is a big concession on his part, seeing he doesn’t like to go to the mall for anything!

Other news, Kitty is sick. She’s been vomiting, not eating, and losing weight. I took her to the vet and it turns out she has hyperthyroidism which means she’s at least 10 years old. We are giving her medicine twice a day for the hyperthyroidism. She has stopped vomiting and is eating more. I have given up on the high-quality hard-to-find cat food for her because she would rather starve than eat her old food. But she loves canned Friskies and Fancy Feast from the supermarket which is half the price of her old food anyways!

And finally, a shout out to hubby. He’s simply been great this past month. What would I have done without his support, home-cooked meals, foot messages, evening walks, etc?

People.

2007-07-17T19:11:00.000-07:00

Today I learned what truly makes me love my job. People. People like Mr.H and Mrs.A, whom I saw in clinic today. On the flipside, there are people that make me feel the opposite about my profession.

“I’m going to be 83 soon and God hasn’t taken me yet, I guess he just doesn’t have room up there for me yet.” Said Mr. H, who has had his big share of medical problems in his long years including a brain tumor that was removed in open brain surgery.

Full of stories that could only come with years of life, Mr.H said, “After my brain surgery, there would be people that look at me on the streets, sometimes they don’t say anything but I know they are curious and want to ask me what happened to my head and why I have a the scar. I’d say to them, ‘my brain was too big and the doc had to take some out!’ ” Ha ha, I thought that was so funny. I wasn’t following up on his brain surgery today but rather his diabetes, hypertension, etc. He is what we call a very compliant patient, takes his meds and follows up with all his docs, and entertains the staff when he comes to visit the clinic, no less.

Another patient was a woman I first met in the ER and admitted to the hospital. She knew she had diabetes a year ago but decided not to get any treatment. In fact, she hasn’t seen a doctor in over a year. Her blood sugar in the ER was through the roof. We stabilized her and on her day of discharge I gave her my lecture on the importance of getting her diabetes managed by seeing a doctor regularly. “Since you don’t have a PCP (primary care physician), you can come to see me in the clinic.” I told her. As I said this, I hoped she would follow up, but with the population we see in the hospital, I knew it’s a slim chance. But today in clinic, I recognized her name immediately on the schedule. She proudly reported she’s been taking all the medicine I gave her and even came with a pen and notepad to jot down changes I made to her medicines. Mrs.A is on the reserved side and her expression is rather flat most of the time, but today I knew she cared about her health and was ready to do what’s right for herself.

Those two patients are bright examples of what makes me love my job. They take control of their own health and are in partnership with their doctors. When I encounter people like that, I don’t mind taking that extra step or coming early and stay late in the hospital for them. The patients are in the driver’s seat, I can only give them directions. It’s up to them to get themselves from point A to point B, where they should be. Sometimes, it’s that very point that makes medicine so hard and makes me wonder if I would have gone into medicine 8 years ago knowing what I know now. Take Mr. D.

Mr.D was the last patient that I admitted on a 32 hour call (from 8am on Sunday to 4pm on Monday). I haven’t had dinner, didn’t have breakfast the next morning, and of course no sleep. On top of that, I had all the nervousness of trying my hand at placing my first central line on a patient in the ICU that night. Before that, a patient of mine coded and after 40 minutes of CPR, drugs, and shocks, the patient expired. The whole family was there, crying and bawling, the chaplain came, we told them we did everything we could. It’s was a bad night. Then came Mr.D at 3am, a 40-something homeless cocaine abuser who had abused his heart all the way into failure. He was barely alert enough to answer my questions. I thought, “If it weren’t for you, mister, I would be getting a couple hours of much needed sleep right now instead of trying to talk to you.” I was genuinely miffed, but I took care of him the best my groggy brain and hands would allow me. What’s more upsetting is this fact: Mr. A, this relatively young guy who has no other health problems except for cocaine-induced heart failure gets hundreds of thousands of dollars in procedures and treatment, free, because he’s penniless and all the while another patient of mine who’s responsible and has a job doesn’t get the same life-saving heart catherization that Mr. D received all because she happens to work and makes a little too much to qualify for government assistance but not enough to pay for the procedure. She is saving up her money for a heart cath while Mr.D will likely go back on the street tomorrow and shoot cocaine and abuse his heart. Okay, it begs the question, where does Mr.D get his money for his drug habit?! Yes, this is the kind of system that I learned that our country has, the system that I work under. “Unfair” doesn’t seem to begin to cover it.

All in all, I choose to focus on lovely people like my two patients in the clinic. They show me that I am working 80-plus-hour weeks, sleep deprived, and bone-tired for good reasons. At least most of the time.

A Grand Ol' Day. . .

2007-07-08T19:42:00.001-07:00

. . .is having a day off, taking a walk with hubby in cool breeze to Central Market and buying some yummy bread pudding. . .

(New) Facts of (My) Life.

2007-07-07T15:57:00.000-07:00

1. Eight-hour work days are my short/part-time days. Those days are rare.

2. If I don't write it down, it doesn't get done. I've become a religious list-maker.

3. There is such a thing as being too busy to eat. . .or to answer other calls of nature.

4. Holidays are not an entitlement, it's a privilege. . .a privilege I didn't have for Fourth of July, nor will have for Thanksgiving and Christmas. That goes for weekends and nights, too.

5. I love my job, so far.

6. Patients don't get well on medicine alone. Only half of my job is about knowing why a patient is sick and what treatment he/she needs. The other half is social medicine: figuring out what medicine a patient can or can't afford, calling family members to check that they are ready for their loved one to come home, making sure patients get home health or nursing home care after discharge, etc.

Random Blurb

2007-07-02T20:01:00.000-07:00

The day starts out with good intentions: I'd put on mascara, and my pointy-toed pumps that go clikety-clack down the hospital halls. By end of the day, the white coat weighted down by PDA, stethscope, books, papers, pens, cell phone, and pager feels like a potato sack on my back. My cute heels have become little torture chambers for my feet. Worst of all, I come home and realize my face has turned greasy in 13 hours and the mascara has made a panda of me!

Yes, tomorrow I go without (embellished) lashes and I wear my Dansko (funny) clogs.

Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Lose

2007-06-27T20:34:00.000-07:00

*Warning: Sarcasm and Whining ahead*
(but sprinkled with optimism)

I’ve got some good news and some bad news. I found out yesterday that I passed the clinical exam that I took in Philly 12 weeks ago!! Yeah, it took them long enough to let me know! I was all but convinced that I had failed, but anyways, moving on to the bad news:(.

Today was the first day of our short orientation at our hospital before our start date of Sunday, July 1st. Umm, what about church?! Church, what church?! Yeah, that’s not happening. Anyways, that’s NOT why I have bad news. It turns out that the call schedule has been totally revamped since I’ve rotated and interviewed at Methodist. Instead of the split call method of day call and night call which makes each intern have night call once every 10 days, now it’s only night calls, Q5! (Q5=every five days) That means we have a 30-hour shift from 8pm to 2pm (the next day) every 5 days. For example, my month of July schedule shows that I’m on call (30-hour shift) SIX times with 4 days off. The reason for the change is that this is the more traditional internal medicine call schedule and previously the interns were too swamped on their shorter calls so now the work is more spread out over a longer call. Hmm, during my interview, the speech was “we really work hard while we’re at the hospital, but we have more time off compared to other programs.” Now I'm hearing, “there’s too much work to be done, so we are doubling your night calls, which is the normal IM schedule at most programs anyways.”

Yes, I should not be such a complainer . . . but I will anyways because I want to vent. Both M (my good friend/co-intern) both lamented over the fact that one of the major reasons we chose this hospital was because of its nice call schedule. (I was in my 'all-about-work-life- balance' phase). To have that changed on us on the first day of our orientation is just, well, upsetting and disappointing!! When you are married and have a home, it’s ever so important to maximize your time with your loved one, and it frankly makes me angry to think that it's taken away. But you know what hubby said at the news? “Oh, that’s good news; you’re getting longer and better training.” No, I didn’t physically harm him, but I did flash a very dirty look while thinking, ha ha, that means more scooping Kitty’s litterbox for you while I’m spending my nights at the hospital!

Okay, *deep breath*, I'm done. I still love the hospital, it was good to be back there, like good memories rushing back to my head. I met some of the other interns, a nice bunch, I think. In the end, it’s all about sacrifices and dedication, and I’m ready. I just had to vent a little, you see.

One more piece of good news because I want to end this on a good note. I’ve been meaning to write about Blacky, the lovable stray I took care of months ago. Joyce, the amazing cat rescue lady, found him a forever home! Actually, I’ve known for weeks now but just haven’t written about it. I received an e-mail from Blacky’s new owners and they just love him to death. Joyce finally surmised that Blacky was a victim of animal abuse because of his scars. Also, his new owners continue to call him by my last name, but he’ll always be Blacky to me. The story just warms my heart everytime I think about it. Blacky was headed to euthanasia but by God's lucky timing, he went to Joyce, his guardian angel, instead. Yeah, in this life, you really do win sometimes, and lose sometimes and I think I’ve own more than I’ve lost.

A Game of Deceit

2007-06-25T14:41:00.000-07:00

This game is a well received passtime that many cat owners know. We chanced upon it recently: the game of the cat chasing a laser pointer light. I bought a laser light alignment thingie for hanging wall pictures and it has since doubled as Kitty’s favorite toy. She loves to chase that red light anywhere, up the wall and furniture, zig zags across the carpet. Her speed and prey instincts really come through. It’s good exercise for an indoor cat as she dashes, jumps, and pounces. As a bonus, we often participate in the game with squeals of laughter.

Lately, however, my overthinking mind has made it not so funny. I observe my cat as she goes after the red light with such seriousness, her large unblinking eyes, her erect ears, and her anxious tail swiping side to side as her body crouches ready to make a move. I don’t know what she thinks, but she certainly seems to give it her all in both mental concentration and physical prowess as she tries to take hold and take down that red light. But she doesn’t know that it’s not a tangible thing and it’s game she’s lost from the beginning. Is she frustrated and confused that the object of her chase is always elusive and intangible? Is it us humans having a good time at her expense? Am I being deceitful to my cat?

I’m not going to stop playing the game with Kitty as long as she’ll have it, but I just have these unanswered questions. . .

Home Sweet Home

2007-06-24T21:11:00.001-07:00

I just got back from my parents’ place this evening. I spent a few wonderful days at my parents’ home doing what I usually do when I’m home: eat and eat, watch Animal Planet on their big screen TV, laze around on their cushy leather sofa, visit Laurel, take walks with my mom, and all in all, relax. But it is sure nice to be back at my home, too even though we are sans the big TV with cable and wooded neighborhood. I’ve missed Kitty and hubby.

With an overabundant garden and their health consciousness, my parents are practically vegetarians. Have you ever eaten a meal where you chew and chew until your teeth and jaw gets tired but your stomach is not quite yet filled? That’s how I feel when I eat with my parents. Don’t get me wrong, I love their veggie diet! I ate leek dumplings, cucumber salad, raw tomatoes ripe from the vine, stir-fried squashes, and etc. all courtesy of their garden.

Also, thanks to mom, my collection of dress pants has all been shortened to the right length. My in-between leg lengths get me everytime. The petite size pants are usually just a tad too short for heels and the regular size too long. So I have to buy the regular ones and get them deftly shortened by mom or I wear the petite ones and risk being uncool looking.

My other highlight was having brunch with my dear friend Laurel, just the two of us. I don’t remember the last time I spent time with Laurel without a baby or two at her hip. Yes, she has two of the cutest boys in the world, Benji and Zac, but it is nice to have her all to myself, too.

My parents dropped me off half-way in Oklahoma where Paul picked me up. Yeah, it’s weird how I’m 27 years old and my parents and husband doesn’t agree to let me drive a 5-hour trip alone. Somehow I have a reputation of being an “unsafe driver” with them and I’ve never even given them a reason to think that way! I’ve never had a major accident and only a few minors ones that were never my fault. Okay, I had a well-deserved speeding ticket once but my Dad doesn’t even have wind of that. If anything, I’m a safer driver now after that defensive driving course I was forced to take. Anyways, I suppose when family get used to one way of looking at you, their viewpoint don’t easily change.

Hubby has been very productive while I was gone. He installed a working fire alarm, bought a carbon minoxide alarm, back-uped our trip pictures on a CD and even bought me a taser gun! These are all things I’d never think of. Yes, I know how to buy window curtins just the right color and length and I match up wall hangings together very nicely, but a carbon minoxide alarm would never enter my mind. This is why God made men and women and I’m grateful. What I’m most proud of is that he’s been dutifully scooping Kitty’s litterbox everynight which is usually my job and my job alone. This is no small fate for a man who can gag at the thought of something gross.

Back home, hubby and I ate at my new favorite Asian restaurant tonight, Bistro’s in Richardson. Yep, you bet I filled my newly cleansed gut with trans fatty fried food, yum!

Computer Clutz

2007-06-22T11:17:00.000-07:00

My procrastinating nature reached its zenith with our laptop.

For months, an omnious warning sign comes up the screen everytime I turn the laptop on and its battery won't charge so running on plug-in power only. Since I'm the free and stay-at-home one for the last few months, I was charged with the task of getting it fixed. So months have gone by, I still hadn't done anything about it. "Call Dell", "Fix computer", etc. have had regular appearances on my to-do lists. My days would start with good intentions, but alas, something always come up or I pull-out the good old excuse, "I'll do it tomorrow." Today, I woke up and realized I couldn't live with myself any longer until this problem gets fixed.

As soon as I started, I knew why I had dreaded so long to do this. I logged onto http://www.dell.com/, and attempted to chat with a technical support geek (sorry, person). I got stumped by the first question: "What is your operating system? Windows Vista or others?" I don't know. . .then the conversation went on to about power AC adapters. hmm, what's that, I wondered?? It was a terribly feeling, not knowing what the heck is going on. Finally, I talked to a nice fellow in India who told me the power AC adapter needs to be replaced and since the laptop is still under warranty, I should get one in the mail in the next two days. Oh, thank God, it was easy as a phone call. And now I know the power AC adapter is just the black plug-in cord that connects my laptop to the wall. Why didn't they just say so??!

"Wisdom" from the Web

2007-06-21T18:46:00.000-07:00

Here are some memorable quotes I found on the internet. My corresponding numbered responses are at the end.

**************

1. “Worse. The way we used to train physicians is that you worked all the time. You were on call all the time. Medicine was holy work—a calling. It was a privilege and an honor—you should sacrifice everything. Everything else came second. It didn’t matter if you didn’t eat during the day, it didn’t matter if you didn’t sleep. Now, the thinking is, if people don’t sleep they make mistakes, and if they make mistakes it’s bad for the hospital. So residents are being taught medicine as a career choice as opposed to a profession, a calling. They’re being taught as shift workers, which I think is a huge problem. When that clock hits a certain time, they have to leave the hospital.”
--An anonymous physician’s answer to the question: Is doctor training better or worse than it used to be?

2. “Absolutely. Patients get these gowns that hardly cover half the body. And the chairs are not comfortable. At the sickest point in their life, they’re sharing a bathroom with strangers.”
--Another anonymous physician’s answer to the question: People complain that hospitals are dehumanizing. True?

3. “I single-handedly destroyed an ecosystem that year.”
--an intern speaking of the amount of paper he used during internship.

4. "When you don't know something, didn't check it, or forgot -- admit it. Never, ever, ever, ever say it was "normal" or "fine". This is the cardinal sin during internship. If you do this and are caught (and trust me, you will be caught somewhere along the line), your trust/reliability will be blown and it is very difficult to get it back. High school, college, and medical school are all about hiding what you don't know. Internship is all about showing those you are working with what you don't know so they can teach you. This is very difficult since you are out of practice. "
-A physician's advice for the intern

*********************

My responses, numbered for above:

1. I don't agree with this physician at all. Why would anyone think a stressed out physician who's getting a divorce and on the verge of a drinking problem would make a better physician? That's not a stereotype but rather an accurate description of WAY too many docs. I plan to be a doctor who (*shock*) sleeps and eats reasonably well, and yes, I actually plan to follow the very recommendations I give my patients, namely, eat healthy, exercise regularly, and decrease stress. Okay, maybe I won't be a super housekeeper and might even become a recluse in the social scene, but I plan to take care of myself during residency, dammit! And I won't feel guilty about it!

2. and 3. These two quotes are uncannily true and funny.

4. *Nodding* in agreement. Amen to that advice.

Let's Talk Shop

2007-06-20T10:56:00.000-07:00

Last night, I drove to UPS and fetched my shoes. They are clogs, really, Dansko brand. Many medical students and other medical professions swear by them for their comfort during those long hospital shifts. I like them because they go with scrubs during call nights but they also go with regular professional pants on the days I need to wear clinical attire without the bother of uncomfortable heels. I bought two pairs, black and a reddish-brown color. They are normally $120/pair but I found a super deal at www.clogscentral.com for $98/pair plus free gift and free shipping. So far, I've been trying them on around the apartment. They are a little higher heeled than I thought "comfy" shoes would be, but hey, any boost to my height is appreciated. Hubby thought they were funny-looking, yes, they do have a bit of clownishness to them, but they are all the rave in the hospitals.

Another bit of shopping news, I went to the first day of Victoria Secret's Semi-Annual Sale yesterday. I was just 30 minutes short of being the first customers to pick at the circular troughs of bras and panties. By the nature of staying home, I can be in the know of such things as semi-annual sales, etc. Usually, I chance up VS's semi-annual sale towards the middle and end when all the good stuff is gone. But actually, I didn't end up spending hundreds of dollars at VS like I feared. Ha, their real "secret" is that their bras aren't always better, in my opinion. I have a Hanes bra equally comfy and much more reasonably priced. Also, the panties there are on sale for $3.99 to $7.50 per one?! Umm, no thanks, I'll buy mine bulk at Target. I just can't imagine spending $4 per panty?! Okay, okay, that's just me and maybe one day I'll promote myself to VS panty status, but right now I'm happy with who I am. I did buy four nice bras at VS, though.

Curls and Pearls

2007-06-19T15:14:00.000-07:00

This is one of those stories that is funny after it happened but not while it was happening. I was out most of the day, and asked hubby to stay home and be on the lookout for a UPS package for me. I had ordered two pairs of shoes online and was eagerly awiting their arrival today. This afternoon, after a day-ful of errands, I was driving home and got a call from hubby. He anxiously informed me that a "incompetent" UPS delivery guy had failed to knock and simply posted the delivery note on our door. Aggg, I thought to myself, you were home all day and you managed to miss my package??

"Hmm, let me get this straight: a UPS guy that doesn't knock. . .you mean, he just wanted to come back tomorrow and try again? Or maybe, he loved my shoes so much, he decided to keep them? Or maybe, his knocking fingers are injured?!" I said back to hubby.

"Yeah, I think there's a consipiracy. It's about job security, this way the UPS people keep busy and won't lose their jobs." said my hubby.

Okay, I have to say I laughed about it later, but man, I wished I have my shoes!

Another "disagreement" we have is over Oprah: I adore her, and hubby doesn't. But that's one disagreement we can live with. But seriously, she's great, it's not that I watch her regularly. . .yeah, seem to always be somewhere else between 4-5pm. But she was on today while I did the laundry and I noticed her hair. I soooo love her hair! All those luscious curls! Yeah, yeah, it's probably a wig or extensions, but its beautiful so hooray to the power of fake! I, myself, was not given natural curls, so thanks much to Charles Nestle, the inventor of the perm.

Oprah in curls.

My own puny curls. The stylist in Taiwan had purposely left the top part unpermed to look natural and she thined my hair prior to perming, too to avoid the puffiness. But one day, I shall have a full-head of rich curls that will parallel that of Shirley Temple and Oprah!
(This pic taken by hubby for the intern roster at Methodist)

Lastly, notice how both Oprah and I wore pearls. In my opinion, every girl should own a string of pearls, such a pretty, feminine, and timeless accesory they are. They don't have to be real, mine are not, but Oprah's probably is. She's Oprah, after all.

The Big Day

2007-06-17T11:49:00.000-07:00

The Big Day is coming. Preparations for it have been ongoing for many many weeks, years, really. After all, life will not be the same again and she needed to prepare herself mentally and physically. There were many many shopping trips buying loads of new clothes. “We all have to wear something.” she consoled herself at the money that’s spent. She readied her home in numerous ways, buying a new dark curtin instead of the sheer ones they had. This promotes restful sleep, she reasoned. She even stocked up on items like toilet paper and detergent, just in case they run out and she can’t steal a moment away to buy them.

She thought of the new responsibility that’s dawning upon her. She’s stepping into a new role, one that she’s never been in before, all the preparation in the world aren’t quite enough, but a role that she has to be ready for anyways. She thinks of all the sleepless nights that come with being a caretaker. There is still so much to learn, everyday will be something new and different. Those thoughts are equally exciting and scary to her right now.

Recently, she got together with a couple of friends in her same shoes. They had gone to classes together, swapped advices, and partied together in the days before the Big Day. This night, they shared pictures of their big overseas trips with each other over fruit tart dessert. Mel and Omar had gone to Europe for three weeks, while she and her husband had gone to Asia during that same time. There were many happy memories and funny stories that accompanied the pictures. “Ahh,” they all signed afterwards. They all knew it would be many many years until they would have that much time to take trips like that again. They talked and reminiced to almost midnight, knowing that there’s nothing to do the next day except for sleeping in. But those days are to be over soon.

“What day do you have to go to the hospital?” She asked of her friend.

“On Monday. I can’t believe how early I’ll have to wake up from now on.” Mel said.
=========================================================

So, what is the Big Day? While it’s NOT the arrival of a new baby, the first day as a medical resident in many ways is similar to becoming a new mother. The tremenduous responsibility, the sacrifices, big and small, sleepless nights, fatigue, lack of personal time, and all the new knowledge. Yes, motherhood and resident-hood are both overwhelming. No, I’m not saying that having a child and having a new job is the same thing, but just very similar in their demands. I draw this comparison because of the many female friends around me that are new mothers or soon-to-bes. There are even a small minority of students I know that are welcoming BOTH new roles of being new parents and new physicians at the same time. As much as I want kids and moan at my delayed motherhood, I don’t envy those colleagues. One day I shall have both, kids and career, but now it would be almost impossible to me.

One of the couples in our Bible study group just announced they are nine-weeks pregnant. Their happy news is only overshadowed by the fact that she’s having hyperemesis gravidarum. She’s overcome with nausea and vomiting all day-long. I feel bad for her that she can’t enjoy her pregnancy right now, but only see and feel the dark side of things. With the announcement of K & J’s pregnancy, Paul and I are now the only childless couple in the group. Yes, there are the questions, “so when’s your turn?” I feel a little miffed at having to explain to them time and again that we can’t really have a baby while I’m in residency. I will soon be the only working woman in the group as the only other working mom is quitting her job. I suppose I feel a little jealous, not at the pregnancy but at the fact how everyone rushes in to give her advices and share their experiences. We talked for hours about how much coffee per day is allowed during pregnancy, why eating pineapple is contraindicated is Chinese medicine, how long it takes to lose the baby weight afterwards, how to combat morning sickness, etc. Well, I wish the ladies would come to my aid and tell me how I can keep my home clean while working all week or easy recipes I can manange on a weeknight or how to maintain my marriage while under stress at work. I suppose I felt rather alone last night at Bible study.

Apparently, I am practicing what is known as “delayed motherhood.” I didn’t know there’s a name to it, certainly didn’t plan on it, but here I am, one of those women in modern times choosing “delaying motherhood.” I don’t like to be labeled, but I can’t argue its appropriateness. Sometimes, I think of all the girlfriends of mine that are stay-at-home pregnant women and moms. It seems I’ve strayed so far compared to them. My body reminds me of my ticking clock each month as I lose more eggs, eggs that I’ll never get back, eggs that mark my decreasing fertility. I feel a little sad and anxious. Then, I spend time with my fellow female doctor friends, and realize I’m not alone. I called Malini this past week, and we talked about buying new scrubs and comfortable shoes for the hospital, our upcoming ACLS (advanced cardiac life support) training, etc. I’m so grateful she’s with me at residency. While I don’t have Chrisitian mentors in the medical field, but I do have some really good medical friends to share and vent.

Everything will be okay. There’s a time and season for everything under the sun, the Bible says, and my time is not yet here for motherhood. Meanwhile, I have my own Big Day to prepare for. There are no congratulatory hugs or baby showers, but it’s no less signifcant and life-changing for me.

Insomniac Thoughts

2007-06-10T04:18:00.000-07:00

As I watched (with my newly minted LASIKed eyes) my bedside clock beams out “4:41am”, I knew I had drank some seriously strong coffee this evening. I simply can’t fall asleep! The coffee was in an effort to sound my approval for the latest study showing that coffee drinkers have less cancer. You know how when you can’t fall sleep, every physical discomfort is magnified ten-fold? My head turned and tossed and all but protested to the cumbersome goggle I have to wear in bed post-LASIK. My body heat was all but unbearable because the customary ceiling fan had to be turned off also due to post-LASIK instructions (my eyes will dry out, said the doc). Funny, hubby had Starbucks Espresso and a can of COKE, but he seems to be unperturbed in his slumber! My caffeine-driven insomnia would have been perfect for one of those on-call nights I’ll be doing in the soon future. “The ER has another new admit at 4am? No problem!” I would be energized, feeling chirper, ready to go . . .if only I was on call tonight.

Another tale-tell sign of insomnia is when your mind can’t be shut off, there are thoughts racing through my head like horses on a race track. I was thinking about the wrong things I said during Bible study tonight (I can be such a loud blabber mouth) and my future in medicine. I was also thinking that if I ever have another blog, maybe a private and personal as in my-eyes-only blog, I would name it “Journey to Heaven.” Isn’t that what life is all about to a Christian, our journey to heaven, the much awaited eventual destination? Once I heard a person say that our short life on earth is just a preparation for eternity. I don’t know if I totally accept that statement, but it is how I would like to think of and live my life. The people I meet, the ones I befriend, the man I marry, the strangers I encounter, the children I raise, the patients I treat, the family I love. . .they are all part of this journey that leads me back home, to God. Through the laughter, the tears, the frowns, the smiles, and the anger, the sadness, the jealousy, the joy. . .through the weddings, the funerals, the graduations, the birthdays, the quarrels, the vacations, the rainstorms. . .all the emotions and occasions of life are all slow, small, and sure steps to that one eventuality we will all face one day, death and standing before God.

I had some lofty thoughts of finding a new church family close to our new home. Not just a “church”, which sounds like any other place of establishment I frequent, like a hair salon or grocery store. No, a “church family” implies that I would get plugged in, as they say, I would know people who calls me during the week and hugs me on Sundays. I would volunteer in an area of ministry and have prayer partners. But reality is not so lofty. Actually, I would be working six days a weeks, and my day off not always Sunday but different every week, and I’ll be on call every fifth day. So, if I find a church, but don’t show my face, I’m guessing the “family” part of “church family” won’t really happen. Should I even find a church? Should I just focus my time on the Christian friends I have in my current small-group family-based Bible study?

If I was to be more honest and think deeper, which I apparently have plenty of time to do now, the truth is that once residency gets started, my schedule gets rolling and regimented, likely I won’t even be pondering these questions of church searching and spirtual journeying. I just won’t have the time, I know myself under stress.

I think about my life in medicine, and the specialty of internal medicine I am now bound to. The great arena that is internal medicine, sometimes referred to simply as “medicine.” It’s so encompassing, unlimited by organ systems and disease types. Except for obstetrics and gynecology and pediatric conditions, internal medicine covers everything else that might plague the human body. I don’t think I can just ignore the medical aspect of the female reproductive system and kids from now on, because as a female and mother-to-be, these topics are inherent to who I am. Professionally, however, I won’t be bothered with gyn and peds, so to speak. “Professional,” that’s what I am now. Before, I have been a professional student for many many years, but now I’m just a professional. Yes, I am looking forwarding to being a doctor. With gratitude and excitement, to be sure, but I’m not facing the future with full embrace, but with tender reservations. My heart is at home, but I’ve given myself to a profession.

I read through my resident contract for the first time today, it’s still a little unreal to me, to be paid for what I do. Me?! I’m 27 years old, and I’ve never been paid for anything I do except part-time minimum wage jobs. Well, technically, it’s a stipend, as the contract calls it, but it’s more money than I’ve ever seen attached to my name. I’ll be the bread earner for our small family of two no less since hubby will be quitting his job and reverting to full-time student status next week. I worry, just a healthy amount, about our finances. We’ll make do, after all, we have no plans of buying new cars or planning another wedding in the near future like we did the last couple of years. This is just temporary, my being the sole money maker. I am glad that hubby is pursuing his dreams. We bought a study desk for him in the spare bedroom, which can now be legally called a study room and I see things coming together for him.

So, how can I be a sojourner to heaven in light of all this? Do I continue to be a distracted sojourner? Will my prayers be just fleeting thoughts while on the road to and from work? Will my Chrisitiany be just a label to my identity? Will God be that distant figure in my head?

"If You Can Read This, SMILE"

2007-06-06T18:29:00.000-07:00

I have never been a tomboy, never. I was never the girl that climbed trees, caught frogs, or played Nintendo with the boys. This brings up a question, why is that all the girl heroines in the books I read as a child were always portrayed as tomboys as if being a girl and a tomboy is the only natural combination to be? The typical girl heroine was tall and lanky who cared less about what she wore and was always getting in trouble because of her sense of adventure or competitiveness with the boys. That was not me, I was short, curvy and girly to a fault. I would have been completely happy to stay at home, play with my toy kitchen set or play house with my dolls. If I was a character in my childhood books, I would have been the nemesis, you know, the spoiled and snobby cousin of the main heroine. But I was not spoiled nor snobby, but the girly girl was never portrayed in an positive light in those books. But that’s all the age-appropriate reading material an Asian girl could get her hands on in Arkansas public libraries in the 90’s. My theory is that the authors of that generation were in the midst of the feminist movement and they wanted to encourage girls to consider themselves equal with the guys and to know that our options are not limited to the home only but include careers and everything else in the men’s world. So back to me, I remember crying when my mother cut my long hair to a short bob. I have early memories of myself drawing designs of girls dresses and playing the hair on my Barbie for hours. My father, while not feminist-minded, didn’t have a son as I’m his only child, discouraged those girly tendencies and directed me towards more intellectual pursuits. So alas, I grew up role-playing teacher and student and buried my head in books.

But a girl will always be a girl. . . I had my LASIK surgery today! I always wondered why I needed glasses in the first place as neither one of my parents wore them. I started wearing glasses in the sixth grade. Oh gosh I still shudder at the thought of those huge pink plastic framed thing that I picked out for myself at Pearl Vision. What was I thinking?! In high school, contact lenses came to save the day until they became too uncomfortable. Hubby took the plunge and had LASIK last June and it took me a year to finally decide on it. This past year, my glasses have become my constant accessory and how I’ve come to deplore them! Yes, I’m excited about not having to reach for my glasses every morning, and not perpetually sliding my glasses back on my non-existent nose bridge, but the most exciting part for me after LASIK is the new freedom to be more girly! In Asia, I don’t remember seeing a single fashionable girl with glasses and believe me, I people-watched a lot! I attest to the fact that there are no outfit in my closet that looks good with glasses. The very thought of wearing glasses discourages me from putting on make-up or wearing a stylish shirt. You might as well put a bag over my head. It’s as if someone stripped me of my femininity when I put those specs on. I know that might sound extreme, but that’s how I’ve felt. Is that vain? I know I’m already married, so it’s not about impressing others, it’s really about how I feel about myself. I think it’s every girl’s perogative to do whatever it takes within her means to make herself look good and thus feel good about herself. For me today, that was LASIK.

So, I was lying there on a comfy back-tilted operating chair and the words, “If you can read this, SMILE, ” previously unreadable by me, came into focus on the ceiling and I knew it was over! Yes, the results were that instantaneous. I wouldn’t say it’s not a bit frightening to have your eyes propped open by retractors and tape and smelling burned cornea no less, but overall, it was a nearly painless 10 minute experience. I felt a burning and gritty feeling for a few hours afterwards which required shut eyes and a nap, but apparently I’m over it because I’m now typing completely comfortably right now. Knowing me and my skin problems, I worry that I might have complications after LASIK, like keloids growing out of my eyes! Okay, that won’t happen I know, but epithelial regrowth can, on rare occasions, and can lead to blindness requiring corneal transplant and all that good Dr. House stuff. I did visit my dermatologist and another ophthalmologist just to make sure my skin conditions do not preclude me from LASIK. But in case I end up blind, hubby has promised to take care of me for the rest of my life, and with time, I think he’ll even get use to scooping Kitty’s litter box, so for that, I can smile.

It had me at "hello"

2007-05-30T22:21:00.000-07:00

One of the things I brought back from Asia is lust for this bag! It's a Louis Vuitton Speedy 30 Classic. It had me at "hello,". . . okay, the bag didn't say "hello" but you know what I mean. LV brand bags are ubiquitous in Asia, atleast in Taiwan and Japan. Even the men sport these stylish LV accessories. What is also ubiquitous is the counterfeit (euphemistically called "replicas") LV bags in Asia.

I really really want one! It's the best bag ever, it would go with everything, from frompy summer sandles to an elegant winter coat. And of course it would never ever go out of style. So, you think with all those fashion sensible reasons on top of the fact that I just had the occasion of my graduation and a vow of never asking for another birthday present again until I'm 40, I should indulge myself with this bag? Yes, of course!!. . .except for the fact that this is a $600 bag (the real deal, mind you) safely tucked away on a shelf at Neiman Marcus just 10 minutes away from my aparment. Yes, it would be as simple as getting in my car and swiping my credit card. . . but, but, I realized I'm just not that person, yet, the no-guilt-all-pleasure girl that could indulge in a $600 bag. . .oh, but how I wish sometimes I was that person. . .already. Hmm, perhaps a "replica" then, that would run in the $200 range, but what a moral line I'd have to cross and there's images of dark alleys and shady guys . . . I guess I'll just wait 'til the day I can feel good about buying the real McCoy with all its full-priced glory. Perhaps that day will be when I find my first real job out of residency or when hubby finds his new job after his PhD or when we've finally shed our student staus or the day we no longer have student loans. . .or, or, maybe one day soon, I'll just succumb to my lust and buy this bag and never look back . . .

Good night, sweet beauty!

Graduation

2007-05-24T20:36:00.000-07:00

Senior Awards Banquet. Paul, me, Omar, and Mel.

This is a good shot of my curly-do. *click to enlarge* I have a soft spot for curly hair ever since in early high-school days when I woke up at the crack of dawn to cajole my arrow straight- hair into curls with a curly iron before the school bus came to my door.

Day of graduation with Malini, my soon-to-be co-resident at Methodist.

With Mom after graduation on Saturday.
I learned that color green on the black gown is meant for physicians while a dark blue is the color for Ph.Ds, light pastel/baby blue is for education, and a royal purple is for J.D.s.

A Long Hiatus.

2007-05-23T19:12:00.000-07:00

Pictures first, words later.

Hubby and I on the beach at Penghu island, off of Taiwan. Yes, my hair is that short now, except, it's curly, Shirley Temple-style (a.k.a. I went for the perm a few days later.)

My brother-in-law, David.

The whole family at Penghu.

Paul and I at Asakusa in Tokyo, this was where our hotel was. See my Smurf feet? Atleast the Birkenstocks kept me comfortable even if I was ultra-unfashionable in a very style-conscious Tokyo.

Our first night and first meal in Tokyo, tempura!

One of my favorite photos: hubby in jeans among a sea of black-suited Japs.

Yes, I've been gone for a long time. . .not just from blogging, but from the country. We returned recently from our 3 week trip to Japan and Taiwan which was just fantastic! I hesitated to blog for a long time after I returned, I just didn't have the desire anymore in the face of a zillion things to do in my mind. But I unexpectedly cut my finger while cooking so no dish-washing for me tonight! Sooo, while hubby's doing dish duty, here I am.

First off, I spend a few tiring days finishing up our moving process. Note to self: make MORE use of those brawny and very capable movers next time! I was definitely trying to do too much myself. Now, I'm in search of some furniture to fill out my bigger apartment. And sadly, the US post office managed to lose our three weeks of mail while we were gone! It was just too confusing for those postal people to arrange to hold our mail, change our address, and forward our mail all at the same time. I got a call from the hospital saying that the contract they are trying to send me got returned to them! Now I'm going postal trying to chase down our mail!! And yes, I'm also trying to schedule a LASIK surgery, wisdom teeth surgery, and cook, clean, shop, and play with the cat all at the same time. Speaking of Kitty, she was very well taken care of by Kimberly, our catsitter. She's had her bumpy moments with all the moving, beinig left alone, and a new apartment. We've transformed her into a full-time indoor-only cat. She needs frequent TLC and regular periods of active play and seems to be doing okay. Did I mention I graduated this past Saturday?

Some memorable moments of our trip:

1. Walking tours of Tokyo with Robert and Lieu.

2. Finding what must have been the only cherry tree with blossoms left in Tokyo! We had just missed the cherry blossoms season.

3. Waking up at 5am to visit the Tsukiji Fish Market and having the best sushi ever for breakfast.

4. People-watching: the very beautiful and stylish Japanese girls/women. You won't catch even one without their high heels and LV handbags. As for me, I wore my Birkenstocks everywhere, and yes, I looked like I had Smurf feet.

5. Meeting my mother-in-law. I didn't know what to expect, hubby hasn't seen her for 15 years. Well, she was super! She cooked lobsters and crabs for us, made fresh fruit juices in the mornings, took me to get my hair cut and styled, and just all in all endeared herself to me. And when I came back, she sent me some Korean mini-series DVDs that I've come to love in Taiwan. It's not that the things she did for me that were meaningful, but it was her thoughtfulness that touched me. I have never met her before, but she opened up to me and loved me right away. . .here was me, not able to call her "ma" and not pushing myself even a bit, I was waiting, waiting to see if I could or would love her. . .

6. Visiting Penghu island with the whole family: a day at sea, getting sunburned because not one of us managed to remember sunscreen, eating sashimi on the boat, sleeping in hammocks after lunch, and devouring a whole bushel of oysters at night.

Okay, there were "bad" memories, too. I was ruthlessly bitten by mosquitos one night at a relative's condo. The next day, one of my arm was covered with red bumps that drew me much sympathetic attention which unfortunately didn't help with the itchinig. The unpredictable showers in Taiwan. More than once, I was in the middle of a shower when the hot water decided to cease coming. This was one of the reasons I decided to cut my long hair to a bob. Finally, the terrible motion sickness I experienced while coming down the winding roads from Alishan. I think I vowed to myself many many times that I am never leaving America again. However, perhaps like giving birth, the memories later are much sweeter than any "pain" I endured at the time.

Things Coming Together

2007-04-16T08:46:00.000-07:00

A little update on my life. Ever since coming back from Philly, time has been flying and many changes have taken place.

First, I caught a ride with Adrian and Lee back to Arkansas over Easter’s weekend to see my parents. Can you believe that we actually arrived in town with snow falling! It was weird Easter weather! I spend a few blissful days at home while my mom cooked for me. We ate so much fresh Chinese leek in everything, dumplings, pancakes, stir-fry that it was almost like a bovine diet! But it was so yummy. I had a totally laid-back time, it was great. During the trip, I also knitted 90% of my first scarf! Pictures to come later.

As soon as I came back, I got off my butt and started apartment hunting. I was totally engrossed, I felt more preoccupied than busy those days, if that makes sense. Like, going-to-bed-after-3am and on-the-computer-for-hours type of preoccupation. Hubby attributes it to my obsessive personality. I do tend to get preoccupied/obsessive about one thing for a week or so. Finally, we decided to rent a condo that I saw on Craigslist. We just met the owners and signed the contract last night. The area is not perfect but we were assured by multiple neighbors that it’s safe. We are going to be living right smack in downtown Dallas, afterall! It is the perfect location for Paul and I, though. Also, I was very drawn to the fact that the condo is huge (almost twice the size of our apt now) and was completely updated with new carpet and appliances! Two things I loathe in life: inheriting someone else's used carpet in apartments and sleeping on used pillows in hotels. Finally, the price was a big leap for us but I just can’t bring myself to moving into another cramped apartment so it’s worth every penny as they say. Now, we actually have a guest bedroom/study room. I should finally have enough room for all my ever growing clothes and shoes. And if I want a Christmas tree this year, I can, and the closet space to store it if we decide on a fake tree.

I like the idea of renting a condo from private owners. I did that for the first two years of medical school. The landlord-renter relationship is so much more personal. LA, as I’ll call Mrs.Owner, actually gave me a 3-ring binder with her “rules”, the lease contract, the HOA regulations, and copies of all the appliance instructions/manuals. She had very specific instructions/recommendations on how the tiled floor should be cleaned, the right scrubber to use on the stovetop, and the frequency of cleaning of the carpet. She even gave me dish covers for the microwave and samples of all the cleaning products she recommends. I liked her thoroughness and organization. Perhaps it reminds me of myself? Paul just thinks she’s anal.

So, I’ve also hired professional movers, another ordeal that got me preoccupied. We know we wanted an easy and smooth move but finding the right movers was anything but easy! Short of hiring illegal help on street corners, I decided to look into profession moving companies. I found out that there are a number of mover scams out there. They will actually hold your stuff hostage and then demand extra money! So, I did what was suggested, I called area real estate agents to ask for recommendations and came upon Firehouse Movers. The company was started by a local fireman and employs brawny firemen as movers. Another tip: check out the Better Business Bureau for complaints and check their state DOA number for authenticity.

Then, I went about to find a cat sitter for Kitty. This is another service you obviously need really trustworthy people as they will be coming into your home and taking care of your pet. Luckily, I e-mailed Joyce, who’s the cat rescue lady that took in Blacky the lovable stray, and she recommended someone. I also managed to sell our washer and dryer (unfortunately the condo has no connections) last week. Luckily, I didn’t have to rely on strangers from Craigslist as I sold it to a student at my school.

Okay, so now, I’m faced with the task of packing up boxes AND planning our trip this week. We didn’t even have our hotel in Tokyo booked until today. It turned out to be a good thing, actually, since I was able to book our hotel very close to Robert and Lieu’s place after finding out we’ll be in Tokyo together.

So, today’s agenda is to buy suitcases, and all the necessity things for the trip. Then, it’s pack, pack, pack!

Mel and Omar's Wedding

2007-04-15T19:39:00.000-07:00

Paul and I attended my school friends, Mel and Omar's wedding this weekend. Mel and Omar are a great couple. I have fond memories of celebrating birthdays, having get-togethers and pot-luck dinners and more recently, double dating with them. They are so down-to-earth and cheerful people, a couple of cool personalities and warm spirits. It was also great seeing a handful of classmates and friends that I haven't seen in many months.

Me with Mel and Omar (future pediatrician and family medicine doctor, in that order). They had Mariachi band in the background, so festive!

Robert and Lieu at the wedding, also future pediatrician and family doctor, respectively.

By the stroke of chance or perhaps something more divine, we found out that we are going to be in Tokyo at the same time as Robert and Lieu!! They are a couple of friends of mine from school and they are spending a couple of weeks traveling through Japan. We are arriving at Narita airport on the same day just 1 hour apart on different flights! Truth be told, I have been rather concerned about our mini 3-day trip in Tokyo ever since I found out that David (Paul's older bro) is not going to be there. We would have cancelled the stay in Tokyo if it weren't for the expensive ticket change fee. The whole point of going to Japan was to visit David and be under his wings while he orchestrated and guided our adventure in a foreign land. But duty calls, he has to be out of the country for work during our trip! So Japan became much more of an adventure than I bargained for! I started having visions of us getting lost amist the massive subway system in Tokyo. . .how do I exchange $$ to yen? What is the best way to get from Narita to Tokyo? What places should we visit?! Where are good places to eat without clearing out our wallet or risk poisoning by ill-prepared puffer fish ?? What can I say, I'm a worrier by nature. I had much research and planning to do. But then I found out Robert and Lieu are going to be there, too! We've vowed to stick together, for better or worse, in times of getting lost, in times of trying sushi. . .plus, we can take couples' pictures for each other!

My Birthday Present

2007-04-13T19:43:00.000-07:00

Look at this cute mini thing: Canon Powershot!! Just in time for my birthday! Hubby and I decided to purchase this because our bigger Canon is just too cumbersome for travel. We wanted something that I can easily slip in and out of my purse, and of course for "spy shots" in restaurants or crowds.

My portable travel companion next to Tic Tac for size.